‘Scream’ 2×09 Recap: “No Secret Stays Locked Away Forever”

In this week’s episode of Scream we said goodbye to a fan favorite literally the worst person on the show. I found out I was spelling Emma’s last name wrong the entire time, and Noah lost something but gained something else.

This episode of Scream was aptly titled “The Orphanage” which was a Spanish horror movie made in 2007. It was about these orphans who were basically mini devils. You know how kids are LOL.

Anyway, it goes hand in hand with what goes down in this week’s episode, but I’ll let you figure that one out. We have a recap to get to.

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We start the episode off inside the Duvall house with Emma stabbing Noah, Audrey and Kieran. Luckily, it was just a dream, but Maggie still had to wake Emma up while avoiding the swinging knife. Being a parent is serious business and sometimes your kid stabs you in their sleep, but Emma woke up before she could do any serious damage.  2x09_5

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Emma tried to explain her nightmare to Kieran, but he tried to make it about him and the trauma he went through. Dude, we get it, you almost got shot, but like, Emma’s trying to have a serious convo with you. Just be the dad boyfriend she needs and say it’ll be okay. 2x09_8

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Waking up from their night ~alone~ were Brooke and Stavo. They had an adult sleepover after Brooke pulled a Kim K (sorta) on Lakewood. Before they could have some morning sex, Brooke was reminded of her dead bae Jake. Stavo totally understood and left with a tube of Brooke’s lipstick and probably without his shirt. He was doing all of Lakewood a favor tbh.




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Emma declined Kieran’s act of teenage rebellion, which was oddly out of character for him from what we’ve seen, and went to school (!!!) There, she gave Brooke the low-down on what happened with Audrey before cornering Noah. Noah tried to mumble his way out of it with some not so great advice, but Emma wasn’t having it. She was all yell-y and Noah just took it.

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Audrey tried to explain to Emma what had happened, and Emma’s friends tried to make a human wall which Audrey barreled through to get to Emma.

A seriously pissed off Emma took her anger out on Audrey, yelling at her before slamming her against the lockers. Audrey looked shocked, everyone in hall looked shocked and Emma stormed off, not even slightly phased. Just pissed as hell.

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After licking her wounds, Audrey and Noah snuck off to an empty classroom to yell at each other about Emma yelling at them. There was a lot of yelling.

The gist of it was that Audrey was pissed that Noah lied, when Noah thought that Emma would be A-Okay with the whole thing. Then the topic of how the recording got out came up and all signs were pointing to Zoe, but Noah was determined to prove Audrey wrong. Come on, let the dude just chill with his girlfriend.

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Emma and Kieran eventually ditched school (TEENAGE REBELLION YEAH) because Emma found a cassette tape in her locker that was attached to a strand of hair. Lovely.

The couple went back to Emma’s house to listen to the tape — I honestly don’t know who had the tape deck laying around, I just assumed Kieran because Kieran WOULD have a tape deck lbr.

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The two of them listened to the tape and found that Ms. Lang had been recording her conversations with Emma and then making notes on the conversations. Conclusion? Ms. Lang was creepily obsessed with Emma for some reason. So the pair decided they needed to find out!

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Noah made the mistake of inviting both Audrey and Zoe over to his room to figure out where the recording had come from. To say the room was hostile is an understatement. Audrey was convinced that Zoe had sent the recording to Emma. Zoe was convinced Audrey was the reason Noah was a virgin.

It took Noah awhile, (for some reason), but he figured out that Zoe had emailed herself the attachment. Zoe tried to play it off as if she was just a rabid fangirl; she didn’t send it anywhere else, just to herself. Noah believed her, Audrey did not.

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Emma and Kieran went to go visit Ms. Lang in the hospital to figure out what Ms. Lang’s deal was. Only, when they got there, Ms. Lang freaked the f out and the two were removed from the room.

THAT’S when Emma noticed daisies being delivered for Ms. Lang and Kieran secret agent man-ed himself over to steal the card. The daisies were from Piper, who called Ms. Lang Krissy and was also very dead, so that’s probably an issue.

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Stavo snuck into his dad’s office after the sheriff had a little heart to heart with Maggie. He found files on Jake’s death and took some pics of some incriminating evidence before finding out that his Dad suspected him as well. #Betrayal.

