As season finales go, A Million Little Things’ “Goodbye” is definitely up there with one of the most emotional ones for me. Each week, the writers of this show have tugged at our heart strings and had us taking a deeper look at ourselves and our loved ones so emotion and tears is to be expected. But it is now Monday and I am still feeling the weight of this finale on my heart. The loss of Jon was hard and left so many questions for his family and friends (and us viewers). It was clear he was in pain but we never truly knew the depth of that pain…until now.
WE WILL NEVER FORGET
“Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?”
– Alan Jackson
Everyone can remember where they were on September 11, 2001. They remember what they were doing and where they were standing when they either saw or heard the tragic news. For me, it was 2nd period of my senior year and we were asked to turn on Channel 1 News for a special report and all we could see was smoke billowing out of the North Tower. I was 17 years old and the world stopped. As many of you know, I’m in the military but what you don’t know is I left for basic training the day before the one year anniversary of that fateful day. Even a year after I still don’t think I fully comprehended the irrevocable change that day had for America; for the world. Looking back now almost 18 years later, I remember how young and innocent I was that day…how young and innocent we all were.
Like the world, Jon was forever changed by the events of that fateful September day. Never in a million years would I have figured that twist out. The moment the realization hit that Jon’s college friend, Dave, was on AA Flight 11, I felt a literal shoot of pain through my heart. The weight of that moment is so strong, I can’t even begin to truly put it into words. As I said earlier, this September will be 18 years and it still takes my breath away to think about that day. I can’t even imagine how it is for people who knew or lost loved ones. While this is a moment that we will never forget, sometimes it does slip people’s memories and it’s moments like this that takes us back.
Jon lived with what few people can relate to, survivor’s guilt. Logically, it’s not your fault that someone died instead of you but the human mind and heart just don’t work that way. The question of “what if” comes into play without us even realizing it. What if I hadn’t missed that cab? What if I had stopped to tie my shoe? Hadn’t bought that bottle of wine? For 17 years, Jon lived in a state of “what if” and guilt all the while being surrounded by people he loved and who loved him. As Maggie said, it wasn’t necessarily one thing that led to Jon taking his own life; it was that feeling of drowning by everything that was weighing him down.
Would things have turned out differently if he had confided in Delilah about what happened? I don’t know and much like real life loses, we’ll never know. All we can focus on is the time we had with our loved ones and appreciate the moments we have left. That’s what this show has taught me and so many people who watch it. Appreciate the little moments and be there for the people in your lives when they fall or when they’re hurting. Everyone suffers and processes things in a different way and learning to let people in and talking about our pain is the only way to heal and truly live.
A FRESH START
— A Million Little Things (@AMillionABC) March 1, 2019
With all the pain and heaviness the finale brought, it also brought some light and possible new beginnings. After the pilot episode, it was no secret that I wasn’t much of a fan of Eddie’s and how he had treated his wife. But as I discovered a couple of episodes ago, I think the true root cause was my distaste for his and Delilah’s relationship and the kind of person he is when he’s with her. I was all for Katherine moving on and starting over with someone else but that feeling quickly changed with the flashback of Eddie singing his heart out over his love for her. From that moment, I have rooted for these two to make amends and get back together and in the finale; it looks like my wish is seconds away from happening.
