Picking up directly from last week, the episode opens with the arrival of our Canadian friend Daniel. Which you know, is super convenient since Lacey was saying how much she wanted to meet him, and she was just about to head home.
Daniel has the most typical Canadian accent I’ve ever heard, it’s painful and it perpetuates every stereotype that I like to avoid. The girls are given a few moments to chat with Daniel before the rose ceremony starts. He says he’s bringing back the ‘great Canadian wolf” whatever that is supposed to mean.
He makes a joke about the girls left there being ‘leftover scraps’. So that’s obviously going to go over well…
It’s a little sad to see all the girls trying to get Daniel’s attention just to get a rose. You’re better than this, ladies! So much better.
It has been 10,000 years since we had one of these (honestly, at least 5 television hours, this season is weird).
Daniel is called first to give the first rose:
Daniel – Lacey
While waiting to hand out his rose, we get an interlude of Jasmine freaking out because Jack is the last person who could possibly give her a rose and she’s so pissed off at Matt for leaving her.
Jack picks Christen, Jasmine freaks out some more.
BUT WAIT. In walks Matt saying that he doesn’t want his rose to go to waste, and he wants to give it to someone who deserves to be there and find love. So he hands his rose over to one very, very unimpressed Jasmine. She basically grabs the rose from his hands as tries to explain why she should be there, and she’s the most passive aggressive person there ever was. It’s kinda great. But she says that after this he is ‘dead to her’.
Derek – Taylor
Robby – Amanda (the most reluctant rose of all time)
Diggy – Dominique
Adam – Will it be Raven or Sarah? It’s Raven. Sarah is shocked.
Dean – Another love triangle-er. I really hope he gives his rose to Kristina so we can all stop talking about “D Lo”. He says pre-choice that he’s not ready for the level of commitment that Kristina wants, but he picks her anyway. BYE D LO! I’m happy we won’t have to hear your name for a while!
Ben Z – Oh no. I forgot about Ben Z. In a shocking move, he picks D LO for his rose. WHY BEN WHY! Just go home and hang out with your puppy!
This means that we say goodbye to Alexis and Sarah. I’ll miss you Alexis, I hope you at least got to have some good drinks while you were there.
Kristina is pissed that Danielle (I henceforth refuse to call her D Lo) is staying.
Some random guys in masks show up and jokingly terrorize the guys and gals of Paradise early in the am. They’re some kind of Mexican wrestlers but since this is paradise no one even questions it. They come in and give a date card to Daniel.
Lacey says that now she feels that “nothing can go wrong”. These are obviously famous last words in these parts. She is quite unhappy when he says he’s not going to automatically give her the date card.
Daniel says he’s had about one date in the last 10 years. There’s reasons for that Daniel, many reasons.
He does end up picking Lacey for the date. They end up wearing some sparkly costumes and do some awkward wrestling. Honestly the best thing about it all is the cameo by Jorge, in the audience. The excitement that Lacey has for Daniel makes me want to take aside and just go “girl, no”.
Another late arrival shows up in Paradise – oh go no. It’s Jonathan the “Tickle Monster” from Rachel’s season. This guy is… I don’t even know. Chris Harrison asks him if girls think it’s creepy, the answer to that question, Chris, is a resounding YES. It’s creepy AF.
He arrives with a date card, so that’s obviously going to throw a wrench in some relationships.
Hold up, Tickle Monster is an actual doctor?! Who knew. I hope he’s a dermatologist or a podiatrist or something.
He quickly chats up Christen and asks her on a date. Who knew a Tickle Monster could be so attractive? So weird.
Dean quickly shows why he didn’t get picked to be the next Bachelor, based on his dealings with Kristina. He basically says that Kristina is into him way more than Danielle, but he thinks Danielle is super hot and wants to pursue something with her. Ugh. This is the most awful thing Dean has ever said. I can even get into the underlying problems of saying something like that does to any young girls watching this show.
Anyway, back to the Tickle Monster, he apparently used to be an OBGYN and now he just ‘takes care of newborn babies” – so a Paediatrician? I guess? They are served scallops on their date, oh Bachelor in Paradise, you don’t do anything subtly do you?
As soon they get back from the date, Jack Stone grabs Christen and starts making out with her. This is the season of love triangles, it seems.
Kristina straight up says that the night before her and Dean slept together, and now he’s in a pool, all over Danielle. This cements Dean’s status as a giant, giant douchebag.
Like last week, the episode is interrupted with about 30 minutes left for an interlude with Chris Harrison as he talks to some random cast members, including Corrine.
Corrine will be up later, but first we get to chat with Wells, Raven, Alexis and Amanda.
It’s not a very interesting interview, the key points are as follows:
- No one knew that Wells had kissed Danielle until it aired.
- Robby dated one of Amanda’s friends and he “kinda hurt her”. Robby is filled with red flags, stay away, Amanda!
- Jasmine and Matt have an awkward encounter on the stage where the air their problems and why things went wrong. Matt beats around the bush and basically implies that he just couldn’t see them working out in the long run.
Corinne says on the day of the shutdown, she drank too much and was on some medication, which she did not realize she could not drink while taking. There is never any talk about what type of medication she is on, and that shouldn’t really matter.
Corinne also says there was no hard feelings toward her and Demario, and she does not feel like he did anything wrong. She thinks it was just an ‘unfortunate and annoying’ situation.
They also address the mess that was made of the situation in the media, and how it was very rough for both her and Demario.
That’s basically the gist of the situation. Whatever went down, whatever is right and whatever is wrong about it all, I wish the best for Corinne. If she is on medications, I hope she gets everything straightened out. You never want one of these shows to impact someone’s health – whether physically or mentally.
Onward to the next week…