If there is one thing that we should learn when it comes to The Royals is that we really know nothing. Like nothing. Like when you think that you know something, you should realize that there is something that you don’t and it’s going to come at you like a freight train and makes you thankful that your family isn’t as fucked up as this one.
Or at least that you aren’t living your fucked up life in the spotlight.
This weeks episode of The Royals had us wondering if Liam had lost his damn mind, if love wins out over all, if we were too quick to judge Helena as a shitty mother, and just what it will take to bring in a doctor that can diagnose Robert with whatever damn mental illness he has.
Let’s break this shit down.
BECKY. BECKY BEAUREGARD
You know, we can’t wait for the day that Eleanor and Jasper can just be like YES WE ARE TOGETHER MUTHA FUCKERS. But, now isn’t that day, so we have to live with the knowledge that they are together and can’t tell the world yet.
That doesn’t mean that we aren’t pulling for them 100 times over.
Eleanor is spending all of her time at the hospital, as anyone would when the man that they love is in there. But we all don’t live our lives in the public eye, so…
Eleanor has definitely been changed by Jasper getting shot and being away. Sure, we knew that as time goes on, people change, but for Eleanor it was getting out of her comfort zone that made her want to do better. To be better. So, it’s not really surprising that she’s looking for a way to make the world a better place.
Jasper wakes up in the hospital from a nap to find himself covered in letters that Eleanor is reading. Everyone seems to need help and he tells her that they are scams. She doesn’t care what he thinks, because she doesn’t want to believe that they are all bad.
Eleanor wants to believe the good in people. She wants to know that people are good. So when Jasper tells her that she should go or people will catch onto the fact that his girl is her – she gets the idea that she can stop that if she is doing good in the hospital.
And that’s when she meets Becky. Becky is a teenager with a blood disease. She’s having to miss the school dance, because she can’t leave. So Eleanor decides that if Becky can’t go to the dance then the dance will come to Becky. Our hearts broke as we saw Eleanor walk away and she was wiping away a tear.
Eleanor has grown so much, because she doesn’t just care for herself anymore. She cares for others too. Eleanor has evolved beyond being self involved. She wants to be good. She wants to be great. Eleanor is learning more and more about her place in the world and she’s embracing it.
Eleanor wants the dance to go perfect, because Becky is going through so much. Everyone in her class has RSVPed except Devin. She’s worried because it means that she would not be giving Becky everything she wants. She’s worried because she doesn’t want to fail at doing good.
It leads to Jasper wanting to do good for Eleanor and our hearts melt. He knows that Devin hasn’t RSVPed and he knows that he was on Becky’s wall. So he stands up and gets himself all dressed up to be there. At least then one of the guys that Becky wants to be there will be there.
And we have to say our hearts melted because Jasper keeps evolving ever more. These two are meant to be and the shit that they are evolving through, makes me smile.
So dance… Eleanor is scared because she wants Becky to be happy. She wants Becky to smile. And so she tries to make her happy with Jasper, but Becky is a little distracted. And one can’t blame her.
Cause that charming little shit Devin shows up.
Oh, we forgot to mention that Sebastian – that douche bag – shows up and he tries to make nice with Jasper – kind of. They are both marking their territory. Sebastian wants to test Jasper, I feel like. But the thing is that I really feel like if there is any ship that is meant to be is Jaspenor. They radiate chemistry. Hell, I want little Jaspenor babies.
At the end of the night, Eleanor tells Jasper that she is bringing him home to heal. Where is home? Her room in the palace.
And we have to say that we are living for this. We are living for our ship. This ship sails and we love it.
If there is one thing that you need to know with Jasper and Eleanor is that there are a lot of things that should keep them apart and their relationship isn’t always healthy. But they know that and they get through that. They know they are fucked up. They know they have issues.
But they accept those issues and they move forward.
These two… they make me believe in love. We’ve missed that on television – we don’t find it in every show.
One has to feel bad for Helena, because her kids are a hot fucking mess. She has nothing going on but a lot going on because she has to keep her kids from killing each other.
