The Bachelor Episodes 4 & 5: The Krystal Show

The episode starts with the girls talking about Becka and Arie. They’re worried about the fact that she’s only 22 and there is a 14 year age gap between them.

They don’t get a chance to chat for too long, because Chris walks in and gives them the ‘bad news’ that there will be no dates today, because they are leaving LA to head to South Lake, Tahoe. Which is not quite as exciting as the girls are making it out to be.

Sienne gets the first date of the week which says to “let our love soar”. Oh great, more sky transport.

SIENNE IS TOO SMART FOR THIS BS

Get out of here as fast as you can, Sienne!

They are getting on a boat, but don’t worry they’ll be getting into the sky soon enough as they’re going parasailing. Gotta say though, it looks like fun and they have a system set up so that you don’t actually get wet, which is probably good because that water does not seem like it would be the warmest.

What’s funny this season, is that most times, on the one-on-one dates, there is a setup in place so that the other girls can actually spy on the couple on the date. Way to find a way to add more drama and animosity, Bachelor producers. This time, they’re spying through the trees and see them on the lake. Watch for this happening again in Episode 5.

After parasailing, Sienne and Arie have a picnic by the lake and learn some more information about one another. What’s obvious is that she seems way to smart and sensible for this show. Run Sienne, run far, far away.

It’s also during this time that I finally figure out who she looks like. Sienne very much resembles Candice Patton aka Iris West from The Flash, in my opinion that is.

While the lakeside date is in progress, back in the cabin o’females, Maquel gets a call from her mother saying that her grandfather has passed away. It was unexpected so she quickly packs up her things and leaves. And then she is not mentioned for the rest of the episode. Which is a little weird that not even Arie addresses her leaving. This can only mean one thing – she’s either gone for good, or will be leaving shortly after she comes back.

Back on the date, Sienne is talking about how she can’t wink. Be thankful you don’t have to wink nod on the regular, Sienne! They talk some more and nothing overly interesting happens. He gives her the rose, they kiss on a platform in front or a random band. The end.

GROUP DATE BEAR GRYLLS STYLE

I just cannot deal.

For this date, the girls will be going on a hike into the mountains and they’re going to learn some basic survival skills. This is another date I would be into. As much as I don’t like Arie I approve of his (producers) choices of dates thus far.

The instructors try to convince the ladies that they have to pee in a filtered bottle and then drink the filtered ‘water’ that remains. They’re all incredibly grossed out, as you would be, and are pretty relieved when they’re told they do not actually have to do this.

However, Kendall, Tia and Arie do eat some bugs, so this date is not without its weirdness.

Meanwhile, Krystal is very unhappy that she is not the star of this date, and attempts to do everything in her power to make her the star.

After eatings some bugs, they separate into groups, take backpacks and have to follow a map. What is unfair is that Arie is on one of the teams, meaning one of them teams will get a lot of one on one time, while trampling through the wilderness.

They quickly make it through the trees and get to an “oasis” where conveniently all the girls are wearing swimsuits under their hiking gear. Which to me seems like it would be incredibly uncomfortable.

From this date, all I really gather is that Tia is quickly becoming one of my favourites, mostly because she’s really quick witted and sarcastic, which are qualities I admire in a person. She is the one who gets the group date rose.

BECKA IS 22

When you’re 36 and you realize your fav girl is 22.

It’s finally time for a one-on-one with Becka. It’s been clear since the beginning that she’s been one of his favourites, but will that change when he finds out her age? We will see!

They’re going to explore Tahoe on horseback. I’ve probably ranted about this before, but horseback riding just seems like the least romantic time to me. It’s uncomfortable, you have to make sure you don’t do something dumb that will get you thrown from the horse, and they’re well, messy. No thanks!

