‘The Bachelor’ Episode 8 Review: Peter Doesn’t Want Easy, He Wants Crazy

There’s nothing quite like hometowns on The Bachelor. And there was some bonus drama courtesy of Victoria F., which surprisingly didn’t change Peter’s loyalty to her. And we all know why. (If this had happened a week from now, it would have been a different story.)

Something you have to appreciate about hometowns are how the dads are ready to come at the dude that’s been making out with 20 women when he claims his daughter could “be the one.”

The one thing about hometowns is that they’re incredibly realistic. Because the families are usually finding out in real time, and it’s usually just a reactionary circumstance. There’s no time to get reacquainted with daughters and sisters before her and her boyfriend come strolling through the door.

The dads were in full force and Peter was completely unprepared for these string of hometown dates.

Let’s break down each of these final four ladies’ hometown visits:

Hannah Ann

The good news is that Hannah Ann had the best hometown, as that’s usually how they rank them from best to most dramatic in order of air. But the bad news was that it wasn’t really good either.

Let’s start with the good, which consisted of Peter and Hannah Ann by themselves, without family influence. Hannah Ann told Peter she was going to make a man out of the California boy to impress her dad.

Spoiler alert: Hannah Ann’s father was not impressed. But more on that later.

Hannah Ann thinks she’s going to do that by taking Peter to an ax throwing establishment. And that goes as bad as you’d think. (And I’m not just talking about how they seemed to ignore all the safety rules when it comes to jumping in arms and holding an ax.)

Last week, Hannah Ann had made a list of 20 things she loved about Peter (dotted I’s with hearts and all.) So, this week, Peter did the same for her. It was totally cute.

Now, the bad.

From the moment Peter and Hannah Ann walked into her family’s house, Hannah Ann’s dad was uninterested. He wasn’t interested in the cameras filming his family or the fact that his daughter was dating a guy that had been dating 30 women at once.

When it’s time for Peter and Hannah Ann’s dad to talk, it’s about as awkward as can be. Imagine sitting next to the father of a girl you’re dating and knowing he despises you. And then try telling said father that you’re falling in love with his daughter. Oh, and imagine said father telling you not to tell his daughter that.

Yikes.

Though, to be fair, Hannah Ann’s father told Peter to make 100 percent sure that he felt that way about his daughter before telling her. That when he uses the word “love” to “not waste the word.” And somewhere between that visit and the moment Peter and Hannah Ann are sitting on the porch, Peter decides to drop the bomb.

Then, shortly after, Hannah Ann proceeds to tell Peter that she’s in love with him. Twice.

And I don’t know how to feel about this. Because I think I like Hannah Ann. But how in the hell am I supposed to take her declaration seriously when just two weeks ago she was telling Peter that she’d never been in love before. That, coming from a woman that dated a man for three years. Yet, somehow, in a matter of two weeks, we’re to believe that Hannah Ann has fallen in love with Peter?

Sorry, it just doesn’t feel genuine to me.

Kelsey

Sweet Kelsey. Your poor heart was gearing up to be broken. You know when you feel like something’s going to happen and you can’t stop it, that was me knowing Kelsey was doomed to be sent home.

When you look at it, Peter is already in love with Madison and falling for Hannah Ann. Then there’s Victoria F., who he’s not sending home one week before fantasy suites. Why else has he kept her around? So Kelsey was the one woman out here, and it sucks because she was growing on me a little.

Things started out well for Kelsey and Peter, who certainly have an undeniable connection. The only question was: Is the connection stronger than the other three? Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.

They started off at a winery, which felt like a waste considering Kelsey’s lasting legacy is Champagne Gate. I mean, we couldn’t have found a champagne-ry?

Instead, we get Peter and Kelsey stomping on grapes. Then we get Peter and Kelsey making their own wine. Then we see Peter and Kelsey drinking their wine. And all I was thinking about was Tammy calling Kelsey an alcoholic and about how this edit wasn’t doing her any favors.

After some tipsy drinking, Kelsey finds the courage to finally tell Peter that she loves him. And it’s all I can do not to look for the crickets that can be heard after the exchange. I should’ve known it was desperate for heartbreak immediately.

The weird thing was that Peter seemed to fit in best with Kelsey’s family. They asked him the right amount of tough questions, but they were very welcoming. The other three, sorry, two, families seemed to be in protective mode.

Kelsey is most concerned about getting her heart broken. And Kelsey’s mom warned Peter not to break her daughter’s heart, so here I am casually waiting for the sequel: Kelsey’s Mom’s Revenge.

Madison

Peter finally gets to visit Alabama! You know, because things never worked out with Hannah B. Girl really fucked him up, didn’t she? Okay, yeah, yeah, I know. I’m done.

It doesn’t take long for Peter and Madison to be on screen for the natural chemistry to come out. While I think Peter is handling this whole situation horribly, I love the person he is when he’s with Madison.

Can we talk about how perfect it is that Madison’s date is at Auburn Arena, where her dad is an assistant coach for the men’s basketball team? Because, as a sports nut, I’m in awe. That’s the kind of date I would love to go on.

Before Madison can kick Peter’s ass in basketball, Pete gets a warning from none other than Charles Barkley, who proceeds to warn Peter to treat her right. And I think Peter should prepare for a house call from Charles Barkley if he doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain.

