The sixth and final season of Teen Wolf is less than a month away, and the thing I’ll miss most about the show is Stiles Stilinski. Specifically, his snark. In a show full of sarcastic characters (and we’re counting Derek’s eyebrows as their own separate character) Stiles still manages to outwit them all. After all, he’s 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone….sarcasm is his only defense. Here’s a compilation of his best comebacks.
10. “That depends on how you define lying.”
Sheriff: So you lied to me.
Stiles: That depends on how you define lying.
Sheriff: Well I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it?
Stiles: Reclining your body in a horizontal position.
That time he sassed the Sheriff. This is just a glimpse into what everyday must be like for the Sheriff as Stiles’ dad.
9. “Sorry coach, I haven’t seen him since the last time I saw him.”
That time he was suuuuuuper helpful when a venomous sort-of-evil kanima was on the loose.
8. “Still want him in your pack?”
That time Stiles pointed out that maybe Scott wasn’t the best potential werewolf pack member for Peter. Should’ve thought of that before you bit him, huh?
7. “You want to hear it in Spanish? Noh.”
That time Stiles used more than one language to put Jackson in his place. Bonus points because calling the Sheriff to come fight a werewolf is a terrible idea, and Stiles protecting his dad is really sweet.
6. “I don’t know that, Danny, okay? It’s your dream. Take responsibility for it.”
That time he snarked at Danny whilst rummaging through Danny’s things. It’s okay Danny, we all dream about Stiles too.
5. “Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?”
“If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.”
That time Scott’s dad was being an unhelpful jerk, so Stiles was an unhelpful jerk right back. Rude, Agent McCall. Just plain rude.
4. “Dude, everyone in here is a dude. I think we’re in a gay club.”
“Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses, huh, Scott?”
That time Scott was a little slow on the uptake. Oh, Scott, bless your soul.
3. “Except for you, Stiles. What do you turn into?”
“An abominable snowman. But it’s more of a winter time thing, you know seasonal.”
That time he told Matt about his own special supernatural powers. If you consider the presence of the Nemeton in Beacon Hills, it’s not entirely implausible that one of the teens would be an abominable snowman. Again, one of them turns into a giant lizard. Weirder things have happened.
2. “No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven.”
That time Scott was really worried that he was using his werewolf powers for evil, and Stiles was having none of it. It’s amazing how he can be a really good friend, while simultaneously being snarky. Just one of Stiles’ many gifts.
“Don’t be such a sourwolf.”
That time we were all freaking out over who the Alpha was, and Stiles stepped in with one of the best sentences on the show. The best part is how he says it, like he’s not even trying to be sarcastic, it just came out that way. And if we’re being honest…Derek totally is a sourwolf. Stiles is not just snarky, he’s accurate too.