The Bachelor Canada – Episode 3: A Sloth Appears

Here we are now… entertain us?

Another week, another episode filled with group dates, solo dates, Two Oceans and questionable clothing choices. Sit back and relax as we delve into another episode of the cinematic masterpiece that is The Bachelor Canada.

This week, everyone is still in Costa Rica, which I now realize probably has more to deal with the fact that this was shot in the dead of winter more than anything else. They probably would not have produced any fun footage, other than people slipping along the sloppy streets of Toronto and hanging out at Maple Leafs games (I’d be into that last part, though).

Everyone the house is very happy that Shanti is gone. But girls, be aware – a new villain lurks amongst you!

We are ‘treated’’ to a montage of Brittany M cooking in a very fancy lacy shirt (crop top) that I’m pretty sure I have the full version of. I guess Bachelor Canada participants must shop at Le Chateau. The girls are judging her cooking style and think she’s trying to ‘fatten them up so that they look better’, which is hilarious. As annoying as Brittany M can be, I don’t think she’s using her cooking skills (or lack there of) deceitfully.

Chris Harrison 2.0 wastes no time in dropping off a date card which states ‘who wants to join the mile high club’. Given that this show does NOT air on HBO, methinks this is not what it appears to be. Poor Meghan laughs awkwardly when she realizes she has no idea with Mile High Club innuendo means. However, she will be joining the first group date along with Stacy, Catie and Mikaela.

GROUP DATE ONE

Hello friend. I would watch an entire show dedicated to your ‘antics’.

Again, waiting no time, we jump right into the date. The girls and Chris are about to go zip lining, which I did once in Kentucky. In caves. It was weird. All the girls are really into it, other than Meghan who has a fear of heights. She doesn’t want to appear to be scared though because she doesn’t want Chris to think that ‘she’s a wussy’ – which is a word I had to check and see if it was local slang or an actual word that everyday people would know. Seems to be the latter.

Hilariously, there is a Sunwing vacations sign strategically placed right in the area that the are zipping, because shame is something this show does not have. Meghan straight up starts bawling as she zips and half way through the shot inexplicably changes to that of a SLOTH. Oh my, please give me more of these sloths and less of these girls, would you please? Can we have a full “Slothelorette” show? I would watch that, I would watch it so good.

Instead of having a night portion of the date, they have a late afternoon/early evening date in which they sit around drinking what? You guessed it, Two Oceans.

Back at the house, the other girls are sat in the sun and Brittany M is sat down, wearing a full shawl and a giant sun hat. Brittany M has never been more relatable to me than she is in this very moment. Another date card shows up it’s for another group date. This date is for everyone but Kait, meaning she is our #1 candidate for this week’s one on one date.

Meghan is hard on herself while doing her personal interview. She says Chris probably wants someone with an ‘occupation’ and she goes on to say how she doesn’t have any post-secondary schooling behind her. She feels ‘not up to par with the rest of the girls’.  When she finally gets some one-on-one time with Chris, she tells him that she never intended to stay in Newfoundland (who does?) and she wanted to study cosmetology but never got around to it. Her self doubt is intense though, but Chris obviously likes her.

The group date rose pokes it’s red blooded petals out to say hay and it goes to… Mikaela. She’s been expecting this rose for about 2.5 episodes now, so she’s pretty pleased by this turn of events.

GROUP DATE TWO

Just casually wearing matching outfits, NBD.

All of the girls show up to the date in semi-matching outfits, and it’s never brought up that they are indeed matching. Did the producers call them all in advance and tell them all to bring cut off jean shorts ‘just in case’? I have so many questions about this.

There are eight girls on this date, as opposed to four on the last. But it’s not long before we find out that the four girls who last the longest on a MECHANICAL BULL are the ones who will be staying on to get some more quality time with Chris.

One by one, the girls step up to the bull and Brittany M takes it VERY seriously. She holds on to that bull for an extreme amount of time and actually ends up giving herself a bloodied lip in the process. Needless to say, she’s one of the girls that will be continuing on to the later portion of the date, along with Brittany W, Dee and Lyndsey.




It is actually night time at the second part of this date, which makes me wonder just how earlier in the day the other dates have started. Chris takes Brittany M aside for the first chat and it’s easy to tell he both likes her and isn’t sure what to make of her. But, that second part doesn’t last long as they start into some hot and heavy makeup time, which the other girls can see and are not impressed.

With regard to the rest of the girls, it’s easy to tell that he really likes Dee, and I really like Dee, so that cannot bode well for the future. He’s also into Lyndsey, but he’s still not sold on the fact that she’s pretty young.

When the rose comes out, it is given to Brittany M which makes everyone (including myself), groan.

ONE-ON-ONE DATE

Could you plz further describe a travel nomad?

In one of the most lacklustre dates so far, Kait the “travel nomad” shows up to do some surfing with Chris. There’s a long segment of her trying to get up on the surfboard (which looks really hard) but she actually seems to pick it up quite quickly.

Chris opens up to her and says that his ‘greatest fear’ in this experience is that he’s not going to find someone that he likes by the end of it all. The rest of the date is rather uneventful. Kait opens up a bit, and says she was ghosted by the last guy she dated and she’s still recovering from that experience.

Predictably, he gives her a rose.

They then run down the beach and fly some kites. Really, that is all.

ROSE CEREMONY

Chris Harrison 2.0 is not here for your antics.

The ceremony starts by April complaining about her lack of time with Chris. Considering the fact that I totally forgot what her name was, I doubt she’s long for this show. She says she wants to talk to him first, but she doesn’t get her wish when Jessie intercepts.

Jessie is another girl who not a lot of time has been spent on so far. We do learn an interesting tidbit about her in her chat with Chris – she was kicked out of her parents house at the age of 14. Nothing further is elaborated about this, but it leaves me wanting to know more about her.

Mikaela interups Lisa’s time with Chris and none is impressed, given that she already had a rose this week. Just as the girls are getting riled up, Chris Harrison 2.0 enters to stay it’s time for the rose ceremony to start – even before a lot of the girls have had a chance to chat with Chris.

Eight roses are about to be handed out, three already have them, bringing our total to 11 girls remaining at the end of the the ceremony. The roses, in order, to go:

Jessie
Catie
Lara (another name I barely know)
Stacy
Meghan
Dee
Lyndsey

Final rose: Lisa

This means April (called it) and Brittany W are heading home. Which means we are left with only one Brittany to contend with.

That ends tonight’s show! Stay tuned next week when more drama happens, and I’ll be spending the rest of the week plotting the Slothorette.



Terri

Bruins fan since birth, fantasy hockey nut. Love NBA, tennis, racing, but not MLB. I’m a Canadian who hates winter and daydreams about beaches.

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