We watched the Dance Moms reunion so you didn’t have to. Or, maybe you watched it and want to come complain about it with us. For a fun twist, maybe you loved it and want to make like the internet usually does and attack us for our opinions. Either way. Let’s talk! We’re not really doing a recap, but it’s not really a review either. Let’s call it some lowllights highlights.
Just getting started…
Ok, ok. So, we started out with some intros that already made us feel old AF. See also: These girls’ ages. “My little Kendall” was 8 when she started the show, but she’s 20 now. Same with a formerly 9-year-old Paige being 23. Chloe is 22, and Brooke’s 25…just no. To be fair, we already knew they were all grown and in college…but still. Time to refuse, especially as we sit here and watch all these old clips.
R-e-f-u-s-e. Anyway.
Just to get us in the mood, we’ve got some clips that aged very poorly — not just because they were toxic AF (literally, what were we thinking keeping this on the air???) but also because Abby Lee Miller said something about people wanting to send their kids to her. And um. I’m going to go with not anymore. Like, full offense: Her podcast is fun. But times have changed since that first season of Dance Moms, is all I’m saying here.
Actually, the only thing that feels real right now is Kalani Hilliker’s “I was the girl who was known for having good technique.” This can stay. The rest can go.
Some things never change
They really tried to set this Dance Moms reunion up like a regular episode of the series. Some folks in the spotlight, while others are commenting in another room. The difference is, of course, the moms up in their lair made sense and felt at least somewhat normal or realistic since they wouldn’t have been in the studio with the girls while they were rehearsing. This, however, is just…LOL. Nothing else to say about that. El. Oh. El.
Another totally unsurprising thing: Jill, speaking for Kendall when the producers ask how they’re feeling at the beginning. The Hylands, Chloe, Kalani all…manage to speak for themselves. “My Little Kendall” not so much. And that whole bit with going out to fix her dress, complete with getting everyone backstage egging her on when she wanted to do it? Y’all. That’s one of those moments that would’ve been hilarious in a real reunion without all the production…stuff. In the context of this being for the network, with the producers clearly trying to do their best to trigger the girls later on? Not great.
Is that a Jill problem or a Dance Moms problem, though? Thinking more the latter than the former.
The Dance Moms reunion special vs. Mackenzie and Maddie Ziegler
Talk about throwing people under the bus with this one. And, honestly, some of the commentary on social media makes sense now that it turns out they were…for the reunion. Let’s get into it. Some notable folks — Nia Sioux, Maddie Ziegler, and Mackenzie Ziegler — weren’t part of the Dance Moms reunion. Or, rather, they were only there in old clips…and current gossip. “I think everyone knows who’s not here.” Yes, Kendall. We know. Especially since the producers had you have this conversation more than once.
Side note: It’s not “the elephant in the room” if everyone has literally already discussed it. And yet, that’s…exactly the situation when the producers ask about said elephant.
Like, Maddie Ziegler did not need to do the Dance Moms reunion. Neither did Mackenzie. Furthermore, it’s one thing if their friends were like, “WTF. Are y’all too good for us” or something along those lines. But it’s completely different that this was all just…set up the way reality TV does setup. You know how it goes. Leading question. And then, that reality TV thing where they’re just…mean for the sake of being mean but call it being brutally honest (or whatever.) Case in point: More negativity was focused on the Zieglers than Nia, despite none of them being there. Because drama around the Zieglers gets clickbait.
The whole, “hey, some of you were at their house for Paige’s surprise birthday party yesterday. Let’s rub it in the rest of y’all’s faces and ask if there were ‘ulterior motives'” part was…low. Even for this show. And what even was the whole, “JoJo, you weren’t invited because you threaten her kids. Because you’re F—ing successful” thing all about? Come on now. Like, why do this? All it did was prove the exact point of why those girls want nothing to do with any of this. Just saying!
But. Let’s be fair to Kendall for a second…because she both had a point and didn’t with one of her comments.”Don’t talk about Dance Moms if you don’t want to be a part of it.” Because it has got to be weird to keep seeing the “Maddie Ziegler says [insert negative thing here] about Abby Lee Miller and Dance Moms” nonsense all over the internet every so often. So, for her to turn down the reunion…ok. Again, probably the best way to put it is to say it has to feel weird, especially in that context.
But. Here are the unfair parts: First up, basically, just…tough. Nobody owes these producers anything. (Other than whatever they were contractually obligated to do back in the day. And even then, uh…no comment.). Maddie and Mackenzie did their time. They’re done. And number two, it’s not like they’re running around, doing an “ask me about my terrible childhood” tour for attention — other people are just…doing the asking. And third, back to the nobody owing the Dance Moms people anything…like. Why, especially considering they were at it again with some of the other discussion topics during this reunion, would someone willingly set themselves up to be the center of these people’s negative attention?
