Well, we are finally back! The palace doors have opened and welcomed us back into the lives of this insanely amazing and dramatic royal family.
While hiatus seemed like a century, this episode picks up only 2 weeks after the very tense and shocking events that occurred in the season 2 finale. Viewers learned that information at the beginning of the episode when Eleanor and Liam were awkwardly interviewed on a late-night talk show.
Something else that was resolved pretty early on was the mystery of what was or wasn’t inside King Simon’s tomb. At the end of last season, Helena demanded to have that tomb opened so she could get a DNA test to prove that Liam is the man who should be ruling the country. Of course, Cyrus was a few steps ahead and had already burned Simon’s body and disposed of the ashes in the English Channel. Another person joins Simon’s ashes in the channel, but we will come back to that later.
If you were wondering if anything was happening between Eleanor and Jasper after that longing gaze from Eleanor and that heartfelt hand-holding, I have some answers for you. Eleanor and Jasper are moving slowly, and Jasper is doing his best to make amends. Eleanor ends up forgiving Jasper for everything and realizing maybe she should give him another chance. By the end of the episode, the lovely couple (I’m hoping that if I keep calling them that everything will work out.) is painting Eleanor’s room an awful green color. I’m going to miss that red paint; it gave the room character.
Oh, how could I forget about Huge Grant! Let me explain… Helena asked her lovely assistant and dominatrix queen Rachel if she has any leads on a new Lord Chamberlain and someone Helena can blow some steam off with. According to Queen Helena, she has not had sex in a very long time and that is not okay with her. Rachel promises to help her with both of those situations. And, boy, does she. Helena ends up sleeping with her new Lord Chamberlain aka Spencer Hoenigsberg and thinking that Huge Grant, the man that Rachel had originally sent to sleep with her, was the Lord Chamberlain. It was a huge mishap that left Spencer confused about how to address Helena and Rachel doing her best not to laugh at the whole thing.
Playing a small role in the season premiere but a large one in my heart, Mr. James Hill is back and better than ever. I love him the most. You do too, even if you don’t admit it. He plays matchmaker with Jasper and Eleanor throughout the episode, proving his point by showing Eleanor a security tape of Jasper celebrating having her forgiveness in the tunnels under the palace. Mr. Hill has also been offered the position of Head of Security. In his most Mr. Hill ways, he clears the air with Eleanor first – asking her opinion. She assures him that he has never let her down and says, “The way I see it, you wouldn’t be leaving me – you’d simply be looking after all of us, and I can’t think of anyone more qualified.”
Our dear Liam seems to be up to his ears in charity work and hidden bruises when we catch back up with him. When he isn’t eating bowls of cereal with the adorable, smart and witty Wilhelmina, he is beating up men much larger than him at some underground royal fight club. Okay, it’s not actually a royal fight club; I just think it sounds more fun that way. After the death of Ted Pryce, Liam is going through some things. As is Ophelia, who has gone AWOL after the events involving her father. Towards the end of the episode, Liam ends up in closed bar after one of his late-night brawls and is taken back to the house of a straggling bartender. She tries to fix him up, and the two have an odd conversation that proves they may be familiar with each other. I am an avid fan of this show, you all know this, but I am really confused about who this woman is. I think that question will be answered throughout the season. If you have any thoughts or theories, please leave them in the comments.
Other than pressuring Liam into a sugar coma, Wilhelmina is greeted by Helena at a London Underground station. Helena has caught on to Wilhelmina’s mission – the #KingLiam mission. That’s right, Wilhelmina was the one who spearheaded this whole movement. When asked by the Queen of England why she would do such a thing, Wilhelmina responded, “Because I believe in the message. I believe in Liam.” Helena is up to something and wants to meet with Wilhelmina to discuss this whole #KingLiam movement. I’m not sure what good can come from that. I do know that we will be coming back to that and Wilhelmina (Genevieve Gaunt) frequently throughout the season, because Genevieve Gaunt is a series regular this season!
Cyrus, like usual, is up to know good already. Besides using his body double to psych out Helena and burning his brother’s body, Cyrus also killed someone in the season premiere. Remember Jeffrey Stewart? Sadly, Jeffrey is no longer with us. To avoid the incriminating video Jeffrey has on the royal family from being released, Cyrus poisoned him in hopes of Jeffrey being the only one with the video, which I don’t see being true. Cyrus then disposed of Jeffrey in the English Channel and said, “Say hi to Simon, dick.” Oh, Cyrus. Also, Cryus’ cancer is still progressing and is causing him to lose hair, so a makeover ensued. It ended with Cyrus having a mohawk.
I couldn’t end this recap without telling you what’s going on with our lost prince. Prince Robert is still stranded on an island, eating sushi, and not trying to get help when he sees it. Yes, you read that last part right. There was a plane that Robert could have gotten the attention of if he had used his flare. Instead, he put out his fire and later scraped the HRH off of his helmet. It’s starting to sound like Robert may not want to be rescued off of this island. I mean, someone did try to kill him… Hopefully he is rescued soon though, because the beard he has right now is atrocious and needs to go.
A line that was repeated throughout the episode was “This place is weird.” I think that it’s about to get a lot weirder.
Some bits and bobs from this week’s episode of The Royals:
- Cyrus was rolling around the palace in a giant human hamster ball.
- Sia’s “I’m Alive” played as we saw Robert for this first time, and I may or may not have freaked out.
- Liam wore a cap and looked great.
- Eleanor is on the way to endorsing a makeup company that makes her favorite eyeliner. I’m not going to lie, I am disappointed that she didn’t endorse the “Umbrelleanors.”
- The episode premiered a new BANNERS song titled “Holy Ground.” It’s perfect. If you haven’t listened to it yet, what are you doing with your life?