After that, they sit in a hot tub, drink some wine and Arie talks about his crappy race car driving ‘career.’ After this, Arie asks if she’s ready for commitment but she expertly tosses back at hime ‘how do you even know when you’re ready?’ They actually have a very sensible conversation about how he’s at a different place in life than he was in his late 20’s and he wonders if she is ready for the same things that he is. This is when she finally admits that she’s only 22 and his facial reaction to this news is hilarious.

To be fair though, a LOT of girls this season are not much older than 22. I’d argue that a lot of them are too young and in a much different place of life than Arie is, it’s definitely not just Becka.

Arie wonders if 22 is too young and tells her that if she ever feels like she’s in too deep, just to tell him and she can leave. However, this doesn’t stop him from giving her the rose.

THE KRYSTAL… I MEAN, COCKTAIL PARTY

Just doing is fav rose ceremony lean.

The Krystal show starts with Krystal talking. Of course. The other girls are just rolling their eyes and pretending to be oblivious to her presence. She blabbers on and on and on, to the point where everyone is annoyed.

There is not going to be a cocktail party tonight because Arie apparently ‘knows what he wants.’ So they quickly gather up their dress tails and head to the room of pain AKA rose ceremony room.

FYI Sienne, Tia and Becka are the unlucky rose recipients so far this week.

Before he can start handing out roses to the other girls, Krystal pulls him aside for a quick chat because OF COURSE SHE DOES.

All of the other girls are pissed about this happening and think it’s extremely unfair, which it certainly is. They all think that she should go home, but we all know that is not going to happen. After the chat, the rose ceremony starts again.

Just gotta side note that the way Arie lurches over the roses before he’s going to hand them out kills me every time, it’s so unintentionally funny.

Roses, in order:

  1. Lauren
  2. Kendall
  3. Ashely
  4. Becca
  5. Chelsea
  6. Jenna
  7. Jacqueline
  8. Marikh
  9. Krystal (ugh)

This means that Caroline and Brittany (who we know nothing about, so it’s not a surprise) will be heading home and Krystal gets another week to whine. Yay.

The best part of this whole episode is the vignette at the very end, where Chelsea and Marikh are having a conversation. Marikh confronts Chelsea about telling Arie that she was fixing her hair in the compass when they were on the group date and accuses her of “Glam Shaming.” Chelsea can’t believe what she’s hearing, looks straight at the camera and mutters “freaking millennials.” And that’s the end! Thanks for that, Bachelor!

EPISODE 5

Quintessential beach shot.

This week our Bachelor team is heading to Fort Lauderdale, Florida so of course we are ‘treated’ to some shots of Arie driving a fancy car along the beach. All the girls are running toward their new hotel while frantically holding on to their shirts (literally, not metaphorically). Maquel is back this week and Chelsea is given the first date card.

LETS GET OUR TITANIC ON

Jack Dawson, he is not.

For their date, Arie and Chelsea start off on a boat and instant doing some ‘titanic-ing’ which honestly, I wold do the exact same thing, so I do not place any judgement there. As per the last episode, once they head out on their jet skis, the other girls are able to creep them. It’s so weird and so very Bachelor.

At one point, Chelsea and Arie climb on to the same jet ski and start making out. You guys, this seems very unsafe!

After this, they ‘eat some dinner’ amongst some classic cars. Which is weird, but whatever. They have a chat about Chelsea’s life. She was ‘swept off her feet’ at age 20, which she wasn’t ready for (which is interesting since Becka is only 22) and her ex left her when she was six months pregnant.

At first, it really seemed like Chelsea was going to be set up to be the villain of this season, but after the mess that is Krystal, I really don’t mind her as much anymore. She’s a bit intense, but not too bad. Watch me take these words back in a few weeks, probably.

Arie obviously likes her, and gives her the rose. That’s really about the gist of that date.

HURRICANE KRYSTAL

Drinking to forget where they are.

For the group date this week, the girls + Arie are going bowling. We’re treated to a needless montage of Arie putting on his socks and licking a bowling ball?! It’s gross.

