It’s like that old saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed fixing the timeline, try, try again as many times as possible to unscrew it up.”
If you described “Legends of To-Meow-Meow” to someone who doesn’t watch Legends of Tomorrow, they would look at you like you were the craziest person they had ever met. After all, this mid-season finale included all these things:
- Homages to The A-Team and Charlie’s Angels
- Singing puppets teaching life lessons on Napoleon and the number 3
- An adorable cat
- The reveal of a big bad who is actually a demon with the face of John Constantine’s lover
And the most Legends thing of all is that in the middle of all of that, we still got emotional moments of love, heartbreak, pain and hope thanks to Constantine’s efforts to save Dez, the true love John sent to hell to try to eliminate the demon Neron. Dez is now the face of Neron – and he’s working with Nate’s dad.
To say it’s not going to be a bed of roses for the Legends coming up might be a understatement. So without any further ado, let’s dig in to the latest episode of CUSTODIANS OF THE CHRONOLOGY!!.. No, sorry, I meant SIRENS OF SPACE-TIME!!… Oh, oops nope… Ah, I mean LEGENDS OF TOMORROW….maybe?
MEET THE CUSTODIANS OF THE CHRONOLOGY!
The episode follows Constantine and Charlie as they try to half-ass change things back to normal, after John broke the timeline by saving Dez. (More on why they’re half-assing it shortly.) Charlie’s first clue: Zari is a cat. It’s one of the cutest and best parts of the episode, but she’s still a cat.
Charlie heads to 1962 Las Vegas. She sees how badly things things have been messed up when the lads of the team show up as a A-Team rip-off called “Custodians of the Chronology” and kill Charlie’s leprechaun friend.
It doesn’t take Charlie long to decide the problem goes back to Woodstock. Because Constantine saved Dez, he didn’t go there with the Legends, and the magical unicorn they fought there killed Sara, who’s now memorialized on a plaque at the Time Bureau.
Charlie realizes this is a f*ck up of massive proportions and goes to get John to fix this one.
Now this is where we get into the part of the episode that you’ll either love or hate. John’s been in Time Bureau prison, plagued with visions. Charlie busts him out, but instead of listening to Zari’s sound advice (and the normal advice anyone of sound mind would give) to go fix everything from the real start (John’s breakup with Dez), the duo decide to save Sara and everything will be ok!! And then turn Zari back into a kitty. Dumb move, guys. Dumb move.
But they both have motivation. For John, it’s saving the love of his life. For Charlie, it’s the return of her powers. This is why they’re half-assing their fixes, no matter what Zari says.
John and Charlie end up saving Sara. So, all’s well that ends well?
Ha! this is Legends, people.
Make Way For The Sirens Of Space-Time!
All this did was put a piece of tape on a crumbling roof. Now, the boys are dead, killed by the Fairy Godmother the Legends met in Salem a few episodes back. Now Sara, Ava and Gideon are a Charlie’s Angels group called “Sirens of Space-Time,” which is a much better name than the Custodians. At least Sirens aren’t fracking janitors, fellas.
Now does any of this make sense? No, it really doesn’t. But Legends decided a long time ago that this show wasn’t about seriousness for the most part. Now the characters can be serious, and they do have emotional moments that rival any in the Arrowverse, but the stories in large part have been on the goofy side. Would the guys actually become Rambos on magical creature hunts? Probably not. Would the ladies become sexy sirens of danger? Maybe, but I doubt it. But when it comes to Legends and these types of episodes, it’s up to you whether you think they are enjoyable or not. For me, this was fun, silly and harmless.
Enter The Puppets Of Tomorrow!
Besides these two scenarios weren’t even close to the silliest one of the episode. After John & Charlie saved the day in 1692, they return to the jump ship to find Zari has gone from cat to puppet. And when John shows up on the Waverider, the rest of the team are puppets as well. SINGING PUPPETS. Singing goody two-shoes puppets who teach educational lessons.
(Turns out after the fairy godmother left her charge in Salem, she hooked up with Mick, who said the rest of the team were Time Bureau puppets. Once they’re transformed, he heads off with the Fairy Godmother to pull heists – and she’s carrying Snart’s Cold Gun and wearing his parka and goggles!)
This leads to a semi-funny montage of Charlie checking the Bureau’s memorial plaque to see if she has fixed time. The pictures keep changing, with different Legends and Bureau agents dying. (Though I wish she’d stopped at the where Gary is dead.)
After all these attempts, John’s brain is hurting. He and Zari finally agree to stop it all where it started: the breakup with Dez. Charlie disagrees, because she would lose her powers again. So she disguises herself as Ava and sends the Legends to New Orleans to stop John.
Getting Back To Normal
This leads to the big emotional moment of the episode and a really wonderful scene for Matt Ryan as he shows off John’s vulnerability with Dez. It showcases how much John truly loves… loved him. (Now I feel sad.) Charlie also realizes the Legends stopped killing magical creatures because she showed them the creatures are people as well.
Unlike John’s story arc, which felt earned, I still felt no bond or sorrow for Charlie. She was a jerk a lot of this episode. Zari has to be the kindest soul on the ship (well maybe next to Ray) to forgive Charlie for what happened. I would be angry to this day. Charlie still has a ways to go before I feel like she has earned my forgiveness for her selfish actions. John was trying to save someone, the love of his life. Charlie was just trying to help herself.
So in the end, John mind-wipes Dez after making up with him in the past, and all goes back to whatever you want to call normal for the Legends of Tomorrow. Normal being – taking out the possessed Stein puppet from last episode, Ava and Mick finally bonding over his novel and….. I don’t know if they ever showed what happened between Mona and her hairy ape-like looking love interest. They kind of just left that one hanging. Hmm.
So at the halfway point of the season, the battle looks pretty set – Legends vs. Demonic Creature possessing the loved one of one of the team members working with one of the other team member’s dad. Honestly, when you read it out loud….this is kind of the simplest story arc Legends has had in the last few seasons.
- So we found out why the Legends are not in the big Arrowverse crossover and I loved it. They just simply ignored Barry, Oliver and Kara’s phone calls.
- Cat Zari patting John’s arm was so damn cute. A team member needs to be changed into a cat every week.
- Sara, Nate and Ray singing as puppets was actually pretty good and reminded me a lot of old Community episode where they had puppets singing on there too.
- Mick’s lady friend Garima was back in the Custodians timeline. Feel like this isn’t the last we’ll see of her either on here.
- Ava mourns Sara’s death in the Custodian timeline by having black hair and wearing hoodies. Please Sara, never die.
- So Legends is off until April and that is going to drive me up a wall.
Legends of Tomorrow returns in April 2019 on the CW.
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A person of many loves from sports to television. Owned by many different cats. Can tell you what happened in every episode of Lost but not what I ate yesterday.