‘The Royals’ 4×02: Robbie Is Bat Sh*t Cray Cray

Everything has a way of working itself out in the end.

At least that’s what they say, right? This weeks episode of The Royals has us wondering if there is such a thing as justice or if the bad people always win. There seems to be no justice and if the only thing in the world that will happen is that Robert is always going to get away with being an asshole.

Cause he’s the worlds biggest asshole.

When we ended last weeks episode, we knew that Jasper had been shot and that Eleanor was back in London. It was like you know that your ship is about to set sail, and then they are like, well you suck and you just got lied to.

But a few minutes in and I was like nope, I am going to get my ship. I am going to get exactly what I need. No one said that the road would be easy, but the truth is – if it’s a good ship, it’s worth the pain and the heart ache that it takes to get there.

I can be down for the slow burn and when it comes to Eleanor and Jasper, I am in it for the long haul. I will wade the tide. I will accept whatever happens, I will wade the tide, I will survive the hurricane.

Lets break down the good, the emotional, and the douche baggers that is Robert.

Cause can he go?


It’s hard falling in love and it’s even harder when love can be the one thing that destroys you. I mean, lets be real, in reality, it always can. But it’s how you let love take control of your heart and Eleanor has fought that from the very beginning. She’s strong and independent and she’s fierce, but for her, falling in love has meant vulnerability and she’s not seen that as a sterngth. She’s seen that as a weakness.

But she’s never seen the beauty in the vulnerability, until she’s been forced to see that love can save her, strengthen her, and not be a bad thing. That is until Jasper is shot and she knows that she may loose him before she has a chance to tell him just what he does for her.

But as she sits and watches his surgery she’s realizing that her heart exists outside her body. It’s in the man that is laying on the table. The man that has taken her heart. 

She watches him and wonders how to save him. How to make the words be ingrained in his soul. She talks to her Mom, who tries to convince her to come back to the palace. She won’t leave Jasper though – she’s done that and it didn’t end well. And for once her Mom understands.

But when Robert shows up she calls his ass out. She calls him out for telling Jasper to stay away from her. Robert of course denies that he said that. He just wanted her to “have space.” I call bullshit on this stuff. I mean the thing I am not understanding is his fascination with trying to control his sister.

The weird fascination freaks me the fuck out.

When Jasper is out of surgery, Eleanor goes to be with him. She goes to make sure that he knows that she is there. But she runs to make sure Sarah Alice is okay. She’s worried and we all know that she loves Jasper. We all know that Sarah Alice has a fascination with their love story.

I find that Eleanor is amazing, because as she needs her escape, she makes sure that she makes other people feel better. Her heart is always wanting to make the best of the world and even with her hard ass exterior, I have so much respect for the fact that she’s grown into her own.

She’s with Sarah Alice when she’s told that she should return to the hospital and my heart stopped a bit.

Will Jasper be okay? As she runs to the hospital, she runs into Robert and tells him that she’s going to be great and choose love. Just like her father would have wanted.

Yes he will be and my heart will be okay. The two of them have found each other and that their hearts will be able to breathe in the presence of each other and in life.


The truth will set you free, right? The world wanted to know about Roberts bodyguard and how he was. Was he hurt? Who was he?

Well the palace has to come up with an explanation and they do. He’s an American operative, deep under cover. Ummmm…. why we always gotta resort to the CIA?

But with this story, he can’t be dating a Princess. And Eleanor tells him it’s fine – that she’d rather live half a life with him than a full life with anyone else. My heart broke in a million pieces (well, my fandom heart, cause I ship them so hard), because I want them to live a full life. They deserve it.

Now, before those of you come at me and tell me that their relationship isn’t healthy – I never said it was. Then again, I never said it wasn’t. But their chemistry is off the charts and the two of them are perfection.

The palace has arranged a press conference for Jasper and he’s told what to say. You think that he’s going to fall in line, but lets be real. Does Jasper ever really fall in line? He tells the truth – that he’s the son of a con man, that he’s American, that he’s not on the up and up always. And Robert of course passes it off like the palace knew and gave him a second chance.

You know the only thing Robert ever gave a second chance to was the voices in his head.

Cause he’s fucking nuts.


I actually feel bad for Greta, because I know that Liam is using her, but I think that even Liam feels bad too. I think that it’s hard for him to know that he’s becoming something other than what he wants to be.

But I also think that Liam is thinking that he’s doing okay things, because he’s trying to honor his fathers legacy and dreams. But then again – if I thought my brother murdered my father, well… hell hath no fury.

I’d beat his ass.

But as Liam retreats to Greta’s country house, and he’s trying to clone her fathers hard drive, one has to think that he will stop before it goes too far. This is Liam after all, and we all know that he is loyal to a fault.

He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

He wants to love everyone. He wants to be good.

But Greta opens up to him and lets him see everything about her and he still takes it one step too far and sleeps with her. Like is he not aware that a vagina is filled with feelings? He’s breaking her heart and he doesn’t seem to be able to stop.

He gets the hard drive though. He gets his proof.

But one has to wonder if in future episodes, that will be enough to save his soul, because I think that he’s lost part of that forever.

I really don’t think he’s ever going to be able to forgive himself.


Now, honestly, I have never seen someone care so much about social media, but Willow does. I mean sure, it’s her job. But girl, put down the twitter.

Also I would like to state – cause I work in social media professionally, it’s a lot more than that.

Anyhow, Willow is falling for Robbies charms and it’s disgusting. Girl, don’t be distracted by power.

Her and the Queen are vetting possible brides for Robert and I am wondering – why now? Like if I was them, I’d be like “no, focus on the national crisis.” But whatever.

I wanna like Willow, but honestly, she’s gone from being this smart, sophisticated, cunning woman to a nieve girl guided by her hormones. I’ll pass.


  1. Jasper is shot and Robert’s upset that his blood got on his shirt. After all, it was his favorite.
  2. Robert won’t allow himself to be upset, cause “this sort of thing comes with the territory. Ummm… no. You just fucking crazy.
  3. Robert wants to focus on the royal wedding – UMM NO ONE CARES UNLESS YOU ARE LEFT AT THE ALTAR.
  4. Did we mention he’s obviously got short dick syndrome and is trying to compensate?
  5. Robert lies – like LIES LIKE IT’S AS EASY AS BREATHING. Ummm…. NO.
  6. Robert’s weird obsession with Eleanor and controlling her life.
  7. See picture of King Robert and look at him. EVERYTHING – WE HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.

The Royals airs on E!.

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