Being a basic bitch sometimes gets a bad rap. Now, I take offense because I am as basic as they come. I view being basic as two different levels – the high maintenance basic bitch and the low maintenance basic bitch. I am definitely on the low maintenance end of the spectrum.
I live and die by my leggings, boots, top knot and oversized purse. In an effort to educate people on what the low maintenance basic bitch is – I have had to think of what defines my basic bitchness. I’m breaking it down for you.
1 – An affinity for lattes and Christmas cups.
Any normal time of the year – I don’t drink hot coffee. Give me a venti sugar free iced soy vanilla latte with an extra shot and I am golden. But when Starbucks breaks out the red cups – my basicness goes into overdrive and I am all about carrying them as a sign of my basicness. Gone is the simplicity of the vanilla latte – it’s all about the flavor of the season. Give me pumpkin spice or egg nog and I will drink it like it’s water.
2 – Trendy Food
Give me a salad in a plastic bowl that I can shake like a Kardashian and I am stoked. Just because it’s fall doesn’t mean that will pass. Sure – I love soup and a good hot meal – but if we’re not talking gluten free dairy free, my ass revolts. Sure, my Poke Bowl doesn’t taste good being chased down with a latte – but I am upholding a standard here people.
3 – Speaking in Hashtag
It’s not only my job in social media that keeps me busy and speaking in hashtag, it’s my life. As a basic bitch, it’s expected that my vocab consists of words like “totes” and “omg”. Anything that I can abbreviate, I am all about it.
I am also about creating a hashtag for every occasion. Want to go shopping? #ShopTilWeDrop. Want to have a girls night in? #NotHeadingOut2016. It’s all about the trend people and we’re trying to find it.
4 – Selfie Game on Point.
If you don’t have a Lumee case, you need to get your ass online and order one. We must always maintain the sanctity of a good selfie. If you have watched the mandatory episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians – you know that everything needs to be well lit. It’s fall and now is the time that you have to opportunity for a lot of great photos where you are not sweating like a hippo in heat.
5 – Pop Chart Music.
Don’t get me wrong – my music taste does travel outside of boybands, but in my basic mode – it’s all about One Direction. If I am leaning more towards the female empowerment side of me – I am blasting some Little Mix. Basically, if you aren’t on the Pop Charts – I really don’t care who you are. I may evolve from this thought process after the fall – but for now – I am rattling off all the words to This Town (if you don’t know what it is – check your basicness at the the door).
6 – Bravo Marathons
As a basic bitch – I have evolved past just the episodes of Real Housewives. I know that some Below Deck, Vanderpump Rules, and Ladies of London work just as well. And I am happy that I have them all. I obsess over the drama. Seriously – watch some Vanderpump Rules and you will feel a lot better about your life. I do.
7 – Live for the Kardashians
You may think you are insulting me when you tell me that I act like a Kardashian – but it’s the kindest thing that anyone can say. There is nothing wrong with them. They know how to hustle and they work hard for everything that they have. I can’t discount that. I admire the fact that they built an empire.
So call me a Kardashian. I live for it.
8 – Life Advice from Meredith Grey.
If One Tree Hill was still around – I would be watching that for life advice. I don’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy, but I google Meredith Grey gifs and there is an answer for every situation. Seriously.
9 – Live and Die by the Uniform
Leggings. Uggs. Oversized Sweaters. These are all I need in life. I want to look cute – but I am cutest and most comfortable in my basic uniform. I am not about the faux fur vests and I am getting used to plaid – but don’t screw with me and my uniform.
10 – Taylor Swift is the spirit animal of choice.
There is no problem that Taylor Swift can’t solve. Seriously – all answers are somewhere in her lyrics. When you look at it – Taylor has strength, courage, conviction. She is who we hope that we can be. She is the spirit animal of the basic bitchness. No regrets.