The Royals 3×07 Recap: “The Counterfeit Presentment of Two Brothers”

Liam’s worst nightmares are getting the better of him at the beginning of this episode: his brother beating him and getting the girl. Helena, on the other hand, is waking up in a much nicer way with Spencer by her side. The two of them have been sleeping together all week. It was interesting to see Spencer put himself together and leave the Queen’s room just reenter with the rest of her regular morning faculty.

Eleanor is struggling to find a perfect bodyguard after everything with Jasper fell apart. At the start of the episode, she had just fired a bodyguard because his cologne smelled like an airplane toilet. James is doing his best to be supportive during this time that he know is really hard for her. When Eleanor questions where Jasper is, James says that he just asked for some time away. Eleanor decides to throw herself into the preparing for the People’s Gala, which she designed, and the interview she has planned. Guess who’s interviewing her? Harper Day aka the sneaker journalist who was trying to get a story out of Jasper. Turns out, she’s not that great at her job, because the entire two minutes she talks to Eleanor she badgers Eleanor about her love life even after Eleanor avoids the topic. Eleanor dismisses her in a way that made me very proud; she just wanted to talk about her work.

The People’s Gala commences and Beck is in attendance. He will be the person in Robert’s corner during the boxing match. Helena interrupts his conversation with Robert to reprimand her son for not mingling with the woman she had invited specifically for him. She is focused on pairing her son up with a wonderful woman before the Privy Council meets to make Robert look even more perfect for the crown. The two make a deal that if Helena goes through with the auction where she gives away an hour of her time, then Robert will consider the official list of candidates for a potential wife.

Who will be in Liam’s corner? Remember Madden from a few episodes back? He was the friend who was really into Willow? He’s there for Liam and to be in his corner, but also to see Willow. Mostly to see Willow. Willow isn’t really interested though. Willow ends up getting a sort of promotion in this episode. Helena asks Willow to walk with her, like she always does, and tells Willow that she must compile a list of upper-level, aristocratic candidates for Robert. After dropping a ticket in Liam’s box for the auction, Willow approaches Robert to ask him a series of questions that she thinks will help narrow down the candidates. She gives him a Harry Potter sorting quiz and it’s absolutely perfect. They even skip over the question about being stranded on a deserted island. Robert is a unsurprisingly a Gryffindor. Robert inquires of Willow’s house and she says, “I’m a Ravenclaw. Obviously,” before walking off. The look that Robert gives Willow as she walks away has me rooting for these two to be more than just friendly acquaintances. I mean, they share another wonderfully adorable Harry Potter reference later in the episode as well. How can you not love them? Madden isn’t a big fan of how Robert and Willow appear to be flirting, but oh well.

A new, random attractive person is introduced this episode. There’s more to him than that, that’s just the first thing I thought when I saw him. He has some impressive eyelashes. He meets Eleanor by asking her to take a picture of him in the boxing ring that looks like she knocked him out. He then introduces himself as Sebastian. We later learn that Sebastian is a prince, Prince Sebastian Idrisi to be exact. Sebastian ends up winning Eleanor’s auction of playing a game of royal garden croquet. Their time together was off to an excellent start because neither of them actually knew how to play croquet, so they made up their own rules hat involved alcohol. Eleanor ends up spilling that she’s dealing with a break-up, and Sebastian compliments how well she is holding herself together and how amazing it is that she designed the whole Gala. Eleanor says something very telling: “Lifetime of showing the world only what they want to see.” Sebastian gives Eleanor some friendly advice that eventually this break-up will be in the past and that the world will keep on spinning.

Robert unveils Gratitude Forever in this episode. It’s the charity that Liam came up with but gets no credit for doing so. Robert thanks Eleanor for putting together the whole event seamlessly but doesn’t say one word about how the whole charity was Liam’s idea. Low-blow, Robert. He does bring Liam up on stage to talk a about their fight. The money from the bets will be going back to Gratitude Forever. Robert does this little mock fight thing, and Liam is overly jumpy. Needless to say that Liam has been a ball of nerves lately.

Now this wouldn’t be a complete Gala unless Kathryn came, so she did with her sister. Kathryn buys a ticket to when Robert’s auction, which she does. Robert planned it so that she would win the wine cellar tour with him. That way the press see the two of them meet and won’t be clamoring for a story. After it is announced that Kathryn won, Robert makes a very public display of affection by meeting Kathryn in the crowd, kissing her hand, complimenting her, and taking a photo with her. That’s progress. Kathryn learns that Robert had tasted a 1962 Bordeaux even though he had told her otherwise when they met. He only used that to get to know her better.

Who wins Cyrus’s story is a semi-long story. During a majority of the episode, we keep seeing these two very random people, a man named Charles Wescott and a woman named Cindy, wanting to gain Cyrus’ attention. The woman bumped into the man and proceeded to beg him to help her buy a ticket. They bought an auction ticket together in hopes that they could both spend time with Cyrus if they won. They win a bourbon tasting with Cyrus, except Cyrus has to leave early unexpectedly, leaving the man and the woman alone in Cyrus’ room for however long they like. Cindy tries to sleep with Charles, but he warns her that he’s in to some really weird stuff. And, boy, is he. Cyrus walks in on Charles dressed as a baby and Cindy spanking him with a shoe… Turns out that this was all a scheme set up by Cyrus and the prostitute he knighted a while ago, Cinnamon, for Cyrus to get an in on the Privy Council. Charles is the lead MP on the Privy Council Selecting Committee. Cyrus bribes him to look into MP’s that will favor Cyrus over Robert or Cyrus will tell everyone about Charles’ odd tastes.