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Even though the dummy email account led back to Zoe, Noah still decided to believe Zoe over Audrey. There was more yelling and Noah pointed out that shifting the blame wasn’t going to fix Audrey’s friendship with Emma. Audrey had to do that on her own, so Audrey stormed out, leaving Noah and Zoe alone.

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Oh, there was a sex montage with Zoe and Noah. I’m still recovering. Noah pulling down the Virgin Stabbing movie poster was A Plus. 10/10 congrats. 2x09_38

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Our mystery solving duo snuck into Ms. Lang’s house after Kieran stole the keys (his early onset dads is fading thank God) There, they found an upside down picture that showed Ms. Lang and Piper as little BFFs.

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Noah figured out that the killer was listening in on all things and everything from camera he stole from the storage locker. He quickly smashed it, but the killer probably got an earful of Noah’s weird sex sounds. So guess who lost in that equation. THAT’S RIGHT, THE KILLER. SUCK IT.

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Emma called Noah — even though she was still pissed AF at him, congratulated him on the sex before moving on to the story behind where Ms. Lang and Piper grew up. Apparently it was a home for mentally unstable orphan girls. Were you expecting anything less?

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Audrey got invited to a killer party! So she ditched writing her apology letter to Emma and went off to save her BFF. Because, well, Noah was no longer a virgin which meant he could die now! Apparently, there’s always a price to pay when it comes to sex, kids.

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Brooke got info from Stavo that her dad had sent Jake to his death. In another powerful dragging, Brooke called her dad out and then stomped away. She went to some fancy hotel where Stavo met her later on to have another adult sleepover probably.2x09_72

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Emma and Co. showed up to the crazy house only to find a huge rager going on. The killer had send out a e-vite to a party hosted by none other than Emma and Audrey.

Honestly, I can’t believe how many people showed up on such short notice. I need at least two weeks to get ready for a party. Also there was an insane amount of glow sticks and masks. I just, I need to know the logistics behind the party planning. That’s what my question to the killer will be–how the hell did you pull this off in less than two hours?

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The group split up to go figure out ways to shut the party down and Emma cornered Hayley up at the DJ Booth. She demanded answers, Hayley was a bitch. As usual. She gave her “special friend” all the credit, aka she was banging some dude or gal who wanted to throw this party and then just went along with his or her plans willingly.

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Emma spotted Audrey in the crowd and the two of them escaped the crowd to some deserted hallway. They figured out that the killer wanted both of them there for some reason — even if they both never wanted to see the other again like ever.

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Hayley’s killer boyf came to surprise her in an abandoned closet but of course we only got to see his face when the mask covered it. He stopped her from kissing him, but Hayley decided she could put her mouth elsewhere.

She dropped down to her knees only to come face to knife.

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Hayley’s boyf decided the best way to let her know that they were breaking up was by killing her. So he did just that, stabbing her multiple times as the party continued on in a weird syncopated rhythm, alternating between party and death.

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Emma and Audrey were on a  mission to find their better halves after receiving a text from the killer, who had just finished killing his. Noah and Zoe had shut the lights and music off so it was just the girls and their flashlights in the creepy ass orphanage.

While they walked, they found a trail of pictures of Piper. So of course, they decided to follow them to see where they led.

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Kay so remember how they couldn’t find Piper’s body? Apparently, someone had grabbed it from the lake and kept it tHIS WHOLE TIME. Like a weird thing they were saving for just that exact moment. They literally had the whole thing planned out. I gotta give credit where credit is due.

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Audrey and Emma kinda sorta made up for the time being. They realized that the killer was after them both because they had both killed Piper. Emma had the kill shot, but Audrey did shoot her. So whoever was after them had some sort of connection to Piper.

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The sheriff came over, since Kieran had called the cops, (dad boyfriend, back at it again), and asked if they knew who threw the party. Emma threw Hayley right under the bus, citing her “special friend” as the killer as well.

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Then, the sheriff went into the building, only to find Hayley hanging under the banner. A real live hangman, if you will.

Thoughts??

Lauren Conrad Episode Appropriate Gif: 

tumblr_ltu6cbMYCx1r095e7o1_500(via tumblr)
Audrey Jensen “Well Shit” Tally: 45

Fatalities: 

  • Hayley Myers
  • Noah’s Virginity
  • Noah’s Virgin Stabbing Poster
  • Mayor Maddox’s pride
  • Audrey’s head (she got slammed pretty hard)

Well versed in all things concerning pop culture and social media. I write recaps not tragedies.