Hello friends! I admit, I have a bit of Bachelor fatigue this season and it has been taking me a moment to get these recaps up. However, rest assured that a few holiday filled weeks of eating and drinking too much will prepare me to (hate) watch Arie’s season of the USA Bachelor, which returns… January 1st (send vodka).
This week, we’ve finally made it to the hometowns episode. What will happen? Which dad will call Chris out the most? Read ahead to find out!
The episode gets underway with some gratuitous shots shots of Chris looking in the mirror, doing some kind of beard grooming. Maybe he should join forces with Nick Viall and invest in whatever ‘grooming’ company he’s got on the go these days.
Anyway, because these episodes are ‘only’ 1.5 hours long, we quickly get down to business.
HOME TOWN 1: MIKAELA
Mikaela is horseback riding when we ‘meet’ her on a ranch just outside of Winnipeg. Based on her surroundings it seems like she’s in Alberta, rather than Manitoba. But maybe all these prairie provinces are roughly the same. I’m from the east coast, consider my knowledge past Ontario as very limited.
He finds out he’s about to meet her parents and step-parents, at a house that looks really fancy and has a great backyard. Hold up. Maybe they’re pretending all these dates are happening in ‘hometowns’ when in reality they’re faking it and filming everything in British Columbia to take advantage of all those film tax credits?! I mean, I doubt it, but nothing would surprise me at this point.
Mikaela’s family is what I’d call “average”. They give Chris a bit of a hard time about what his plans are post-Bachelor and her dad/step dad both offer to ‘pool their resources to take him out’ if he hurts her. But that’s really about all that is memorable about the visit.
At the end of the day, Chris gives a heartfelt speech about how ‘amazing her family is’ and you can see the cynical look in Mikaela’s dads eyes. His cynicism is probably the best part of the entire date.
HOMETOWN DATE 2: CATIE
Catie is from the same place as Chris, so at least neither one of the would have to move, which is a bonus.
Chris shows up to a coffee shop where Catie has been sat reading her own journals. You do you, Catie.
She goes on this long winded rant, to the point where Chris can’t even get a word in edgewise. Catie has brought along her journal, because apparently over the years she has been compiling what she thinks the ‘perfect man for her’ would be like, and Chris has all those characteristics. Chris is taken aback by the level of detail that she has gone into, but that’s not even the more alarming part. Two years ago, Catie went to a medium who told her that her soul mate was named Chris, so she’s taking this as a sign that they are meant to be together.
Chris is really, really weirded out by this, as you would be. While Catie just blabbers on, unconcerned about what’s she’s spilling to him. Also, she’s omitting the fact that the medium probably looked up a list of “popular boy names in the late 80s/early 90s” and picked the most generic name.
After that conversation, it seems likely it’s the beginning of the end for these two Torotonians.
They stroll to Catie’s parents home holding roses and wine, of course. This seems to be the real Toronto though, so I guess they aren’t using that BC tax break after all.
All of her family can’t believe that he is ‘soulmate Chris’ and he is visibly uncomfortable every time it’s brought up.
Overall, Catie’s family isn’t very hard on him at all. Her dad says that he ‘welcomes him with open arms’ and Chris basically says that if her dad was able to manage Catie for 30 years, maybe he can too. Which is probably not the best thought to have when starting a new relationship.
HOMETOWN DATE 3: LYNDSEY
Duncan, Vancouver Island
Ah, we’re in Vancouver – hello tax break!
The first thought about this date is that Lyndsey’s family must be very wealthy if they can afford prime Vancouver Island real estate – even if it’s not in the city proper, that’s got to be very expensive.
First up, Lyndsey takes Chris to meet her grandpa, who I love instantly. He’s originally from the Netherlands but has lived in Canada for over 60 years, and he owns the land they are currently on. Hey Chris, Lyndsey might be worth it just for future real estate value!
After meeting Grandpa, they sit around on some of the land that he owns and she breaks out the L-card by telling Chris that he loves her. In a surprising move, Chris admits (in his monologue to the camera, not to Lyndsey in person) that he’s loved her for a while. That’s probably not going to go over well if he doesn’t pick her.
It is clear from the start that Lyndsey’s parents are not too keen on Chris. They first ask how old he is, and when dad correctly guesses 33 it’s clear he’s probably already done a full background check on this guy.
This is only the start for her dad, he absolutely grills Chris, asking him about his (lack there of) future plans and tells him he shouldn’t be saying that he loves her yet, when he doesn’t even know her. Truth papa, truth.
Lyndsey’s sisters are very interesting. They say THEY are not ready for her to settle down yet (but like, not your choice?). They also give Chris grief over his lifestyle, make fun of the fact that he’s only gone on one hike in his life and how he’d probably rather glamp than camp. They are not down with Chris, that much is blatantly clear.