Liam’s aunt Veruca and the rest of the Fair Ladies win the art viewing with Liam. Their names are Lady Elaine, Lady Marion, and Lady Jane. The women aren’t really interested in looking at any art. They, not including Veruca, are interested in hitting on Liam and gossiping. They even mention Liam’s old flame Gemma. Liam tells them that he wants to kick his brother’s ass.

Remember that bodyguard that Eleanor fired because of his cologne? He shows up to the Gala very angry about losing his job. He charges at Eleanor only to be slammed to the floor by Rosie. Rosie was one of the veterans that Liam met at the pub a while ago. She was my favorite, so I am very happy to see her return. All of this confuses poor James because Rosie isn’t on the staff and she shouldn’t have been able to take out that highly trained bodyguard, but she did. She says, “I saw a threat and took him down.” Liam swoops in to vouch for her character. To make Rosie even more wonderful and charming, Eleanor thanks her for the help and compliments her shoes at the end of the episode and Rosie reveals that her shoes are actually knockoffs and the bottoms are spray-painted.

Jack Parker is the lucky man that won the afternoon tea with Helena. She lets him know straight away that they are not on a date. Jack is an American investor. Apparently he wanted to meet the Queen because they both were born with great instincts. I don’t trust this guy, however, Helena seems to. Spencer goes to meet Helena at the end of the episode and is a little hurt to see her with Jack. Yeah, they have an agreement but that still sucks.

Back with Eleanor and Sebastian, Eleanor seems to be sharing a lot about herself with a guy she’s just met. He does share some information about himself: he’s 7th in line, he bought an island, he wants to make something that lives beyond “royalty.” He can see that Eleanor wants to change the world too. When Sebastian is saying his goodbyes to Eleanor at the end of the episode, he gives her his number in case she wants to talk or anything. He also tells her that someone may surprise her in the trust department. Wait, don’t trust Sebastian yet! He had a very questionable look on his face as he left the palace. What’s he up to?

Anyway, Eleanor tells James that she would like Rosie to be her new bodyguard because she’s better than everyone else and Eleanor likes her perfume. Eleanor puts her feelings out on the line again by saying, “Besides, we have to trust somebody sometime, right?” Of course James agrees and assures her that everything will be okay. It’s nice to see Eleanor putting her trust in Rosie. I don’t think she will let Eleanor down.

Now on to the main event: PRINCE V. PRINCE. Cyrus places his bet on Liam, promising to double his donation to Gratitude Forever if Liam wins. Robert seems to have this win in the bag as Liam lays on the floor of the ring, but then Liam remembers his dad’s note in the Christmas present; he remembers that his dad told him to always keep going. So Liam gets back up and takes Robert out while flashes of memories of Kathryn, Robert and Kathryn, and Robert calling Liam “Sparrow” play out in his head. Last time I checked this fight was about more than Kathryn. I guess not. Either way, Liam is the winner!

Or so he thought…

Liam runs into Kathryn after the match and she recognizes that Liam is the one who started the charity. That made Liam feel a little better about himself and then he saw his brother. Robert says, “We gave them a good show.” The fight was for charity; Cyrus doubled his donation to Gratitude Forever because Liam won. It was all set up. Liam didn’t actually beat Robert. That one moment that he thought he was finally better than his brother was ripped away from him in an instant. I will say that Robert seems to be getting pretty good at playing some weird mind games with his brother, intentional or not. Liam decides to try to take his brother on right then and there, but Robert keeps putting Liam down. Robert says he will continue to do so because he loves his brother. As my trust in Robert lowered, my appreciation of William Moseley and how incredibly talented he is was at an all-time high.

Liam catches Robert leaving the palace with Kathryn, making Liam feel even worse. Suddenly Cyrus is there looking into a mirror, seeing himself in Simon’s shadow. Who would’ve thought that Liam and Cyrus would be seeing eye to eye? Even though Cyrus tells Liam that the feeling he has will never get better and that he’s been there, Liam will not accept that he is anything like his Uncle. Liam storms off and ends up punching a mirror. Great, now he is going to have 7 more years of bad luck.

Some bits and bobs from this week’s episode of The Royals:

  1. The costumes on this show never fail to impress me. Eleanor’s shoes during that croquet scene were gorgeous! 
  2. Jasper and Sara Alice were missing this episode, so I demand that they’re screen time doubles next episode. 
  3. Genevieve Gaunt (Willow) was actually in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
  4. All of the shots outdoors were beautiful? Can the Henstridges go outside more?
  5. The little snippets from the UK News always make me laugh because they seem so real. I’m a fan.

A new episode of The Royals airs next Sunday at 10/9c on E!

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