They are finally on the same page. They see what they had and how they both lost their way and they’re working their way back to each other and I’m so here for it! You could hear me squealing from miles away when Eddie kissed her in the kitchen. I was so happy and so joyful at seeing these two once broken, hurt people smiling and looking at each other with so much love. I know there will be some bumps and roadblocks going into next season (for a couple of episodes, I’m assuming) but the love these two have for each other has always been there. Even when they were broken and Eddie thought he was in love with Delilah (let’s be real, it was just lust), you could feel it. The more we’ve gotten to know these characters, the more we’ve seen how absolutely meant for each other they are. I truly want things to work out for Eddie and Katherine and I pray that once he reveals the truth about Delilah’s baby, she will still be open to pursuing things. Please, writers, they’ve been through enough! *fingers crossed*
Speaking of love, can I once again say how freaking much I love Maggie and Gary together?!?! They literally complete each other. I’m getting giddy just thinking about it, much like Maggie when she received the news that she officially in remission!!! She beat cancers ass not once, but TWICE! And the role reversal in that doctor’s office was not lost on me. Gary has always been the jokester and the one who wants to make everyone laugh while Maggie has been more serious and let’s be honest, a little negative. But in the moment, when they received the news that she was cancer free, she laughed and he cried. Total change from their norm and that just further proves the affect they have had on each other.
Gary takes things a little more serious, which can be a good thing, and Maggie now finds the joy in the little things and chooses to laugh and embrace verses running away. Relationships are supposed to be like this. They should add to your life, not take away from it and serve as a burden. The character development that we have witnessed this season with these two lovebirds has been truly beautiful and inspiring. Maggie and Gary are their best selves when they’re with each other. They remind me a lot of Jasper and Eleanor from The Royals in that sense because Jaspenor was a train wreck before finding each other (and even a little after). Both couples found love and raised the other up and for me, that’s what love is all about. Now, get married.
ARE WE READY?
Out of all of the dilemmas and events that the finale centered around, the topic of having a baby and starting a family is one that I can, without a doubt, relate to. My husband and I were married for almost 9 years before we had our child. I always saw myself having kids but it was always something that was far into the future and not something I had to worry about anytime soon and that’s the mentality I had for so long. Even after getting married, it was always something that we would talk about in a year or so. But then a year passed and then three years, then six and the topic became a daily topic. My husband was ready and willing but I wasn’t so sure. Children had always been something we talked about but when it actually came down to deciding to try and have kids, I was scared shitless. In theory, it was great but in reality, I wasn’t ready and I didn’t think I’d ever be.
Like Rome and Regina, this posed a problem in my marriage. Kids were something my husband wanted and it wasn’t something he wanted to bend on. While he never pressured or blamed me, I of course felt this immense guilt weighing on me. I felt there was something wrong with me because getting married and starting a family was something adults were “supposed to do”.
It took me a long time to let go of that mentality and to realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that I wasn’t broken or anything of the sort. I was scared of my life changing or that I wasn’t going to be a good mother. I was scared of my marriage changing or feeling like I was second. I realized it was completely normal to feel this way and that if I chose not have kids or adopt or even foster, that was okay. This was my story and my life and I had to do what made me happy. It’s funny where life takes you because my baby will be one this month and looking back now, I can’t imagine my life without him or fathom a time when not having kids was even a thought.
With everything that’s happened in his life, something changed for Rome and he’s ready and wants to start a family, something he never thought he’d want. To be honest, I saw this coming from the moment he found the pregnancy test that he thought was Regina’s. When he bought that onesie, I knew it wasn’t the end and it’s something a lot of people deal with. We’re all human and while we may have similar tastes and agree on some things, we never know how the other is going to react to something we want or how we will change. I’m interested to see where next season takes these two because this is a topic so close to my heart.
- We now know who Barbara Morgan is and my heart still breaks. It’s a pain that will never leave a single one of us and I love this show for reminding everyone that we can never forget what we lost that day.
- PJ calling Rome to check in and keeping that open communication makes me so happy. That’s what it’s all about, folks! Rome started this TV series moments from death and here we are 17 episodes later and he is the voice of hope and guidance for a hurting teenager. How frigging beautiful is that?!
- I hope everything is okay with Delilah’s baby since she was a bit early. I can’t remember exactly how many weeks she is but I’m hoping we start next season off with a healthy baby.
- We have until next fall to stock up on our tissues because I have a feeling the writers are just getting started and we’re nowhere near ready for the emotional gauntlet we’re in for next season.
A Million Little Things will return next season on ABC.