The Bachelor Canada – Episodes 5 & 6: Waterworks and Fireworks

Tank tops? I have a few.

This may be the Bachelor Canada, but our crew is still in the Dominican Republic. Chris starts the show wearing one of his now ‘classic’ tank tops, only this time it’s grey instead of purple. I get that the weather is warm in the Dominican Republic, but I feel like he found one tank top that he thought looked good, and then bought the same one in every colour available. You do you, Chris.

The girls state that “less drama, more fun” is the theme of the week. We shall see how that goes, but it probably won’t be well.


Hopefully the pilot got paid extra for this day of sky transport.

Chris Harrison 2.0 briefly pops his head in to drop off a date card. The card says that the lucky recipient can expect the “date of a lifetime”. After much anticipation, it is revealed that the date is going to Brittany, ugh.

He shows up to the date wearing the t-shirt version of his favourite purple tank top and of course this magical date is going to feature SKY TRANSPORT. You know this show cannot go two consecutive episodes without featuring some kind of helicopter/plane/blimp/rocket/whatever.

This particular helicopter is so small that is seems like there is barely enough room for Chris and Brittany, plus the pilot, plus (presumably) the camera person. I do hope that poor pilot got paid a little extra that day for having to deal with Brittany go on a rant about how she’s into “physical touch”.

Back at the homestead, the other girls find out that Brittany wrote a note to Chris and passed it to him during a group date, and they are NOT PLEASED. However, they are quickly distracted when another date card shows up, which will feature Meghan, Jessie and Kait.

Back to the date of bore, nothing of note is happening. They’re drinking wine, they’re talking, that is really about all that happens.


Lukey’s boat is painted green (a local song).

The group shows up to a marina and they quickly find out that they are going deep sea fishing. Chris says that he thought this would be a good date for this group because Jessie’s family owns a fishing business and Meghan is “from Newfoundland”. UGH. Let me describe for a second – the home province of myself and Meghan is indeed seafaring, for years the main industry was fishing, but that was a generation ago. I have never stepped foot on a fishing boat, many of my friends have never stepped foot on one. Unless you count ferries and a scattered paddle boat, my “water” experience is very limited. I mean, it’s just an innocent comment from Chris, but I felt the need to explain, and stick up for what quickly happens with Meghan.

Meghan, very quickly discovers the sea is not for her, as she gets some pretty intense sea sickness. She is having a terrible time and Jessie comes to chat her up and help her calm down. All the while Kait takes the time to have a chat with Chris.

The animosity between Kait and Meghan lasts the whole date, as when Jessie has some one-on-one time with Chris later in the date, it quickly becomes extremely awkward between the duo. They do not have much in common, methinks. Kait thinks she’s jealous of her “range of experience” whatever that means.

Chris tells Meghan that he thinks she has a big heart and that he loves being around her. She appreciates the gesture, but is pretty awkward in her response to him. However, this chat is enough for him to give her the date rose, which is a shock to both Meghan and Kait.


A genuinely nice moment.

The second date involves baseball. This makes sense, since you know, that was his profession for years. Also he apparently used to play in the Dominican Republic in the offseason, so I guess that’s how this whole location came to be. That, or they got some sponsorship money from a resort, but you be the judge of that.

They play a game with some local kids, and you can tell they are kind of like ‘who is this guy and why are there cameras here?’ They all play some ball, some girls are better than others, there are no angels in the outfield, however (but it is a good movie, you should watch it). At the end of the game, they have a full truckload of baseball equipment to give the kids, which is a genuinely kind gesture that you can tell the kids really appreciate.

Chris decides the Lyndsey is the MVP of the game, and therefore will be getting some one-on-one time for the remainder to the date. 

The duo pop open some Two Oceans and have a few minutes of deep chat. Lyndsey is clearly annoyed that he keeps bringing up her age. He really needs to make a decision on this once and for all. Also, a lot of the other girls are only a year or two older than her, so if he’s cool with them, he should be cool with her as well.

For a split second, it seems like he may be sending her home, but he says he likes her too much to do that. Could Lyndsey be our frontrunner? It’s probably her and/or Mikaela at this point.


I literally have 30 seconds of work per episode.

As soon as the cocktail party gets underway, Catie pulls Chris aside for a chat. It is showering rain in the background as this is happening and I can’t help but commend all the girls for their lack of humidity hair. They must not have naturally curly hair because I would be an absolute disaster.

Lisa says that she’s ‘super nervous’ tonight. She probably should be. I would bet that either her or Stacy (or both?) may be heading home tonight.

Brittany goes in for a chat, which does not go over well with the other girls, because she already has a rose and a lot of the others haven’t even had a chance to chat with him yet.

Brittany, Meghan and Lyndsey already have roses this week, and there are five on the table, so even my horrible math skills tell me that we’ll have eight girls left at the end of this ceremony.

Order of call:


S’long Lisa, we’ll miss your… mermaid tail? In her exit interview she says she’s looking forward to getting home to her squirrels and hopes they still love her. I wish we had learned more about this during the season!


The faces you make when you know a date is going to be awkward AF.

We start the next episode and a censor screen pops up warning of ‘frightening scenes’. What could be more scary than a bunch of women, often drunk, fighting over the same man? Not much, I’d say.