That last point isn’t me trying to be like “y’all are all stupid AF for being here” or anything either. Everyone gets to choose what they do and don’t want to do. (Personally, if it were me, I…probably would not.) But there’s a difference between being a part of a group and being a target. Maddie shows up, she’s a target. Because that’s what she always was to the show. It was different. Moving on, for some, means doing a special like this one. For others, it means moving on.
Chloe vs. Maddie
Which brings us to our next point: The central Dance Moms rivalry. Chloe even said she almost didn’t want to come, and everyone was supportive of her for that (as they should be). She actually didn’t want to relive that old rivalry and still be “put in this box.” Ultimately, though, she decided it was better to come “set the record straight.” Which is fine! But it was still…not exactly easy for her to sit there and rewatch the old footage, especially from when Abby had those solo scores changed.
“That situation actually makes me upset. Because that rivalry that was created was — sure, in a sense, good for pushing the two of us. To, like, get better and better. But it really took me down…I thought I wasn’t enough. Like, in every single way. And it wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized the way I felt about myself were her words lingering with me. Like, 10 years later.”
Can we please sit with that for a minute?
And also this:
“She doesn’t define me anymore; she doesn’t get that power over me.”
Brooke/Paige leaving “in a very dramatic way”
One of the Dance Moms moments that everyone wants to reference over and over again was the big Kelly Hyland/Abby Lee Miller screaming match. But, as Brooke told us, “that fight happened. And then, we never danced again.” That’s…sad. If you step away from all the reality TV drama of it all and just think, it’s just…sad. Did both she and Paige reassure their mom she didn’t ruin their lives with all of that? Sure. But still. Sad.
Which, side note: “I just feel like it’s all my fault.” Uh…you were the adult. So, yeah. “Fault” may be a strong word…but yeah. You exposed them to this. So, yes. You’re responsible. She also thinks it caused her divorce? “It just kinda…changed…me.” The look Jess gives her…same. This is all very concerning.
Also concerning: The producers bringing Kalani — and, at her request also JoJo — out to…answer for being replacements, essentially? Yikes. It seemed like Brooke really, truly wanted to know if Kalani knew she was coming to the show to replace her and Paige — “or that you were coming in to replace someone.” But for Kalani, “there was no replacement.” All she knew was she loved to dance, and Abby loved her. Here’s the real point that we need to takeaway from this one, though:
“If I would’ve known what was going on, I probably would’ve said no. But, like, also: remember that…do I have the chance to say no? No. I’m 12 years old, and if this mean lady is telling me that I’m going to go on stage and dance, I’m going to go out on stage and dance.”
She was a child. If anyone did anything dirty, it was the adults. Which adults those were…Abby, the producers, whoever.
JoJo Siwa…regrets nothing, apparently
Well. At least she knew it was going to be controversial before she started talking…
One thing that really stood out about the Dance Moms reunion was how much JoJo…was out of F—s to give. In some ways, that’s admirable. After all, we were like, “good for you” when Chloe said Abby doesn’t have power over her anymore. So, if JoJo were totally coming from that same place…sure. But (sorry, not sorry) let’s talk about how out of place the “ooh, this is good” comment felt when she noticed which clip the producers were showing.
Everyone else is seemed horrified by how horrible Abby was to her, and it was just like…watching total strangers on reality TV for her. Like, she even laughed when Abby called her a “greedy, little monster.” She even mouthed along with the “she deserves nothing” scene like she was seriously looking at her favorite fictional characters squaring off, as opposed to a grown woman screaming that about a child right in front of her while she cried.
Then, there was whatever this was:
“To me, Abby was always right. I did interrupt two adults talking…”
Just because abuse is widespread in Hollywood, doesn’t mean “that’s normal.” And if being constantly on the receiving end of just…awful criticism as a child “taught [her] how to survive in the industry,” that is just a reminder that the industry is full of abuse. It does not, however, mean Abby’s “tough love” was at all normal. And no, it wasn’t even tough love. It was emotional and verbal abuse.
There also seems to be some disagreement between JoJo and her mother about why she left. Jess said it was “ultimately” her decision to leave the show…right before JoJo said she decided the Nickelodeon stuff “was going to be the right path for me.” Also concerning, actually. Is this a “Mommy decided for you and made you think you had a choice” situation? If so, yikes.
The correct take: Chloe’s. She is successful in spite of Abby.
