I’ve been away for a week, and for that, I apologize. This week’s ‘Riverdale’ was pretty damn crazy. There are threats! Two Elections about to happen! Chic gets even creepier! But wait there’s more… read on or perish.
Betty v. Half-Brother
Betty is high on the fact that Chic isn’t her brother. Alice finally comes clean saying Chic isn’t Hal’s but some other guy’s. Who could it be??? My bet’s on FP. Those cheekbones? How could he not be?? Kevin pulls a bad friend move and tells Chic Betty and him have been catfishing him from since they met. Kevin! Where’s your loyalty? Betty notches her threats to expose Chic up further, by lurking.
She holds a Zippo to his face while he sleeps. She tells him she caught all the bad men in town ie: Clifford Blossom (true), Sugar Man (true), the Black Hood (def not true) and she’s gonna catch him. She lightly threatens when she catches him he’ll probably die, which is pretty intense since they are still half-siblings! Chic predictably goes to Alice and informs her of Dark Betty’s wig she uses to have sex with Jughead. *Gasp* How did Alice not assume this already? They’ve been dating and have been hot and heavy for so long. Alice tells Betty she and FP had a thing, and I’m wondering what’s taking Betty so long to realize Chic is FP’s son. Chic and Betty have another showdown, but Chic gets the upper-hand by pointing out he never touched the body! Or destroyed the body! Or moved the body! You got a point there, Chic.
Veronica Lodge for Class Prez
Hermonie Lodge is up to shenanigans again, this time she’s conspiring with Hal Cooper. What he could give to her she can’t get herself, is unclear. He’s involved with maintaining the “stability” of Riverdale, because I’m sure people are going to start to put the pieces together that Lodge Industries is taking over the entire town. At school, Veronica gets a Pop’s milkshake to the face, by none other than Ethel. Welcome back Ethel! People are starting to catch on to the Lodges’ sketchiness, and Reggie (who’s running for Class President) decides to taunt V. Bad move bro. Veronica, taking a page from Betty’s playbook, goes Dark V™ and punches Reggie. The guy goes down. Anybody else think she should go out for kickboxing?!? I’m sure she could start a team.
Veronica’s logical option to challenge people who think her parents being bullies? By running for class president, of course! B agrees to be her second in command. Veronica bribes Josie with a shout out from Andy Cohen (from Bravo), so they can bury the hatchet and sing together. Ethel interrupts their moment of sweet melodies. She distributes fliers essentially calling out all of Veronica’s bullshit and the badness of the SoDale project. Who fed her all this info? JOSIE! I wanna say its harsh, but its kind of deserved since the Lodges threw her mom out of office. Josie is the spy I need in this life. Go, Josie, go! Betty has no trust in Veronica (understandably) and drops out of the election. Veronica goes home, where Hermonie calls her out for starting more trouble by running for office. What’s Veronica’s response? It’s maybe the only way she can get out of the shadow of her parents being criminals. Maybe someone should tell her to lie low and take up a new hobby?
Jughead finds out South Side High is going be torn down for Hiram’s wretched prison. To protest it he decides to go on hunger strike. I see you there writers, trying to hint at the Jughead we know so well from the comics. He rallies the rest of the Serpents and proceeds to lock themselves together in front of the school to delay the process. It goes well for a hot minute, then Hiram wrangles Archie and convinces him to stop Jughead. In comes, Archie with some cutters and the wrestling team, releasing the Serpents from their shackles. There’s an epic stare off between Archie and Jughead. I’m praying ‘Riverdale’ is playing the long con, with an “ah-ha” moment, where Archie and Jughead have been fake feuding to dupe The Lodges. Can Archie pull off that high level of a plan…time will tell. Jughead decides to take action against the Lodges, but running against Veronica. Betty joins as his VP and all is right in the world…for now.
One Flew Over the Blossom’s Nest
Last week, we watched as our favorite redhead overheard her mother conspire with her long-lost uncle to murder her and her grandmother. But before she gets to that, she has Toni try out for the Cheer Squad. Toni goes full Missy from Bring it On, and dare I say, I loved it? It was so like Cheryl’s dance-off with Veronica last season. It only takes her .0001 of a nanosecond to tell Toni she’s made the team. To celebrate she invites her “inner circle” to a sleepover, where she proceeds to tell her girls about her mom’s devious plan. Betty can believe it, because she’s dealing with Chic. Cheryl and Toni wind up sleeping in the same bed and we get so close to a sweet first kiss, but no its interrupted by a murder attempt. Nana Rose fell down the stairs, in the most obvious twist ever. Cheryl is bugging and confronts her mother, in return her mother sends her to Sister’s of Quiet Mercy, FOR CONVERSION THERAPY. THIS IS SO SCREWED UP. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN TO CHERYL?
- The Lodges bring Andy Cohen from Bravo to distract? OMG. Wait, how does this have to do with ‘Riverdale’? Is Mr. Cohen a big fan of the show?
- What happened to South Side Serpents pretend D&D club??
- Archie’s mom is back in town to look over paperwork, and I like Molly Ringwald, but she doesn’t really contribute to the plot
- Reggie is back! Now, where’s skeezy Chuck?
- Fred is back on the running for Mayor tracks
- Cheryl’s kept the dress she wore when she last saw Jason is mega creepy
As you can tell I died, what did you think about this week’s ‘Riverdale?’
Agree? Disagree? Share with us in the comments below!
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on the CW.