Hello! With Bachelor in Paradise not long over, you may not have expected to see me back this soon. However, I could not resist sharing with you the Bachelor of my homeland – so if I’m going to suffer through a full season of The Bachelor Canada, I figured I might as well bring you all along for the ride.
Who is the Bachelor, you may ask? Meet Chris Leroux, a 33 year old former baseball pitcher from Mississauga, Ontario (aka basically the ‘burbs of Toronto) who’s now looking to settle down and find someone to share his life with. On national television, as you do.
Getting us started is Noah Cappe, who is the Canadian version of Chris Harrison, who so strongly tries to emulate Chris that I get secondhand embarrassment for him.
We get an intro montage of Chris doing all the things that he loves doing – which apparently includes running shirtless on beaches, playing baseball and buying a new house? The relator bit is odd, but I guess it’s supposed to show us that he’s serious about commitment. So I guess whoever he ends up with better love living in Toronto (or nearby).
My favourite thing about Chris so far is his lack of stereotypical Canadian accent, no eh’s have been produced thus far and let’s hope it stays that way.
Two faces familiar to the Bachelor USA franchise show up to offer Chris some advice – Kaitlyn and Shawn, who appeared on the Bachelorette in 2015 and who are surprisingly still together. Kaitlyn tells him that he has to go into it knowing that everything is for his happiness and he has to trust himself in the process. Given that her relationship seems to have worked out, her advice might be somewhat worthy. Just don’t accidentally give away who you pick via Snapchat, like Kaitlyn did, Chris.
MEET (SOME OF) THE BACHELORETTES
Catie (29) Lawyer/Meditation Coach, Toronto, ON – She seems well put together and well spoken.
Meghan (24) Waitress, Deer Lake, NL – Meghan is from my home province. She’s extremely enthusiastic and is sporting an accent that I can’t quite place.
Shanti (31) Real Estate Agent, Winnipeg, MB – She is a former model who appears well dressed and well spoken. Her intro shows her working out, very hardcore.
Dee (32) Spray Tan Business Owner, Kitchener, ON – She describes her personality as “princess tomboy”. Despite that terrible description, she seems pretty decent, she has a 5 year old daughter.
Lisa (24) Graphic Designer/Mermaid, St. Catherine’s, ON – Yes you read that right, she is a part time ‘mermaid’ meaning that she dresses in full tail and swims about. It actually seems kind of fun. She is also obsessed with squirrels…
Brittany M (27) Humanitarian/Pageant Queen, Calgary, AB – She is a former Miss Calgary and I am trying very hard not to judge her instantly.
Those are all of the taped intros that we get, so I guess, in true Bachelor USA style, we’re led to believe that one or more of these girls makes it far in the show.
Chris states that it’s also his birthday tonight, so this should be one memorable birthday for him, no matter what ends up happening this season.
1st – Lindsay (23) Publicist, Vancouver, BC – Nothing of note happens with her arrival.
2nd – Catie – Serves him paperwork in true lawyer style that’s pretty lame.
3rd – Priscilla (32) Performer, Vancouver, BC – She does not state what kind of performer she is.
4th – Shanti – I have nothing interesting to note here.
5th – Meghan – OH GOD NO. She brings him the tools to “Screech him in” which is a local tradition that I am not fond of that involved drinking a rum called Screech, wearing a yellow fisherman’s hat called a “Sou’Wester” and kissing a cod fish (which she definitely does not have, whatever she has is not a cod). YUP. I can’t believe she chose the most stereotypical NL thing EVER to do here.
6th -Kait (29) Luxury Travel Nomad (??), Victoria, BC – She shows up in a kimono because she came from Japan to meet him. She quickly strips off the kimono revealing a red dress underneath. I still don’t know what her job title means.
7th – Madelaine (33) Medical Secretary, North Bay, ON – She gets like 2 seconds of intro, she won’t last long.
8th – Chelsea (26) Psychiatric Nurse, Lethbridge, ON – Also gets a very short intro.
9th – Brittany W (29) Business Owner, Surrey, BC – Takes off her garter and gives to him as a good luck charm.
