I totally admit that I am late on this, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch this week’s episode of A Million Little Things. Sometimes you know that something is going to hurt, something is going to sting, and something is going to tear you apart. So why dive back into that pain? Why put yourself through that?
Because sometimes it’s facing the things that hurt you the most that remind you that you are alive. Yes, I said it. Pain reminds you that you are still here. Pain reminds you that you can still feel.
Pain reminds you that you are not done yet.
Sometimes I think that is what A Million Little Things is. It’s a time to remind you that you are still alive. That you can feel. That you haven’t forgotten what it’s like to want more. To be more.
The two things that I learned from this weeks episode :
You need to live while you’re here.
You need to believe in the people around you.
But I think that while I’ve learned this at the same point – I have somewhat felt that these are things that I should always have know. But i also know that sometimes we all fear living – because in living we experience what it’s like to feel and feeling sucks.
MAGGIE AND GARY
I don’t really fall hard for couples because I am not a big believer in love. Except you know the whole love sucks angle. That I believe deeply in. But with Gary and Maggie it’s something different. It’s this feeling of people teaching each other how to live and lets be honest – sometimes we all really need that.
As we all know Maggie doesn’t want to have chemotherapy and is ready to accept her life is over. But Gary is not and he’s willing to fight for her. He’s wanting to make sure that she lives her life.
They wake up and they somehow find themselves in a dare war. Lord, dares never are a good idea – at least in my world they aren’t. Just means I will get my ass into a lot of trouble and I don’t ever want to do that.
Maggie mentions that she would like to call into a radio shrink and tell her how wrong she is. Gary dares her and she does. Only the shrink that she thinks is wrong and that she’s got issues with intimacy with her boyfriend. The reality is that she does. She has a lot of them – but we can’t judge those. We can’t make a statement on them because we don’t know her past well enough. Does she have intimacy issues? Maybe. But right now we do know that Maggie knows that she is dying and we can’t imagine.
The dare game continues. She dares him to have a lemonade stand. He dares her to sing backup as she dares him to sing.
But what kills me is when she’s been talking about the life that she has wanted to live and how she wants people to know that she was there. Gary spray paints on a billboard that “MAGGIE WAS HERE” and I have to admit that my heart broke for her. How lonely she must be, because I really don’t know. She keeps everything in.
As much as I want to be like Maggie, stop being a selfish bitch – I get it. I get that she’s not wanting to let anyone close, because if she does – if she opens her heart that much – the chances for more pain – well it’s 10 fold. How do you start to love people and let them love you if you know that you are going to leave them?
Gary decides that he’s going dare Maggie to get chemo and instantly realizes that he may have just made a big mistake. He’s infringed on her choices and made her feel uncomfortable. I can’t blame Maggie for her anger over his dare.
Coming to grips with the end could not be easy. Knowing that you are hurting the world around you makes it harder.
Maggie and Gary broke up and I fell apart. I really want them to be together. I want them to feel a sense of strength in each other. I think that they understand each other. I think that they are good for each other. Hell, I have never wanted two people together more. That alone scares me.
I think for Gary and Maggie vulnerability has been a hard thing for them, because they are going through a lot. Things that no one else can understand. Seeing them apart makes my heart hurt.
DELILAH AND EDDIE
Now I may hate Delilah and Eddie together and I may not respect that they have done, but the whole situation is breaking me. As we all know, Delilah is pregnant and she’s passing it off as John’s even though it’s Eddie’s. Here’s the thing, I get that they don’t want to hurt anyone – but the truth is – they are hurting everyone.
Lies have a way of coming to the surface.
ALL THE TIME.
I think that what broke my heart the most was when Eddie went to the doctors with her. She needed someone to go with her, I totally get that. But I think that it was absolutely necessary that Eddie went.
They are making the choice to hurt their kids – by denying them a sibling. Sure there will be the temporary anger because their kids will find out they cheated, but I wonder if they realize that will come out anyways. Did they not learn from their friends learning about their affair? What does it take these two to understand?
I don’t get it.
I do feel for them that they feel that they have to keep this secret, but I also feel like they are assholes because they aren’t thinking about the impact that it will have when it comes out.
I really still hate them.
ROME AND GINA
There is a part of me that loves Rome more than anyone on this show. Why? Because he’s a fighter.
Gina is just having to come to terms with what Rome did – trying to take his own life. She’s heartbroken, fearful, and full of anger. She’s got every right to feel that way.
Rome collapses in the bathroom in a ton of pain and she takes him to the hospital. As the nurse is talking to them, she decides to tell them that he tried to take his life. So everyone thinks that the pain is because he did something stupid. Well, what she deems to be stupid. But people do that when they don’t understand.
It’s hard enough for Rome to understand what he’s going through, so I am not shocked that he doesn’t know how to explain it. Sometimes you don’t know how to explain feelings to yourself. But I do get why Gina doesn’t trust that he hasn’t tried to take his own life again and agrees with the doctors that he should drink activated charcoal. But it doesn’t mean that he’s not heartbroken over the distrust.
Turns out Rome had a kidney stone. And coming from someone who has had multiple bouts of those over the past year – I have to say – those things are painful.
Rome and Gina have a long way to go – but they will get there. Because they love each other. And as much of a cynic as I am – love will lead the way.
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW
- Katherine is moving on from Eddie and seeing that she’s worth love. I like the softer side of her.
- Danny had his first “date” – which I admire Gary for being there
- I still need to know what the fuck Ashley is up to.
A Million Little Things airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on ABC.