One sister says if it comes down to it, don’t offer Lyndsey the fantasy suite date and walk away. They think it’s disgusting. Chris says he won’t offer it up, but he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.
He leaves the date very shaken up and uncertain of his relationship with Lyndsey. I still don’t think a rough hometown is going to be enough from keeping Catie over her though. Catie is done for.
Mikaela is confident and calm, and think’s he’s definitely going to pick her.
Catie is SUPER confident that she’s getting a rose tonight.
Lyndsey is very unsure of her future, based on the visit with her family.
This all goes down very quickly, since we are short on time, and there is not much more that happens before Chris appears in front of the ladies and stares down the two roses that are presented in front of him.
Rose 1: Mikaela
Rose 2: Lyndsey
I actually wrote in my notes “get a shot of Catie’s face when it’s revealed that she is not picked” because that girl was NOT expecting to go home tonight, let me tell you.
Catie quickly breaks into tears and is ‘infuriated.’ She thinks that Chris made the wrong choice and can’t believe that she’s heading home. Guess you gotta find yourself a new Chris, Catie!
FINALE PART 1
Part one of the finale (because we obviously need two parts of this boringness) starts with Chris onboard a plane, en route to Mexico.
Given the fact that we are treated to an elaborate flashback of his time on the Bachelor so far, as well as his time with both Mikaela and Lyndsey, we are in for a long episode. It appears in this episode we’ll get his final dates (leading to the fantasy suite) with both girls, and they’re both going to meet his parents.
There is also the usual ‘brooding’ shots and he’s wearing his favourite t-shirt in green this week. Fare thee well easy, breezy shirts in all colours of the rainbow. I’ll miss you most of all.
DATE 1: MIKAELA
The pair meet on a pirate ship, and the first thing I notice is that Mikaela’s hair is pulled back into a braid. Finally we seem to have a girl with humidity hair! It’s about time someone can’t face on the tropics looking perfect 24/7.
The pirate ship is filled with Sunwing (a budget Canadian airline) signs, because you know we can’t go a full episode without explicit marketing.
Chris finds himself doubting his relationship with Mikaela and there’s some drama when he brings this up to her. They talk about his inability to open up (which is apparently due to his baseball playing past, which I don’t really get, but whatever) but eventually they work it through and her offers her the fantasy suite key. She takes it, of course.
DATE 2: LYNDSEY
Lyndsey is still a bit unsure on her relationship with Chris, given the fact that they haven’t had a chance to chat since her hometown visit. They meet at the “Mayan Clay Spa” where they sit in a clay bath and rub it all over each other. No really, that’s honestly what happens.
They have a chat while they’re mudded up and and I notice that there is a tattoo on his shoulder of the number 1867. Now, given that this year was called “ Canada 150” here in the motherland, the ONLY thing I know about 1867 is it’s the year that Canada became a country. Can Chris really be THAT patriotic that he has that number tattoo for THAT reason?! If so, it’s just as well for him to tattoo some moose and poutine on his arms, because that is hardcore patriotism right there.
When the fantasy suite card shows up, Chris tells Lyndsey that her sisters were adamant that he not offer it to her. She appreciates the sisterly advice, but goes against it and accepts the invite.
MEET THE PARENTS
Up first is Mikaela, who shows up with a package of some kind under her arm. We can all assume what is by this point, there is no guessing.
Chris’s mom quickly takes her aside for a one-on-one chat and tells her to ‘bring the wine’. Mama must be getting some profits from a certain company for that comment, I thinks.
They chat about Chris and his mom says that a lot of his reservations about relationships come from his time playing baseball. As mentioned above, this is not the first time tonight that’s been brought up, it just seems odd that baseball would affect his personality so much. They have a decent chat and both parents generally seem to like Mikaela, and that’s all there is to it.
Even before she meets Lyndsey, mom has reservations about her and says that Chris needs someone ‘closer to his own age.’
Both parents are happy to hear that she has gone to college and that she has a job. I guess she has a job? She must have taken quite a bit of time off for this little adventure.
While Lyndsey is talking with mom, dad is having a conversation about Chris as to if he can ‘keep up with Lyndsey’. He is talking to him as if he’s over the hill at 33 and that he’s far too old to be dealing with someone so young. Guys, it’s 10 years, not 25 or something. I’m pretty sure when she’s 30 and he’s 40 he’ll be able to ‘keep up’ with her just fine.
Once both girls have met the parents, Chris asks his mom who he should choose. She very diplomatically refuses to answer because she doesn’t want to sway his opinion because it’s a decision that he should be making for himself.
Mom is very wise here and they embark on a chat about his emotional state that goes on way too long and brings us to the end of the episode.
Well, that’s it! I have no idea what’s in store for the last hour and a half, but I guess we’ll find that out next week in part 2 of the finale.