10th – Lara (27) Automotive Financial Manager, Baltimore, ON – All we see is a hug, she’ll be gone later tonight.
11th – April (35) Business Analyst, Vancouver, BC – They’re skipping through these girls very quickly, which cannot be a good sign for any of them.
12th – Mikaela (27) Fashion PR, Winnipeg, MB – She operates a fashion blog and she likes long hugs. She brings him matching promise rings, She promises to ‘keep her hearts open to love’ and she makes him promise to ‘talk to her first at the party’ (which he does).
In a quick interlude, Shanti says she’s not ‘not here for every girl to like her’. I see they are already setting her up to be a villain.
13th – Stacy (25), Restaurant Manager, Victoria, BC (Seems nearly all the girls are from BC this season) – She seems nice enough, nothing really good or bad to say.
14th – Dee – She shows up on her dirt bike while wearing a tutu, that’s one way to make an entrance at least. The other girls are so condescending to her when she arrives that I kinda hope she makes it far.
15th – Ashley (31) Nurse, Sooke, BC – Again with the 1 second intro.
16th – Shaleen (27) Aspiring Model/Actress, Toronto, ON – She literally says her name and that is all.
17th – Stephanie (27) Executive Assistant, Dublin, Ireland – She’s Irish, that is her interesting characteristic.
18th – Jessie (25) Youth Care Practitioner, Emo, ON – She brings him a fishing lure because ‘dating is a lot like fishing’.
19th – Brittany M – She gets out of the limo stating she has ‘been called an alpha female’ and I audibly groan. She brings him a crown because he’s a ‘prince charming’. He says it may not fit because he has a big head. Hey Chris, are you MY soul mate?!
20th – Lisa – The mermaid shows up in a mermaid outfit that she can barely walk in. When she enters the house, she goes straight to the bar, I respect that.
Chris Harrison 2.0 shows up and tells us that’s it for our arrivals! Now it’s time for Chris (bachelor, non-Harrison) to chat with them all.
In his chat with Mikaela, Chris says that he has an instant connection with her, so she’s probably not going home tonight.
Shanti states that there’s girls there who are definitely ‘intimidated by her lifestyle, her looks, her career’. In other words she is very humble. VERY.
There’s some clips of him having random conversation with the girls, nothing too much of note happens. I actually hate the first couple of episodes because there’s so many people that it’s difficult to both follow and recap everything. So let’s get through this episode together, so we can get to the real juicy stuff!
A giant cake shows up, and someone screams ‘omg is a stripper going to pop out?!” It’s not a stripper, it’s Priscilla, who I don’t believe gets the reaction that she wants as she jumps out and starts singing happy birthday. It’s all very awkward.
He has a good chat with Dee, who doesn’t tell him just get that she has a daughter, because she doesn’t feel like it’s the right time yet. I like her already, she seems fun and also very genuine.
Shanti wants him to come to her for a chat, and not the other way around. Clearly she has never seen an episode of this show (American or Canadian) before.
Out pops the first impression rose, which causes Shanti to storm out and say that she wants to go home. She wins the award as ‘first crier of the season’ as she goes to the bathroom and sheds a few tears. She basically gets what she wants, when Chris shows up to diffuse whatever is going on. Ugh.
“Alpha” Brittany M goes in for a second chat with Chris, before some girls have even had a first chat, so that’s not going to go over well with the other girls.
Chris takes the first impression rose and gives it to Dee. Which shocks Mikaela, who thought she was going to get it. Good move Chris, I approve this choice. Though I find him calling her ‘a sweetheart’ a wee bit condescending.
There are 14 roses remaining, so only five girls go home on the first night. The call order goes:
April (who I don’t think has spoken yet)
Brittany M (Alpha)
Final rose – Meghan
Alright Meghan, I was legitimately about to be sad if she was going to go home on the first night, so that means I’m going to have to give her the benefit of the doubt. DO OUR HOME PROUD MEGHAN! COME ON GIRL.
That’s it. That’s the first episode in the books. Right off the bat they’re making their way to Costa Rica, so that’ll start next week’s adventures.
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