‘Pacific Rim Uprising’: Journey Into The Thirst Trap. Your Hormones Will Thank You.

I am the type of person that doesn’t give a shit about what critics say, because why worry about what some old dude in an office somewhere has to say about anything? I am a grown woman, and I think what you like is up to you. If I followed the reviews of Pacific Rim 2, I wouldn’t watch it. I would be like fuck it – I have better things to do with my time.

But again – critics are BORING and don’t understand what people who aren’t over 50 or have a film degree want.

Now, let me preface this review with I suffer from chronic pain, so I took a Percocet as I sat down to watch Pacific Rim Uprising. I knew two things from the beginning – John Boyega and Scott Eastwood were in this movie. I just knew that I was in for a thirst trap. AND I AM HERE FOR IT.

I don’t like sci-fi, but I do appreciate the hotness that was walking across that screen. My first thought, “I’d ride that rocket anytime, and I am not talking about the vehicle.”

Yes, I went there Mr. Eastwood.

Now I know… I know, this is supposed to be a serious review, but if you read Fangirlish you know that’s not what we’re about. We’re about telling it like it is, from a fangirl perspective. I’m about to tell you all about this movie from this non sci-fi watching fangirl perspective.

The thirst trap is real with this one. Like not shitting you, they were smart. I feel like the casting director was like, “not everyone likes sci-fi and some people are going to be pissed off about the way the last one ended,  so lets distract them with men in uniform.”

I submit to evidence the first exhibit –

I admit – I don’t have a clue what the plot line is and maybe that is because I haven’t seen the first one. But my friend gave me a quick synopsis and I’ve learned some valuable things

  • It was good
  • They messed up the OTP

Lord people, OTP’s are not to be fucked with, but I can appreciate the fact that sometimes it’s necessary. And to be honest, as a fangirl and a person with hormones I can look past all of that because I am again drawn in by the thirst trap that is Scott Eastwoods jaw porn and John Boyegas over all hotness.

Pacific Rim was described as “giant fucking monsters against giant fucking robots.”  Pacific Rim Uprising has the same thing going on – sure. But Lord help me for saying this – those parts I was like whatever. And then I was like hell yes, because they appealed to my hormones with Scott and John.

I get that Boyega’s character is the son of Idris Elba’s now deceased character and he’s probably got some unresolved Daddy issues. I can respect that. I can respect that he’s probably gone through a lot. But for me I was like lets look past the issues and lets do your Daddy proud. Someone kick your attitude into shape.

I can overlook it to a certain part of attitude when you are pretty to look at – but hey, we all have issues. Go to therapy and get over it. Your looks will only get you so far.

Except when you look like this I forget your issues.

Forgive me – this movie is like a workout for my hormones, because I have to stare at them most of the time. Like I want to know if I have to go to the gym later, because I feel like I have done a workout with the way my body contorts from thinking about all the things that I would like Scott Eastwood to do to me.

Have you seen his abs?

The thirst trap is real.

I submit for evidence exhibit number 2.

And then there is the fact that no matter what John Boyega is in – his eyes feel like they are mind fucking you at every turn.

and that smile…

But I digress, we’re talking about Pacific Rim, right? Not my attraction to these men.

Pacific Rim Uprising wasn’t the best movie, but it wasn’t bad. It was funny at parts, but I still stand by the fact that I couldn’t think of what the plot was because I was too busy staring at the hotness that is Scott Eastwood and John Boyega. I’m not sorry that my hormones took control. My body contorted in ways I didn’t know possible.

I’m thankful for it.

Watch it with your significant other. They’ll thank you for it because afterwards, you can pretend they are Scott Eastwood or John Boyega and well… it’s a win, win for everyone.

Pacific Rim Uprising is out on DVD and Blu-Ray now.

Here’s a contest for you too. You can win a 6 month GAME FLY membership and a shit load of Pacific Rim stuff.

Just tweet us “I want to win #PacificRimUprising stuff from @fangirlish”. We’ll chose a winner 7/20. USA addresses only – we’re poor AF.


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