‘Riverdale’ 2×11 Review: Pickens Day Sucks

The CW

This week’s Riverdale focused on the awful history of our beloved drama filled town. It’s Pickens Day, a time for the town to come together and celebrate their rich history of General Pickens who was employed by Grandpappy Blossom and essentially built Riverdale. Little do the residents know, Pickens was not a man to be celebrated and was actually a mass murderer who slaughtered Riverdale’s native inhabitants, the Uktena tribe. They didn’t know, that is, until Jughead wrote an expose about Riverdale’s shocking past. But I’m getting ahead of myself…let’s run down what happens.

Veronica Takes Over The Pussycats

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Veronica, still wanting to be the best daughter ever, continues to work her Lodge magic behind the scenes just like mom and dad. She’s even being invited to their clandestine meetings to “unite” the North and South Side, in efforts of making the SoDale project accepted by the town. Why Mayor McCoy, Sheriff Keller and Fred Andrews are okay with a teen being present at their meeting, is beyond me.

At sixteen, I was more interested in putting mentos in cokes and finding the right OPI shade to convey my proper level of emoness, not planning town takeovers. But Veronica is a Lodge afterall, being mischievous is in her blood.Later, McCoy throws shade at Veronica and her family’s less than decent behavior by refusing to let Josie reunite and sing at the Pickens festival with her beloved Pussycats. Instead at the festival, Veronica sings with the Pussycats, “Union of the Snake” by Duran Duran.

Their cover is good, but not good enough for Jughead and his band of Serpents to stop their protesting. Sorry V. You’ll get them next time, maybe with a cover of “Don’t Stop Believing” that always worked at my middle school dances to get people to come together.

Archie Can’t Wrestle

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Meanwhile Hiram Lodge is taking a break of town restructuring and scheming to bully Archie. Archie, still working with the sketchy FBI Agent, asks Ronnie for a new approach to get in her father’s good graces, which is apparently through…drumroll please…wrestling. Archie takes the words out of my mouth when he asks, “wrestling, really?” and Ronnie explains her dear dad was once the captain of Riverdale’s wrestling team.

And now we all understand the origin story of Hiram’s aggression. Archie’s tryouts go predictably terrible and Hiram can’t help but boast about how much Archie sucks and will never win, like its completely normal he’s competing with a teen for his daughter’s affection. Grow up Mr. Lodge, go and find someone your own age to pick on. Neither of them uses their wits to best the other, only instead showing their dominance on the mat and through athleticism. Archie eventually proves himself by taking on Chuck Clayton (yes, reformed douchebag Chuck) and defeats him, thereby proving himself to Daddy Lodge.

Apparently Hiram’s animosity towards Archie went beyond his love for Veronica, as he later invites Archie into the Lodge web of town dealings. “Like an internship” Archie asks Hiram as the FBI Agent calls him at precisely the exact time he’s being invited into their group. At this rate, Hiram will welcome Cheryl into their elite clan of blackmail next week.

Chic the Cam Boy

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In the Cooper Household, the newly arrived Chic struggles to adjust to the Cooper Lifestyle. Hal isn’t making it any easier by mentioning Polly every five minutes and telling Chic he’s only there to fill a void. Are we just going to accept the fact that Hal is pining over the loss of Polly, when he and Alice shipped her off just months ago? There has got to be more to this animosity directed towards Chic, perhaps, he suspects Chic isn’t his son but the spawn of Alice’s previous high school boyfriend? IS CHIC FP’S SON? I have to know.

Kevin informs Betty he recognized her new brother from the Web. Turns out Chic is a “cybertrick”, otherwise known as a Cam Boy. Rather than go into Mommy mode, Betty asks Chic about his business. She knows Chic possesses a darkness like herself and wants to find a way to manage it. Chic explains he cams to escape and introduces caming to Betty. What’s Chic’s endgame? Is he actually trying to bond with Betty or is this about sabotaging her “safe” existence? Honestly despite how terrible this is going to go, I’m excited about the return of Dark Betty.

General Pickens Sucks

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Now back to Pickens day, Jughead interviews Toni’s grandfather about Riverdale’s history and discovers its dark past. Off Jughead’s shocked look after her granddad explains Pickens killed over four hundred natives, Toni aptly says Riverdale’s history has been white-washed. What you mean Jason Blossom wasn’t the first one? Nope, he was just the first one the town cared about. With Toni, Jughead and the Southsiders lead a protest on the Pickens Day Festival. Sadly their rally is shut down super fast. Jughead’s vendetta against the North Sidemakes sense, but he can’t rewrite his history of being an adopted North Sider by way of Betty and Archie. Speaking of which, when is he going to reunite with Archie? Why can’t everyone just get along?

Around Riverdale/Musings

  • Did Penelope Blossom just proposition Hal? Do we even care?
  • Where is FP? Why isn’t he at the Pickens Festival? Will we ever get more moments of him and Alice together? Will he ever punch Hal in his stupid face?
  • Kevin’s A+ line “Yeah Archie, you have the physique of a 1970s porn star, but that doesn’t mean you can wrestle.” No it does not.
  • Does this mean Josie and the Pussycats, are now Veronica and the Pussycats? When will they ever get a stable leader?
  • Archie mentions he’s done with music, will he stick to his word? Please let it be true.
  • YASSSS Cheryl, I’m so proud of you for standing up with the South Siders!
  • Sweet Pea kicking Reggie’s butt at Basketball is awesome. More Sweet Pea please!

Agree? Disagree? What did you think of the episode?

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on the CW.

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