‘Siren’ 1×09: It’s A Street Fight Up In Here B*tches

Did somebody say Street Fight? Ryn and her family came ready to bring the HEAT in the latest episode of Siren.  Donna and her crew come ashore looking for Ryn and are determined to bring her back home with them. Donna is always trying to fight someone! Settle Down girl! Meanwhile Xander figures out Ryn is a mermaid, and that Baddie has been keeping secrets from him! Oh no’s, now he wants revenge for his fathers murder.  There is always some DRAMA on this show and I love it! Guys, we gotta take a road trip to B.C.  Chris is gone for good I hope! Good luck in Iowa bro! As always the hour is action packed so lets D I V E in shall we?

Ben is having a sex dream about Ryn, only it ends in him being strangled by her and attacked by other sirens.. foreshadow much? Donna and her friends show up naked on the beach and run into some treasure hunters, they rob them, and take their clothes, even their skull caps! Donna is a badass and she holds grudges, that chick is not messing around when it comes to finding Ryn and fighting anyone who gets in her way.

Maddie is still trying to talk Xander off the ledge and put a stop to him hurting Ryn, she goes to talk to her dad about Xander and we learn that he is stocking up on ammo and guns.  Xander, looks more crazed than usual, he is driven by his will to get justice for his father Sean.  Donna pays a visit to Helen, looking for Ryn and Helen reads Donna the riot act, telling her “now that she is killing for revenge out of anger, she is more human than she thought.”  Funny thing is, Ryn doesn’t want to go back home, she wants the right to chose!  Ryn tells Ben she wants to be able to chose to go on land when she wants or in water when she wants.  Ben tells her to that she should be able too. Um, Ben sweetie, I’m glad you are sticking up for Ryn and everything but what are you going to do with her if she stays?  Marinate on that for a minute folks. Does Ben not think things could become quite complicated between him and Maddie? Guys are so dumb.  Ben your having sex dreams about Ryn!  None of this will end well for either of you.

Meanwhile, Donna shows up at Ben’s job to take Ryn home. However, Donna was tricked, because her mermaid crew, is only there to Kill Ryn, not take her back home. Dun Dun Dun! Yikers!  Ryn gives us a nice backstory on the town and why the other Sirens are so angry at her. She says a long time ago a siren had a baby with a human, in B.C. and the baby didn’t look quite human, so the man murdered the baby in the woods and the siren fled to the sea in her grief and anger.  Ryn says the man sent hundreds of fishermen to kill all the sirens and that the sea was painted red with their blood. Sounds horrible and I get why Donna is like yo, Ryn we gotta get the hell up outta her before you have a baby with Ben.  Ryn says maybe they should kill the other mermaids because they won’t stop until everyone is dead.  Just as she is speaking this revalation to Ben, Xander busts in like Rambo, ready to kill her. Ben tries to talk some sense into him and Ryn tells him again that she is sorry his father was killed. Ryn tells Xander she will help him kill the other mermaids and just like that, Xander is Ryn’s new plus one.  Ben and Xander formulate a plan to lure the other sirens into a trap. WTF? I just wanna go on record as saying that anytime Ben and Xander have a plan it goes to shit. When will they learn?

Maddie’s dad is patrolling the mean streets of B.C. when he almost runs over Ryn’s mermaid clan, they attack him and he shoots one of them, you guys, mermaids can ALMOST outrun cars!  Maddie’s dad does a fast and furious move and runs merman’s ass over.  Maddie’s dad gets outsmarted by merman on the way back to the precinct, he busts out that cop car and Maddie’s dad crashes.  Donna and Ryn do their siren song to call the other mermaids to them, the street fight begins and there are chains, hammer throws and errrthang ya’ll!  Yo! These girls are not playing, and Xander and Ben are stunned. There are hacksaws swinging, bags of rice, gun fire,  and Xander’s ass can’t keep, and he lays down on the floor trying to catch is breath.  Xander move honey! Or get out the way!

Okay, so mermaids do learn quick, they break into Helen’s shop and steal a harpoon! Shit is getting real, real quick guys. Also why does Helen have harpoons laying around? Maddie’s dad is on the hunt for the merman but is hit by a harpoon in the leg and the mermaids get away again, now its up to Ryn and Donna to put a stop to their vengeance quest.  It’s like fortnight with mermaids.

Helens’ house has become the new Cheers. Literally everyone meets there to solve their problems, all they need is beer.  Helen really needs to let Baddie in on her history with mermaids or that she is in fact a mermaid. Ugh. Maybe the season finale? Ben leaves Maddie with Helen to take care of her dad and he goes in search of Ryn and Donna. He’s a little late because Ryn is beating the shit out of her other mermaid sister, so much so, that she holds up her hands in defeat.  Okay, one down, one merman to go…. Ben isn’t having the best of luck tho, because he about to get his ass handed to him by merman. You guys mermaids wield harpoons the way knights wield swords and it is AWESOME!

Everyone converges on the town square with Ryn pulling rank and the merman bowing to her because she is the dominant female now. Helen tells the group, mermaids are a matriarchal society. Dude, Sign. Me. Up.  I wish I could tell  you that it all ends well and everyone goes home in peace, but sadly I cannot, because Xander shows up and ruins everything, as per usual. He still wants to kill the merman and everyone is all like no Xander its settled mermaids are matriarchal, Ryn will handle him.. But Xander doesn’t listen and he pulls the trigger just as Ben tackles him to the ground, the stray bullet hits Donna in the chest and Helen assumes the role of nursing her back to health. Maddie’s dad is going to be okay and tells Maddie if he has to chose a side, he will chose the town over those creatures.

In the final shot, Donna is getting worse because duh, she got shot through the chest, but no one wants to take her to the hospital because they will find our her secret.  Helen tells Ben he needs to do something, or Donna will die. Ben tells Ryn he knows someone who can help them, someone who has Donna’s blood and stem cells.  Ryn tells him to make the call… Of course its Decker, he seems to be happy that he’s being useful for once, maybe he just needed a purpose? I don’t know? I guess we will find out next week.

Siren airs on Freeform Thursdays at 8/7c

Rants mostly/Questions too: 

  • Who knew that mermaids were matriarchal?
  • Is Helen the woman who had the baby with the human man? She seems bitter about something…
  • How does Donna know that Helen’s a mermaid but Ryn doesn’t?
  • Maddie’s dad is going to be a problem
  • Sex dreams about Ryn are going to be a problem for Ben
  • Are there only two police officers in this town?
  • Mermaids are a diverse species, I like it
  • Mermaids like apples or at least Ryn does.. Apples and fish are all she eats, perhaps that’s how she stays so thin?
  • Do you think Ben can get Ryn a job at the aquarium? Would she freak out?
  • Why the hell is Xander so careless and dumb? Oh wait, his BFF is Chris, nevermind
  • Decker could be a asset to them next week but I feel like he might double cross them
  • People drink a lot in this town, no judgment tho, there is a lot of shit going on

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