Its been four long weeks since we’ve last seen Riverdale. Too long since we’ve seen the over top shenanigans our well dressed and angsty teens have been up to. Well, they’ve been up to…not that much, other than really poor decisions.
Veronica Really Wants to Get in With Her Parents
Veronica is desperate to join her parents in their latest sketchy endeavor, ever since they orchestrated Nick St. Clair’s “accident.” Their latest plan to take over Riverdale is to close down South Side High, so they can snatch up the land for nefarious purposes. What those are? I’m sure we’ll find out in two years. To ease the transition of the South Siders joining the North Side at Riverdale High, she takes on the roll of welcome wagon. Why nobody can see she’s up to no good by being too welcoming is beyond me, but hey there are other things to worry about. Like the Southside Serpents who aren’t transitioning to their new environment because they lack Riverdale High official gear. Not to worry Queen V to the rescue! Thanks to a nice donation from the Lodges, she gives them a quick makeover to turn them from biker chic to school spirit blobs devoid of personality.
Never Employ Archie to be Your Spy
Dear Archie this week has his own problems to worry about, and by that I mean, Veronica and the Lodges’. Hey that’s not a bad band name. A FBI Agent approaches Archie and questions him about Nick St. Clair’s accident. For some reason he needs Archie’s help to get to the bottom of it, despite Archie not knowing anything about Nick other than he tried to rape Cheryl. Its fishy an FBI Agent would need a teen’s help to solve a case, and I’m not sure why Archie doesn’t see that. Why the agent also gives Archie credit for nabbing the Black Hood is also incredibly perplexing. Are FBI agents really bad at their jobs now? Has Quantico been lying to me this entire time?? Archie goes on to be the worst spy ever by going straight to Nick’s boarding school, riling him up a bit as revenge for Veronica, and getting no new information on the Lodges. Back to square one. Also he tells FBI Man that he doesn’t think he caught the real Black Hood. No duh Archie. No Duh.
Jughead vs. Conformity
Jughead and his South Side brethren are transferred to Riverdale High and its goes as terribly as you would imagine. While the Serpents are thrilled to be joining the likes of Riverdale High (yay! Great facilities! No Drug Kingpins as teachers!), Riverdale High isn’t so welcoming. Jughead being his new Serpent in Charge Self, and probably high off of cutting off Penny Peabody’s serpent tattoo, stands up for his fellow snakes and refuses to take off his jacket or shed his gang ways. What happened to Jughead “I’m Weird” Jones? Just because he’s got a new posse, he’s all about being confrontational. Why haven’t we seen him interact with Archie? I need the bromance to stay alive! Jughead solves his problem awfully quick by creating a club dubbed “Swords and Serpents,” and I can’t help wonder why nobody hasn’t mocked them yet. Sure the name is spot on since they are Serpents and they will eventually get retribution for being forced to wear clothing with the Riverdale High logo on it, but come on, be less obvious.
Betty v. Brother
After discovering Polly had her twins without alerting her or her mother, Betty goes on a mission to find her long-lost brother. Because distraction always works when you’re trying to avoid your real problems. Like how you kissed your best friend or maybe helped the sheriff kill an innocent man. None of these issues are addressed, but dammit Betty I want answers. Against the wishes of Hal Cooper (not good to have you back Hal), Alice and Betty find Charles aka Chic aka Young Dave Franco, and discover he doesn’t want to be found. He tracked them down years ago, and after realizing they didn’t miss him, moved on to sketchier pastures. Betty goes by his place again, only to discover him getting beat up by his landlord and saves the day with her hairspray. She brings him home for the Coopers to patch up and they lived happily ever after. JK, because this is Riverdale, Chic has deep seeded feelings of hatred towards his sister who got to live the normal happy life he never got to experience. Chic is a nice addition to the Riverdale universe, but ending on a scene where he watches Betty sleep creepily is just on-the-nose boring and predictable. I understand he’s jealous of her, but can you at least do it through some manipulation or something thrilling?
- Josie and the Pussycats are no more. Josie is just…Josie. RIP Cat Ears and sexy covers of “I Feel Love”
- Cheryl’s mom is officially a sex worker now, and she’s loving it. Just because the Blossoms have the St. Clair’s hush money does not mean she’s gonna stop. You go Penelope, you do you girl.
- F.P. Jones sure can rock a Pop’s uniform and leather jacket.
I’m excited for what the reason of the season holds. Will Chic Cooper and Betty somehow become BFFs? Will Cheryl stop her mom from having the time of her life? Will we ever find out who the Real Black Hood is???
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on the CW.