‘Siren’ 1×03 Review: “Interview with a Mermaid”

Beware of the mermaids, with their hair of rainbow, their eyes of indigo. They are but illustrious raptors, pretty and beastly. Damned souls from the underworld, predators of the sea.”Conny Cernik 

Never a truer word was spoken.  Siren is Free Form’s newest sci-fi drama and if you’re into mermaid mythology and lore, then this is the show for you!  I’ll admit I was looking forward to it, having seen the previews and all the hype Free Form was throwing at it. But listen, this show needs you to throw away everything you thought you knew about mermaids. You have to suspend your disbelief and go into it with an open mind otherwise you will roll your eyes the entire 45 minutes.

Siren needs to draw you in, and the mermaids in their version ain’t so sweet and they damn sure ain’t singing with lobsters and clams under the sea. No, these mermaids are an endangered species who are predators of the sea, they attack with a viciousness that even Jaws would envy. They are a cross between lovely and homicidal. Think of them as a cross between the Cullens from Twilight and if we let Drusilla from Buffy sire children with a fish monster from the Hell-Mouth.

Siren’s premise is this: Ryn who is a siren, comes to the town of Bristol Cove, WA (a town with a long and painful history of mermaid sightings and later slayings). Ryn is searching  for her missing sister, who is also a Siren and was caught by the government in a huge cover up (more on that later).  Ryn comes ashore and of course is naked and afraid.  Ha!  See what I did there?  She walks on a road that kinda reminds me of Riverdale, but whatever, let’s not get side tracked here.  So Ryn walks naked into the town,  and of course chaos ensues.  A man is murdered in his car (he was a perv), and tried to rape Ryn so I’m not sad he’s dead.  Meanwhile, seals start going crazy at the aquarium, barking at small children and everyone is in denial that mermaids actually exist. The only person in the town with good sense and who believes in mermaids from the jump is the town “crazy” Ms. Helen.

Helen,  owns a cute little “Mermaid folklore shoppe” and knows what/who Ryn is immediately.  She tries to help her but Ryn is “wild and free”, and cannot be shut up indoors.  Helen does gain some of her trust and  manages to clothe and feed her.  Ryn also meets  Ben, a marine biologist and his girlfriend Maddie. These two have a scientific interest in Ryn, but they also really want to help her too.  Ryn decides to trust Ben and Maddie, and they take her back to lab where they both work, to run some basic tests on her.

First off, she is a highly intelligent “species”, who can’t stay out of the water for very long or she gets a bad case of Psoriasis.  Ryn clues us in that is very painful to change back and forth from a fish to a human and there are many, many more of her kind.  My first question is, where have they been hiding all this time?  Surely they’ve had to evolve to survive right?  I mean survival of the fittest and all… Are there Mermen as well?  Things, I ponder to myself while sipping Moscato

Anyway, the b plot of “Siren” revolves around Chris, who is a fisherman friend of Ben’s  and who is attacked by Ryn’s sister in the premiere and taken away to an Army base by helicopter.  Ryn’s sister is also caught, by mistake actually, because the fisherman think its just a “Big Fish” but the government knows better and intervenes and she is taken away with Chris.  The fisherman vows to find Chris and figure out what the government is hiding.

I think you guys should know, I don’t care about this subplot.  I am not invested in Chris, sucks he was attacked and all but damn that’s the fisherman’s life right?  I’ve seen “Deadliest Catch” on  Discovery channel, Chris knew what he signed up for.  Ignore that rant, that’s the Moscato talking guys!  Anyway, Ben, Maddie and Chris’s other friends all go on the hunt for him and start trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together,  everyone’s all like: We really need to find Chris man! He could be hurt and he needs us” Mmmmm K *eye roll*.

Meanwhile Ryn is all like, Fuck Chris, I need to find my sister because that’s what this show is about, Sirens, not Chris the fisherman!  Ryn gets invited to a party in less than 2 days in our world and get this, she “likes” alcohol, her words not mine.  It’s a pool party so you can imagine how frantic Ben and Maddie are at the thought of Ryn “accidentally” falling into the pool and exposing herself.

Luckily for them Ryn doesn’t change in the pool because it’s not “her” water and her secret is safe for now.  They think fast though, and hide her in a hotel, after the police break up the party on a noise compliant.  Did I mention that Maddie’s dad is the police chief?  He is, and he his investigating the perv’s murder.  Oh and he has a drawing of Ryn, thanks to a pissed of woman Ryn stole clothes from on the day she arrived.  Ben and Maddie are like “Oh Shit,” we have to get Ryn out of here now.  They all end up at this hotel/motel? Ryn does her Siren song, mind fucking thing on Maddie and tells Maddie that she is scared of her and hypnotizes her with a song, its actually more like humming but I’m being too critical here.

I’ll stop getting side tracked, the episode comes to a close with  Maddie and Ben cuddling in bed and Ryn coming over to join them for a three way. Not really!  But she does come and lay in between them and they all tuck in for some shut eye because what’s more cozy then sleeping with a mermaid and your fiancé in a cramped queen size bed?

Yo! Sign me up, because it sounds AMAZING and I am in, cuddle sessions are the best! Side note: I’m always the little spoon.

The episode ends with the government “scientist” who has been doing all the experiments on Ryn’s sister pulling the plug on the “extractions” of her DNA for now and leaving the mermaid alone until further notice. Ryn’s sister looks to be sick or dying from going through all these experiments.  As the camera pans away to him walking away, Ryn’s  sister opens her eyes from the “fake coma” she has been in and we wonder what plans SHE has for the scientist and who is experimenting with whom.

Things to reflect on/Rants:

  • Why  is the government so into mermaid hunting?  I think its a cross between like navy seals and strength in combat? But I mean at this point its more like “Shape of Water.”
  • Ryn hums like an angel and looks like a Nordic goddess.
  • There are these tanks hidden on the ocean floors that apparently the government has been using to record the sounds of ocean mammals, mermaids included.
  • Ben’s family is stepped in Mermaid Lore and its probably not good, he is not aware of his families dark past.
  • The Sheriff probably knows more than he lets on.
  • Is Bristol Cove REAL? It looks pretty.
  • Why do they have accents?
  • Anyone know why mermaids haven’t just revolted and taken BACK Bristol Cove? They would so win in hand to hand combat.
  • Do mermaids get cold? Ryn never seems affected by the cold.
  • Mermaid boobs at perfect and I’m jealous.
  • There are black mermaids and I’m super excited for the diversity.
  • Why are seals afraid of mermaids aren’t they like 2nd cousins? Selkie’s and all? Someone educate me on this please.
  • True story,  I watched the “Secret of Roan Inish” after I watched the premiere episode of Siren.

Alright guys, I’ll be back next week to give you my latest recap. I’ll rant, I’ll rave and I’ll be snarky as per usual. Please hit me with your comments down below, tell me what you think, will Siren stick around for a second season? Is it worth investing in? Should we road trip to Bristol Cove?

Siren airs Thursdays at 9/8c on Freeform.


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