Bachelor in Paradise Episode 9 – The Finale

I just want to go home and drink my margaritas in peace.

This is a case of ‘better late than never’ (I hope) because this season of Bachelor in Paradise has been so lacklustre that I am just now getting around to watching the finale. It has been downright boring at times.  Also, it doesn’t help that the next season of the Bachelor is going to be just as bad, if not worse.

Chris Harrison comes in to tell them that it’s been a ‘great summer’ but this will be their last day in Paradise. Really Chris? Really? We all know you’re just waiting to get back home, make a margarita and sit back until January rolls around. Well, sooner actually, he’s probably filming the new Bachelor season as we type/read.

He invites anyone who feels like they’re in a good relationship to stay and hang out, have a last date and they can nab themselves a ‘fantasy suite’. Does anyone else picture some kind of overly themed room when they say that? Like, here’s a room with a full pirate theme or something like that.

Since Daniel loves nothing but its abs, this will not end well.

Lacey tells the camera that she’s “in love with Daniel”. Seeing as how Daniel is only in love with himself, this is a very unfortunate situation.

Jack Stone tries to convince Christen to leave now ‘as a couple to see what happens’. Christen is not down with this – she says they’re only acquaintances now, which is extremely true. They’ve probably had about five conversations. She is not opposed to getting to know him outside of the show, but that’s about it.  Jack Stone gets into a car and leaves, while Christen strips off her clothes (as you do) runs into the ocean and says “Scallop Fingers, out”. That’s the end of that non-love story.

Tickle Monster and Jasmine agree to part ways and leave as friends.

Raven, however, is a little more unsure on her relationship with Adam (WHERE IS ADAM JR?!), which Adam is all in. Despite some hesitance, Raven agrees that they should continue on for a little while, have their last date, and hang out in the fantasy suite.

Next up is Dean and Danielle, and if I never hear “D. Lo” in my life again, it’ll still be too soon. Dean tells Danielle that he thinks he still loves Kristina and that he needs to see what’s happening there, and they have to leave separately. You can tell that Danielle did NOT see that coming, and in some of my native slang, she is full-on ‘rotted’ (please see definition #2). That’s another relationship which bites the dust!

Diggy and Dominique have a chat on the beach – Dominique wants to pursue something further, but Diggy thinks they should part as friends. This is mostly because he wants to pursue something further with Jaimi, whom he actually wants to leave Paradise with, despite just meeting her. Jaimi disagrees, thinking they should just leave as friends.

During Amanda’s talk with Robby, she starts to cry because she doesn’t want the same thing to happen as did last year. She tells him, she doesn’t see it working in the long run with them, and Robby is quite taken aback. Good move, Amanda, especially even more so given what we know now about this whole situation.


Too much Adam, not enough Jr.

The only three couples who have decided to stay are Derek and Taylor, Raven and Adam, Lacey and Daniel. I think we can all tell where at least one of these couples is going to go (that being, nowhere).

Daniel gives as much as heartfelt speech as he’s able and tells Lacey that he’s starting to fall in love with her. He asks if they’re committed enough to ‘change their Facebook status’ and they roundabout say that they should be in a relationship. It’s all weird and awkward and very Daniel. However, Lacey does the famous last words of ‘nothing could go wrong’ so that probably means everything will go wrong.

Derek and Taylor are happy and boring, and I’m just going to snooze through this part.

Raven and Adam chat, and Raven says that she’s a little afraid of being vulnerable at the fantasy suite, and she’s not really sure what to do. We’re left hanging as the show cuts before Raven makes her final choice and goes straight into the after finale live show.


Well, this is awkward.

First out pops Corinne, because they’ve got to take this ‘storyline’ and run with it until there is absolutely nothing left to say. Then they bring out Demario so they can chat. It’s kind of awkward just because of the situation the show has them put in, more than anything. Both of them say they wished they could have talked more and said more about the ‘situation’ that occurred. Demario says that he’s in therapy to try and work through some of his issues stemming from being on the show (and beyond). Corinne is also in therapy. They’re both just trying to get ‘back to normal’.

Christen and Jasmine get into a small fight on the stage, all relating to the scallop fingers story, and you can tell Christen did not enjoy being the punch line of that story at all.

Regrets, I have a few.

We get into the Dean love triangle and he (as Chris says) looks like the ‘most uncomfortable human being in the world’. Dean is brought down to the hot seat and says he regrets everything that happened, you can tell from the shots over to Kristina, that she doesn’t buy what he’s saying. Kristina says to him that she hopes that whoever his next relationship is, that he never treats them like he treated her.

HOWEVER Danielle interjects and says that after Paradise her and Dean actually spent some time together and dated for a bit. The audience actually gasps when that bit of information is revealed. He’s got himself in a bad situation here that he brought on himself. Time to hightail your way out of the Bachelor franchise, Dean.

Amanda then comes out on the screen, she says she had some regrets after Paradise and her and Robby decided to give things a go. However, that didn’t last very long. According to the twins, he was cheating on Amanda when he said he was Amanda’s boyfriend. They then bring Robby out, which is another extremely awkward segment. The twins call him out and say that when in Colorado, Amanda was sent a photo that made it seem like Robby was making out with a girl. He says it was all a misunderstanding, but really, I’m on #teamtwins on this issue.

Due to the fact that my Bachelor patience is running very thin at this point, I’m going to recap the rest of the episode rather quickly:

Lacey/Daniel – Lacey says Daniel basically admitted in the fantasy suite that he didn’t mean what he said when he stated he was falling in love with her. Needless to say, they are no longer together.

Raven/Adam – They are still together, they’re seeing each other outside the show, they’ve travelled together and they seem to be doing well.

Taylor/Derek – Continuing the tradition of Bachelor in Paradise of years past, Derek and Taylor get engaged – just on the live show and not on the actual Paradise. Will they be the next Tanner/Jade or Carly/Evan? I guess we shall see.

So brings another season of Bachelor in Paradise to a close. If I have to never hear about D. Lo or scallops again, I will be a happy happy girl.

You can catch me again (possibly) when the Bachelor Canada airs in October or back in January (for sure) then the next season of the Bachelor starts again.

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