I Can’t Get With This Ta-Ta Towel Thing


Boobs. Lets talk about them. They aren’t the worst thing in the world – hell I like the way mine look in somethings. They feed babies. So like I get the life sustaining function of boobs. But boobs aren’t all that great all the time.

They hurt your back.

They cost a fortune in bras.

They swell and hurt every single month like clockwork.

They start to sag at really inconvenient times.

They itch.

I could go on and on about the reasons that boobs sometimes suck. But lets talk about the reason that they have made the news – SWEAT.

Now, I don’t know about you but my boobs sweat all the time. Cause I am walking around rocking G cups. This shit is like two XL batches of jello hanging off my body. When I lay down – its like lets decide are they going to fall to the side or smack me in the face. Ya, they are like two taunting pains in the ass that won’t let me live.

And they sweat.

They sweat all the fucking time. I work out – you guessed it – they sweat. I sleep – yup, they sweat. When I go for a walk – yup, there’s water under there

BUT – you know what, that’s life. That’s part of being a woman. Hell, I am sure if you are a man you have chest sweat too.

But you know what I am not going to do? Spend $45.00 on a towel in order to a titty hammock. I don’t need to buy a towel to wrap around my neck like a slingshot and my heads the only thing from stopping it from popping off.

Look, I give it up to the person who invented the Ta-Ta Towel. I can understand being an entreprenuer. I admire the fact that she’s made a business. Hell, I get it.

But am I going to be honest – am I going to walk outside and water plants with a towel around my neck?

Am I going to cook and risk splatter on me?


At the end of the day, all I wanna do is take off my bra and let my boobs free.

What I will do is when my boobs sweat, I will let my bra soak that shit up. And when it gets to that time when my bra needs to come off, I will do what was good enough for my Grandma and my Mom – I will stand in front of the fan, lift up my shirt, and let electricity work for me.

And if the electricity is out – I’ll wipe the sweat off with the $6.99 towel I got at Target.

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