‘Siren’ 1×04 Review: “On The Road”

Welcome back ,Siren fans! Last week I basically summed up 3 episodes for you, just in case you just started watching Siren with my first review.  I had a lot of positive things to say about it, but I also had some rants.  The premise of Siren is a good one and it hasn’t been done on television before, so if Freeform gets this right, they could have a hit on their hands, think late 90’s WB era… “Oh what a night!”

Some of you are too young to remember the WB.  Those were good times, It’s where Buffy and Dawson’s Creek were born.  Ahhh my youth!  But I digress, I’m getting sidetracked,  you didn’t come here to reminisce with me about the WB,  you came here to read my Siren review, so let’s D I V E in shall we?

This week,  Siren opened at the lab with a pissed off mermaid seeking to break free,  A.K.A. Ryn’s sister.   Home girl is hella pissed that they have been holding her captive conducting non-consensual experiments on her, so she does what any of us would do when faced with that type of adversity, she murders everyone.  She escapes with Chris, he doesn’t know she is a mermaid (he drives the getaway car).

Finally he’s a useful character!  Meanwhile, Chris’s even more dumber friends are staking out the nurses house who they believe knows where Chris is.  Ben and Maddie, decide to hit the road in search of Chris via a phone call from “Chris’s dumb friends.”  Ben and Maddie (they need a condensed name by the way) also vow to find some answers regarding Ryn’s sisters whereabouts.  Too bad Maddie’s dad is on the hunt for Ryn, and asking everyone in town if they have seen her.  The duo head to Helens for some help and to get her to babysit Ryn for a while.  The big question right now is, why Ryn is getting sick from being on land?

Apparently, mermaid shelf life is two days, tops.  Who knew?what else guys?  Helen is a mermaid! Or used to be?  Not sure how that works yet?  Helen does drop the first real clue and that is that each time Ryn comes on land, the longer she can stay.  Helen and Ryn are having some girl bonding time, and she is applying a homemade balm to Ryn’s rapidly deteriorating skin.  Ryn noticed or spidey sensed that Helen has the same skin problem as her, but it is contained to legs, and she keeps it hidden (For now at least!).  Helen never says, “Hey I’m your long lost auntie, or 3rd cousin”  but it’s implied, at least in my mind, ha!  We can start taking bets right now, because that my friends, will come back into play as the season progresses.

Seriously,  Helen is the most useful supporting cast member thus far.

This episode had a lot quicker pace and I was grateful for it.   Sure, there was lots of Chris, but he was being the Clyde to Ryn’s sisters Bonnie so I can’t hate on him too much, he’s still dumb though and needs to think about looking into other job opportunities as soon as his wounds heal.

Ben wants to put a tracking device on Ryn before they let her go back into the ocean.  Maddie’s all “That’s so Big Brother! and its rude to spy on her.”  But Ben is like “We need to keep an eye on her to protect her.”   Maddie reluctantly agrees and  Ryn is given a necklace with a tracking device. SHINEY OBJECTS!

Don’t get distracted by them. Oh wait, we did too.

We do find out why Ryn was so near the surface, it seems as though the Mermaids are running out of a food supply, and this is due to the government trying to smoke them out of hiding. Bastards! And like you know this “Black Ops” branch of government mermaid hunters is all ran by men.

Don’t even get me started on that.

Ryn’s sister is riding shotgun with Chris, and he keeps calling her Donna ’cause that’s what her badge says, and we all know badges tell the truth about who people are.  Oh Chris! Don’t talk, just drive.  Chris phones his friends and tells them where he is, and they all head that way to pick him up.  Ryn says she is coming too because dammit, this show is about her and her sister!  Not Chris.  They all meet up, at a park, which just so happens to be surrounded by the ocean.  Chris is taken away to yet another hospital by his friends and Ryn is reunited with her sister, who carries her  into the ocean because she is too weak to walk.

If this was a lifetime movie, that would be the end.  The two mermaid sisters reunited and swimming off into the sunset, tails dipping in the water.  But alas its not!

Thank God because next week looks even better, the plot is thickening and I’m staring to really like it.  Chris is still a hard NO for me, but you guys know why.  Until next week my loves!


  • How is Helen still alive, if she is a mermaid?  Does she need to take a dip in the ocean every now and then to rehydrate?
  • Mermaids like clams, I do not.
  • Does everyone drive a jeep in Bristol Cove?  Did Jeep give Freeform some type of deal?  Can I get in?
  • What do people do in this town besides fish and drink?  Not that I’m judging.
  • I need more backstory on mermaid lore via Helen.
  • Dude, seriously why is the government obsessed with mermaids?  But like in a 28 days later sort of way.
  • Fuck Chris! (Not like in the pleasurable way… but the he’s ugh kind of way).
  • Where do all these other mermaids live?!
  • Ben and Maddie need a nickname, how do you guys feel about “Bam” or “Baddie”?  Honestly their names suck hard for a ship name and lets face it,  Ryn is most certainly going to come between them at some point.
  • Apparently, skin color doesn’t matter to mermaids, Ryn is white and her sister is black, I ship their sisterhood.
  • If I had a mermaid sister I’d want it to be Abigail Spencer.
  • I want Helen’s homemade skin balm, you think she sells it in her shop?
  • Maddie’s got to put a stop to her dad’s sleuthing, or Ryn is gonna be in even more  trouble when she comes back to land.
  • Helen should open a mermaid halfway house, for mermaids in need, she would be  good at it, and once word got out on yelp she would  be like the most famous mermaid counselor in the world.

Siren airs on FreeFrom on Thursdays 8/7c.

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