She’s as usual looking for love in all the wrong places – namely between the sheets. We kinda feel bad for her because she doesn’t seem to know her worth. She doesn’t seem to get how amazing she is. She’s fiercely strong. She’s beautiful. But she feels like she’s getting replaced. She feels unimportant.
And it takes a dramatic moment for her to be reminded of just how great she is.
See, Liam looses his fucking mind and pulls a gun on his brother (more on that later). It takes that moment for her to realize that she needs to be better. She needs to be stronger. She needs to be there for her kids.
Look, no secret I am not the biggest fan of Helena, but I feel like she’s redeeming herself.
LIAM NEEDS A XANAX
Here’s the thing about Liam, we get distracted by his six pack abs, that jaw line, and that damn accent. We can’t stop staring at his pretty face.
But one has to wonder if he has lost his mind because his brother is fucking with it so much. Liam wants to avenge his father. Liam wants his brother to fall. Then again, who doesn’t want Robert to come crashing the fuck down. Liam thinks that he has all the answers because he’s found the bank transfers.
But he’s not found anything.
Robert likes to taunt Liam and it pushes Liam to far. Liam decides that he is going to confront Robert and guys – we didn’t expect him to go all wannabe assassin on his brother and pull a gun. Lord, this is why it is never a good time to spend a lot of time with family.
Liam confronts Robert about the transfers and pulls a gun. Helena and Robert tell him that the transfers were sent to Ted because they felt bad about the death of his wife. Liam doesn’t believe that. He thinks that Helena is sticking up for Robbie, because they have been thick as thieves his entire life. Liam is angry.
Liam wants to kill his brother. You can see the pain in his eyes. And you think he’s going to until Eleanor clocks him.
And for the first time we’re pissed at Eleanor. Lord, we want Robert to be taken out. Like sent back to the island. That would be good for us.
They decide to keep the assassination attempt in house and not let the press or authorities know. But one has to wonder why. Why is Robert protecting his brother, because lets be honest, he needs Liam out of the way. He needs freedom from his brother, because his brother is the one person that can bring him down (Robbie that is).
It seems as if all of the sudden Liam has a change of heart. He’s suddenly okay with his brother and thinks he’s done wrong? Like why is it that he suddenly believes what he didn’t a little bit ago? Did we miss something? Did we blink? Cause here we are – a few minutes prior – and he’s okay with Robert all of the sudden?
Nope – not buying it. We think he’s up to something.
Liam tells Cyrus what he did and of course Cyrus is a little upset. He’s always got grand plans – Cyrus that is – and he doesn’t like anyone going against his plans. Cyrus wants to take Robert down and he inflicts the emotional manipulation on Liam. He lets Liam know that he’s just like him and will always be the spare.
We feel for Liam. We do. But we don’t think that we’re even anywhere close to the turmoil that is Liam and Robert. But, we think that Liam is going to overcome whatever is happening and he’s going to land on top.
Maybe that’s because we’re team #KingLiam.
ROBERT IS CREEPY AS FUCK
There are not enough words to describe our hate for Robert. He’s fucking nuts. He’s like bat shit crazy nuts. I haven’t figured out his end game, but I know that it’s nothing good. That fucker is insane and crazy enough with his actions that you can’t figure out what he’s up to.
At least we can’t.
The man is on the search for a bride and everything is impersonal. He gets off on power and we are pretty sure that’s the only way he gets off. We just haven’t figured out why it is that he’s trying to manipulate Willow into marriage. He doesn’t love her.
He doesn’t want her.
But there is something that he obviously needs from her. What is it? When will we find out? He is pulling out all the stops. The music box. The noodles.
There is something that we are missing.
But here’s our thoughts on Robert this episode –
- He is so impersonal and acts like just because he’s King he can’t have love. Ummm… we know thats a lie.
- Robert lies and tells his Mom he’s a good man. We’re waiting for lightening to strike his ass down dead.
- Robert is manipulating Willow. We don’t know why, but we know that it’s not good. And even though we don’t like her, we don’t even want her to suffer at this dicks hand.
- Robert is repulsive and we can’t wait to see how hard he falls.
The episode ends with London going black. What have you done Robbie? What have you done?
The Royals airs Sundays on E!.