The Royals 3×02 Recap: “Passing Through Nature to Eternity”

The princess had an unusual wake-up call at the beginning of this episode by the lovely Sara Alice. Sara Alice is the absolutely adorable daughter of Mr. James Hill that is visiting the palace during this episode. Eleanor ends up passing Sara Alice off to Jasper, and he carries her off by her overalls. I’m just glad that Jasper isn’t using one of those crazy child leashes/harnesses. Sara Alice later pins Jasper with the nickname Mr. Caterpillar. I’m obsessed with that and will only call Jasper Mr. Caterpillar now. Sara Alice is even willing to make jokes about the insanity that was Jasper’s girlfriend Sara from last season by saying, “He had a mean girlfriend named Sara. Now I’m his nice girlfriend.”

In another area of the palace, Helena is getting the royal morning treatment, green juice and all. Mr. Hoenigsberg is stepping up and doing his best to put his sexual endeavors with the queen behind him by giving her advice about which tea she should drink at an important meeting and letting her know that she would look good in the pink dress.

Cyrus ends up telling the people that he is dying of cancer on the same talk show that we saw Liam and Eleanor on last week. He wore an awful velvet purple outfit that I feel someone should have advised him to avoid. He mentions Violet as the only sane one in the palace and says, “Most of my family are treacherous assholes.” Um, Cyrus, you may want to take a look in the mirror because you are far from perfect.

Also, Helena still has her eyes peeled on getting a paternity test. Her team, including Spencer, Rachel and now James Hill, have a plan in place that plays out throughout the episode.  James visits Cyrus in his insanely monitored and secure room to ask Cyrus to come have his retinas scanned, because apparently that is a thing that royals have to do. While Cyrus is getting his retinas scanned (?), he sees a Violet look-alike, the love of his life from last season, and rushes off to find her. During all of that, Team Helena has found a Cyrus double to help them get into his room, however, he does have a few kinks. He may look like Cyrus, but when he opens his mouth it is evident that they aren’t the same person. Rachel lets the audience in on where they found the double by saying that he’s from a gay strip club where he does quite well. Out of pure vanity, Cyrus kept his testicle and that’s what Helena plans to use for the paternity test. Cyrus obviously notices that it is missing and declares another round of war against Helena.

Outside of the palace, Liam is still with that mystery girl from last week. We learn that her name is Kathryn and the last time they were together a picture was taken. All of that dramatically unfolds by the end of the episode.

Wilhelmina, or Willow, has been offered a job by the queen to help advance the message of Liam’s reign. She checks in with Liam later in the episode to see if she should take the job out of fear that it would ruin their friendship, but he ensures her that she’s just what the monarchy needs.

Eleanor and Jasper have a run-in in the library of the palace where they agree that they aren’t exclusive. It’s evident that this arrangement is killing both of them, which leads Eleanor to a way to make Jasper jealous so that he will admit that he wants her and only her. Eleanor goes to see her brother, notices the bruise on his face, helps him cover it up, and then convinces him to attend the Electric Carnival with her. The Electric Carnival scenes prove that Liam and Eleanor’s sensational dance moves make all of the other royal families jealous. We are introduced to an old friend of Liam and Eleanor’s named Charlie Madden. That’s about how far that went. Maybe we’ll see him again in the future. Eleanor ends up flirting and dancing with many guys though they keep disappearing. Jasper is obviously fuming with jealousy and let’s his Rambo side takeover, knocking out all of the guys seen with Eleanor.

We were also given one of my favorite Eleanor and Liam scenes of the entire show in this episode, and it was during the Electric Carnival. It’s just a wonderful scene where they are lifting each other up and assuring each other that they are good enough.

Then came the moment the internet blew up because of a huge Jaspeanor moment. They end up back in the library and Eleanor revisits a book we had previously seen her lingering by. She tells Jasper the story of another queen, Catherine of Valoios, and the bodyguard she fell in love with, Owen Tudor; they had a son named Jasper. They couldn’t be together for obvious reasons, but they would write sensational love letters to each other and put them in a hollowed out book – the book that Eleanor has shown great interest in throughout the episode. At the end of the episode Eleanor ends up finding a letter for herself in the book from Jasper. Honestly, I could not think of anything more romantic for these two to do than this letter exchange. It’s timeless and genuine and I love it. Eleanor also ends up stopping by her dad’s portrait to tell him that she’s doing better, and I immediately started sobbing.

Liam ends up taking a chance, following his heart, and putting himself first. He meets up with Kathryn and convinces her that they should be together. She pronounces some roadblocks; she mentions a large one, which we find out about during the last five minutes.

Throughout the episode we continue to check in with Robert. He imagines the questions he will be bombarded with upon his return, including ones from his sister about why he chose to stay on the island. We’re let in on how much time has passed since he’s been on the island; it has been 8 months. There is a blonde woman that keeps wandering around the island with a traingle tattoo on her back. She obviously means something to Robert, becuase he is constantly fumbling after her with dispair in his eyes. When her face is finally revealed, Loyals’ jaws hitting the floor around the world could have been heard. She’s Kathryn. The picture she mentioned earlier was one of her and Robert. The large roadblock to her moving forward with Liam was Robert! The triangle is on her back as she lays in bed with Liam. Liam is sleeping with his brother’s girl. Have Liam and Kathryn always longed for each other? What will Robert think? I guess we will find out, because Robert is finally coming home. Someone be at the ready to shave that beard, PLEASE.

Some bits and bobs from this week’s episode of The Royals

  1. James Hill laid the sarcasm down thick this week. It just made me like him even more.
  2. Liam wore his cap again.
  3. I love the fact that Eleanor slapped Liam after telling him to not get punched in the face. 
  4. Was the Amour(?) poster in Eleanor’s room a reference to the makeup endorsement?
  5. James Hill is the greatest person in the world is going to continue helping them until they can help themselves.
  6.  BONUS: James Lafferty directed this episode. I think he did a great job! 

A new episode of The Royals airs next Sunday at 10/9c on E! 

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