Directly afterward, Brittany tells the camera that she needs to ‘focus on me so that she gets out of here alive’. Is a Bachelor bloodbath about to occur? Is that what the censor was warning us about? I guess we’re going to have to watch and find out!

Meghan goes on a rant about the fact that apparently the night before, with no cameras rolling (shady) that Brittany tore into her and told her that she’s simple and that no one, including Chris, likes her. She tells the other girls this, and it is pretty clear they are #TeamMeghan on this issue.

The first date card quickly makes its pulp-and-paper appearance and Jessie, Stacy, Meghan and Brittany are going be going on this date. So that’s not going to be awkward at all.


When you hate your life but you’re giving it your all.

The girls are going to learn how to do some “Dominican style dancing”. Which is apparently all about fun and confidence. Once they learn some skills, they are going to perform in front of a live audience.

They get some lessons, and it is clear that none of the girls are particularly skilled dancers. But I mean, I would never do this, I would die of embarrassment, so good on them for giving it a try at least.

Meghan is feeling off, due to her confrontation with Brittany, but she doesn’t tell Chris right away because she doesn’t want to ruin her time with him.

So, while they get ready for the dance, all the girls are in sensible footwear (mostly sandals and what not) and Brittany suddenly takes a pair of high heels out of her purse? Do most ladies carry high heels in their purse and this was a trend I was not aware of? Like “oh hey, going out to meet a friend for a casual lunch, time to toss my keys, wallet, lip balm, eye drops and high heels right into my purse’.

The performance goes about as well as you would expect, some of the girls are better than others, Meghan is clearly the most awkward of all.

Later on in the evening, they all meet up at a bar where they are not drinking any local fare, I’m not even going to tell you what they’re drinking, you know it by now.

There’s all kinds of tension when Chris leaves for his one on one time with each girl. Meghan initially doesn’t say how she feels, but eventually can’t take it anymore and goes off on Brittany. Brittany attempts (very badly) to defend herself and then Jessie pops in to defend Meghan.

I mean, it’s a bit of drama but in terms of other Bachelor/ette series, it’s pretty tame. But is is enough for Brittany to storm off ‘stage’ and say that ‘she’s done and she doesn’t care anymore’. Chris tries to calm the situation, but the other girls tell him that Brittany seems like she’s more in it for the ‘game’ than for him.

Brittany then goes to “Michael” (a producer, I presume) and says that she wants to go home. He tries to convince her to sleep on it, but she’s having none of it and wants to leave now. She says she wants to ‘leave like a queen’. So apparently that small confrontation was enough to send her home? Alrighty then. It seems to easy, maybe she’s going to pop back later and THAT is the frightening scene we’ve been so warned that’s going to take place?



When Chris and Mikaela meet up, he says he just wants to have a ‘fun and normal day’ with her. I guess as fun and normal as it can be with a full production crew following you around? He tells her they’re going to smoke cigars and drink rum, which sounds like my kind of a day!

They do some making out, Chris really seems to like her… the end? Everything is kind of dull on these last few one on ones.

The two have a sunset ‘dinner’ – but we all know no eating will be happening. They’ll just be sipping on gin and juice, JK it’s wine.

Chris tells Mikaela he can picture her ‘walking down Queen street” with him back home and he gives her the rose. They later make out some more as some good fireworks are happening in the background. I get that it makes for a nice looking shot, but could they not admire the fireworks BEFORE the kissing? They’re letting perfectly good fireworks go to waste!


Not the first time this season they’ve been on an odd date.

The team is meeting at a spa and resort which definitely did NOT give them anything in exchange for promotion.

This is going to be a strange date because they are practicing the ‘art of seduction’. Meaning they are taking different items, thought to be aphrodisiacs, and presenting them to Chris, to see if it gets him going? I guess. The whole thing is weird.

Catie tells him that she ‘likes to live her life with a sense of sensuality’, whatever that means. Each of the girls then proceed to seduce him with various fruits and chocolates and what have you.

That’s really all the date involves, at the end of it, he gives the rose to Kait.


The final countdown.

Meghan apologizes for the drama with Brittany and Chris says there’s been a ‘lot of distractions’ between the two of them. He’s also a bit annoyed that she brings up Brittany again and doesn’t concentrate on them during their time together.

Catie instantly starts making out with him, and Chris wonders if she can ‘dial down the intensity and relax’. I have my doubts on that. Her and Kait share equal levels of intensity, just in slightly different ways.

Noah (Chris Harrison 2.0 to you) pops in to say hi. Well, really he pops in to say that the rose ceremony is about to begin. He’s really showed a lot less in this series than his counterpart in the American version. I often forget that he exists. Poor Noah.

There are four roses on the table, so with Mikaela and Kait ‘safe’ it looks like one more girl will be headed back to the tundra (lol that’s a stereotype… mostly… except in the real tundra) of Canada. 

In order of call out:
Stacy (I don’t know how she keeps making it, I barely know anything about her)

Final rose – Catie

My fellow accent sporting, island living gal Meghan is getting sent back home, where she can not get sea sick on the boats that she doesn’t ride. Go forth Meghan, and have a deadly life, eh b’y (spoken in local lang).

Stay tuned next week when our final six are being dramatically cut down to the final three, all in one episode! (Is that the frightening scene that we’ve been waiting for?)

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