Auburn head coach Bruce Pearl then comes out and warns Peter not to hurt Madison, and the Madison Defense Squad is in full force. And I’m leading the fucking charge. Don’t hurt her, Pete. Or we’ll have words.

Madison then proceeds to embarrass Peter at basketball. Come on, what else did you expect from the five-time state champion? Kick his ass, Madi!

By the end of the day portion, I’m convinced Peter is in love with Madison. He doesn’t need to say it. It’s written all over his face. In the way he looks at her. In the way he kisses her. In the way he’s in freaking awe of her.

Honestly, if Peter wasn’t in love with Madison, he probably would’ve sent her home after his most difficult hometown of the week (in terms of family.)

Like Hannah Ann’s dad, Madi’s dad isn’t convinced. This whole dating multiple women at once thing isn’t exactly what a dad wants to hear. Especially when it comes to Madison.

Madi’s dad puts Peter through the wringer, and I love it. Her dad isn’t convinced that feelings like this can happen in such short time. At least, he’s thinking about his daughter, who we know takes things slow. It’s caution on Madi’s dad’s part, and it’s understandable. The dads are always the ones that are more overprotective than the moms on hometowns.

Her dad can’t give Peter his blessing…yet. Not until Madison knows exactly how she feels. She wants to tell Peter she’s falling in love with him, but she wants to be sure they’re really a match.

Madison’s mom asks her if she’s had a chance to tell Peter that she’s saving herself for marriage. She has not. But time is of the essence, because fantasy suites are next week. And while there’s nothing wrong with the fact that Madison is a virgin, it’s a discussion that needs to be had.

Which is why Madi decides to pull Peter aside after the rose ceremony and tell him…only we don’t get to see it…yet.

Victoria F.

The other three hometown dates were great and all, but we all know what we were waiting for. For what was expected to be the public execution of Victoria F. And it was glorious.

Things started great, as they usually do. Peter and Victoria walked the beach, played with her dog, ate some ice cream and enjoyed some drama-free time.

But, that could only last so long. Then the real reason we were watching was upon us.

Peter’s ex-girlfriend Merissa, from about eight years ago, tracked him down and warned him about the mess that is Victoria F. She’s broken up marriages. Essentially, she’s a homewrecker.

Now, this didn’t sound like an ex-lover scorned or an ex that wanted him back. It sounds like she genuinely wanted to warn him about this mutual friend that was a homewrecker.

And, of course, Peter doesn’t listen.

Peter is definitely unnerved by the news, and you think he’s going to send Victoria home.

Only he doesn’t.

Don’t you know, it’s not yet fantasy suites, and Peter hasn’t had a chance to bang her yet.

Instead, Peter chooses to confront her about the information, and Victoria immediately gets way too defensive over something that she claims isn’t true. I’m sorry, but I don’t recall getting so worked up over something that isn’t acutally true.

Just own up to it.

To make matters worse, Victoria is treating Peter like a pile of shit. The way she talks to him is disgusting. She’s condescending, hurtful and quite frankly a bitch.

Now, you really think Peter is going to finally send Victoria home.

Until he doesn’t.

They mutually decide to part ways, and Victoria later finds him at his hotel room and begs for forgiveness. And wouldn’t you know it, Peter gives it to her.

The bastard.

Not only that, then he decides to give her the final rose.

My God, Peter is the dumbest Bachelor we’ve had in a long time.

Other Thoughts

  • Hometowns are always interesting, but I’m sure Pilot Pete is gonna find a way to make these one for the ages.
  • Hannah Ann wants to make a man out of Peter. Wow, tell him how you really feel.
  • Hannah Ann’s dad is a FUCKING MOOD.
  • Here’s Peter walking around Iowa wearing a beanie and gloves and freezing his ass off. Kelsey is just working it. Pete’s such a southern boy.
  • “I cry a lot.” Kelsey, truer words have never been spoken.
  • Seriously, Peter is just a different person when he’s around Madison.
  • But also, Peter is the least athletic Bachelor we’ve had. Didn’t this dude play football?
  • Madison kicking Peter’s ass in basketball is everything I needed on Monday.
  • Charles Barkley with a warning shot — don’t mess with Madi, Peter, or there will be words.
  • Madison’s dad is also a FUCKING MOOD.
  • Peter had probably the worst family date with Madison’s family and still managed to leave feeling as confident in ever in their relationship.
  • Yeah, Peter is in love with Madison.
  • Victoria to Peter: “Our dates haven’t been easy.” Understatement of the century.
  • Oh, look, there’s another musical performer. Is it another one of Victoria’s ex’s?
  • Oh, no, it’s just Hunter Hayes singing Peter Weber’s jam, apparently.
  • “I don’t want easy, I want crazy.”
  • Are you sure, Peter? Are you sure?
  • “It’s like I can’t catch a break.” Yeah, Victoria. That’s what happens when your past comes back to haunt you.
  • Victoria asking why Peter’s willing to stay? Narrator: Because he wants to fuck you.
  • Did Peter actually just say 99 percent of being with Victoria is good? I was thinking the 1 percent was the good.
  • Oh, cue the tears. Victoria’s got this in the bag.
  • And then there were three brunettes remaining.
  • Peter continues to make the worst decisions when he decided to keep Victoria.
  • Screw that, Peter and Victoria deserve each other. They’re that bad.
  • Good News: Victoria is totes gone after Peter bangs her in the fantasy suites.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.

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