The girls are split into two teams, the team that wins will get to spend more time with Arie later in the evening, and the losing team will go home. There are some questionable bowling outfits that are quickly covered by even more questionable bowling shirts.

So of course the team with Krystal on in wins, (by a lot, the other team was not great). However, after seeing how sad the other girls are about not getting to spend any more time with him, Arie has a change of heart and allows them to join them for the evening portion of the date as well. C’mon girls, you were almost home free! You could have gone home and watched Netflix and ate pizza! Except not, because they have no technology access and omg do they not have pizza access?! That would be tragic.

ANYWAY when Krystal finds out that all the girls will be going on the evening date, not just her little team, she straight up loses her mind.

We find out that on the bus on the way back to the house, she went nuts over the fact that the winning team doesn’t get private time, she calls Arie a liar and she says she’s not going to go because she feels ’so disrespected.’ Umm, Krystal you realize it wasn’t just ONLY you that was going to be on that date right? She’s behaving like a child.

The other girls can’t deal with her drama and basically agree with me and say that she’s behaving like a toddler.

When they all show up for the evening date, Arie realizes that Krystal is not there, and the girls give him the gist of what went on. But, instead of leaving things at that he decides to go talk to her NOW instead of having a date, with you know, the girls who actually showed up.

This plays right into Krystal’s hands, but Arie basically tells her that she should spend the night in her room and he’ll see her in a few days. He should have sent her straight home, but just like the Rolling Stones say, you can’t always get what you want.

Back the date, there’s a bit of chatting with Arie, but just as the girls are mocking her, Krystal shows up. Becka calls her out and says now she’s going back on her word by showing up when she was basically told not to. She can’t even really respond and just gets up and leaves again. That was a waste of some good hairspray.

Eventually, the date rose shows up, and it’s given to Lauren.

AIRBOATS WITH TIA

Tia is displeased by the gators.

They’re going on an airboat ride to look at some gators. I guess because she is southern? Either way, it looks like fun.

They take their ride and then stop to talk to a guy who has a tavern on the everglades and he cooks them up a feast of frog legs, deep fried corn on the cob and catfish.

It’s a fun date but nothing else overly interesting happens in this portion of it.

Later in the evening, Tia shows up for supper wearing a VERY short dress, I really hope there’s something underneath it.

She tells Arie that she was in college for seven years and has a doctorate degree. This, once more, automatically makes me think that she’s too good for him and should get herself far, far away from these everglades. Also, I’m not sure if you can get an doctorate in Canada in seven years, so it’s really impressive that she was able to do it so quickly.

They also have a pretty interesting conversation about their religious views, which is something that is not talked about very much on the Bachelor. She is pretty religious and he is not, so I’m wondering how that difference could work out between them in the long run.

Tia tells him that she’s starting to fall in love with him. Which makes it our first L Word of the season. So, obviously she gets a rose.

COCKTAILS AND ROSES

Becka cannot deal.

Kendall is coming on strong in the last few weeks. She tells Arie that she has a book of 100 questions and that he should pick a number and she’ll ask him that question. He picks #99 which is “would you try human meat” – she says yes, he says no.

Nearly every episode, Krystal pulls at least one girl said so that “they can have a chat.” Basically every girl has a one-on-one session with her and it’s the same boring bull over and over again. She really needs to get the heck out of there, sooner than later.

At the rose ceremony, Tia, Lauren and Chelsea already have roses. The others who get them, in order of call out are:

  1. Becka
  2. Sienne
  3. Kendall
  4. Becca
  5. Jacqueline
  6. Jenna
  7. Krystal

UGH KRYSTAL IS STILL HANGING ON. Anyway, three girls, including Maquel are sent home. Next week looks like the dreaded two-on-one date, so lets all look forward to that!

Terri

Bruins fan since birth, fantasy hockey nut. Love NBA, tennis, racing, but not MLB. I'm a Canadian who hates winter and daydreams about beaches.