We’re Passing Judgement On The Cast of ‘Summer House’

If you think your life is filled with drama, you’ve got nothing going on compared to all of the people that star in a show on Bravo. Those people see drama and latch onto it like a leech. Hell, most of them have invented new meanings to the word drama.

Plainly put – these bitches be crazy (and I mean that in the most loving of ways).

There are a lot of shows on Bravo that are filled with drama – most notably The Real Housewives series. I would normally be one to argue that Vanderpump Rules or Southern Charm (Charleston, not that New Orleans crap) is a lot more dramatic. However, I have come to find out that even I am wrong there.

If you’re looking for drama – you should be watching Summer House.

Summer House is some crazy trash that you will find yourself becoming trash for.

Carl Radke, Lindsay Hubbard, Kyle Cooke, Amanda Bakula, Paige DeSorbo, and Hannah Berner are thee OG cast members returning for the fourth season. New cast members include Jules Daoud and Luke Gulbranson.

In my binge watching I’ve got some pretty harsh judgements about this group and yes, it makes me feel kinda shitty because they are human beings, but kinda like okay with it because I am under the assumption that they can’t be this fucking crazy in real life.

Lets break down some judgements about this cast that I am making from watching this show (and trust I will be watching Summer House this January to see if I am right).

Carl Radke seems like he’s got major “i wanna be loved by someone” issues. Unable to commit to anyone, he finds his dick doing the steering for his heart. I mean, that is if he has a heart. He lusts over what he can’t have, but isn’t afraid to destroy and complicate situations if it means that he’s going to not have to be alone. He’s unaware of his actions and how the affect others.

Lindsay Hubbard seems like she’s a Blair Waldorf wannabe – only with bad hair, bad clothes, and a need to be sedated attitude. She’s always a victim in her own mind – even though she is the instigator of all the drama. She’s the female version of Carl, but when she sleeps with a dude, her vagina becomes a stage 5 clinger to his penis. I am all for sleep with whomever you want to, but I am also like girl, just cause you bone – doesn’t mean he’s put you on a throne. Put yourself on one and develop a nice personality.

Kyle Cooke is the biggest douchebag on the planet. He’s unable to see when a good thing is in front of his face and does everything to sabotage it. He’s got dick amnesia, but alcohol induced diarrhea of the mouth. Pepto doesn’t cure that shit for him. He takes everything for granted – and by everything I put the biggest thing that he takes for granted first is his fiancé. Boy needs to become a man and realize his frat days are way far the fuck behind him.

Amanda Bakula is Kyle’s fiancé and too good for his ass. Amanda has yet to grow into her worth, because she’s blindsided by everything Kyle does and out of one side of her mouth is saying she’s over it and out of the other has already forgiven him for being a dumbass. She needs to grow into her own strength and if she can’t find some – she needs to be seeking some professional help to realize she’s worth more.

Paige DeSorbo is definitely Blair Waldorf. Lindsay may want to be Blair, but Paige is the Queen of Summer House. Impeccable style, a very New York attitude, and always leaving us with wanting to know how the hell her hair stays that straight in humidity – that’s Paige. But Paige comes off a little cold – okay, a lot cold and as needy as a toddler. But it’s fine – because Paige is the New Yorker that you dream of being. She’s fierce. I wouldn’t want to take her on.

And then the last of the OG’s is Hannah Berner. Hannah is like Carl and Kyle shaken in a glass with a little bit of ice and something spicy added. She seems funny for the sake of a defense mechanism, but also very vulnerable when she needs to be. Hannah just wants to be loved and to love.

As you can see – the assumptions we have drawn are quite savage, but I said what I said.

The new season doesn’t start until February, but Bravo has already intrigued us with their synopsis of the season –

Last summer, Kyle took the ultimate step and finally proposed to Amanda, but living together causes them to butt heads and get on each other’s last nerve. Adding to the stress of the living situation, the wedding planning process is taking its toll, and new problems are brought to light that have them both questioning their relationship. Will wedding bells still be ringing for this couple by the end of the summer?
After numerous fun and flirty summers, Lindsay is more ready than ever to settle down with the man of her dreams but who would have thought that her BFF, Carl would be her knight in shining armor? Will this dynamic duo make it through or will they say goodbye to their friendship forever?
Carl is at a crossroads in his life this summer – he is on the hunt to find the perfect woman to settle down with but also ready to find his true career passion. With so much on his mind will he get on track or spiral out of control?
Hannah enters the house in a relationship, but as her man drags his feet, she takes charge and soon finds herself caught in the middle of a love triangle. Her openness to a new relationship causes a divide among her friendships in the house – however, while her roommates are focused on themselves and their own drama, Hannah stays as confident as ever and is living her best life.
Paige has a very serious, older boyfriend, but as he spends his weekends in New York City instead of the Hamptons, she feels torn between two worlds. Surprisingly, the friendship she has built with Hannah is now in jeopardy. Is she making the right decision by choosing time with her beau over her besties?
Hailing from a Jordanian family who settled in Cincinnati, newcomer Jules comes from a completely different background than her new roommates. As she looks for a new start, an old fling makes an appearance putting her reputation in jeopardy.
Newcomer Luke fits right in with the bros of the house – Kyle and Carl, but it’s the ladies that present the challenge. After recently breaking up with his ex, this stud turns the summer house upside down as he raises the question of commitment and loyalty with his new summer alliances.

We’re making all sorts of assumptions and we give no fucks. We’ll be all about summer house come February.

Do you like the show? How are you breaking down this cast? Who is your fave?

Summer House returns to Bravo, February 5th.