On Abby Lee Miller’s struggles
The producer asked what the first thing was that they thought when they heard about her having cancer…right after a “she’s nuts” montage and a very brief discussion of whether or not the girls forgive her. Oh. Also something about AMC buttered popcorn. After seeing a bunch of clips of Abby struggling, Brooke started crying (same — it’s called having human empathy)…and JoJo decided to explain her feelings to her. Because she knows her so well and/or is totally an expert in psychoanalysis now, I guess.
“…because you’re seeing this, and you are not remembering the Abby that you ended with. You’re remembering the Abby that you started with.”
Anyway.
Later in the reunion, everyone discussed Abby’s prison time. Or, as Jill hilariously put it, “going through her financial troubles…with the law.” This was…way too much poking fun for something like jail time, honestly. So, throwing it back to Jill: “I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, but she was her own worst enemy.”
Enough said.
And we continue hurting these girls for “drama” and ratings…
Did we really ask the world’s dumbest question, in terms of how hard it was for them to grow up on the show? We did. So, Kalani opened up about never really having the ballerina body type and struggling with that. Which, ok. At least that gave us the cute moment with everyone telling her how beautiful and confident she is and JoJo pretending to propose.
But then, there was what happened when the girls relived some of their most impactful dances. I am so, so, so proud that Kalani wanted to let anyone in the audience know that those hotlines help and they are not alone. However. Shoving the fact that they legit triggered her in, at the end of the reunion show, in between faux drama, mocking Abby Lee Miller, and a few other deep things…just awful. Either give her the platform, or don’t. But don’t half-ass it.
Also, pro-tip: “Poor girl” is not, in any realm, the correct response to hearing about having suicidal thoughts and needing to call a hotline.
There’s also the way they ramped up the drama around whether or not Chloe’s mom supported her and her girlfriend. You know, let her talk about this “new” (at least at the time things started to change for her) relationship and being in college helping her to move on and build confidence. And then just…drop the “your mom told me that she had a difficult time with it. And that’s something that you didn’t…tell me. Said she struggled with it, and it was a little bit of a rough time” bomb to tear her back down. Plus, spread the reaction over a commercial break for maximum impact.
Because who cares whether or not seeing that scares the sh— out of other LGBTQ+ kids that, maybe, their own parents are lying about being supportive? Drama is more important!
Rage.
In the end, Christi’s problem was supposedly more about how other people would react than her being homophobic or whatever. But like. IDK. Just, maybe…don’t.
More on the Dance Moms reunion
- All I really thought during the whole “getting ready” bit was that Brooke’s closet looks like it’s…bigger than my living room.
- The onscreen social media thing is as annoying here as it is everywhere else.
- “My way of coping was just kind of forgetting about it and laughing it off. But now, being back in this atmosphere is bringing a whole bunch of emotions back up to the surface.” And what you will see, throughout this two-hour monstrosity, is there’s a lot of laughing it off still going on. All the money and success in the world can not make up for what was done to these kids. Period.
- “I can handle myself.” We know you can, Chloe. Trust us: We. Know.
- “It’s literally the stepping stone to who we are today. We would not be here without Dance Moms.” I just think that dance training that isn’t a toxic mess that tons of strangers watch for entertainment…can still get you places.
- “It’s hard to get away from Dance Moms.” Can confirm. “But I’m not running from it either.” Regrettably, also same.
- “…they weren’t my best moments.” Ok but you were a child.
- “It’s easier to cope with when you just laugh about it.” Same, but also…please actually work through this trauma with a professional if you haven’t already. Not even kidding here.
- “Was it all horrible?” “It all sucked.” JoJo Siwa with the quote of the century.
- That little montage of all the good times…was actually depressing. Look at those kids and how much fun they originally had before it all went hideously downhill.
- A whole montage of Kendall crying. Again asking why anyone would judge others for not being willing to be done dirty like this.
- “We got diagnosed with a ballet dance.”
- “And damnit, I deserve more.” “No, you deserve nothing.” Jess yelling back at a clip of Abby…in a weird reversal.
- “In everyday life, I think of Abby every day.” Kelly…I am concerned.
- “Any experience you have with her is going to create a better you.” Chloe.
- I was today years old when I heard about JoJo Siwa’s internet beef with Christi Lukasiak. And…Chloe had to deal with that and defend her mom during the reunion. JoJo: “I don’t regret it because I try not to regret anything. But…would I word it differently now? Possibly.” And Kendall and Chloe are just side-eyeing her, which like. Same.
- No, I didn’t need to see the montage of everyone forgetting their solos.
- All the girls talking about Paige’s massive contribution to “The Last Text” and how hard she had to work to sit there and not react: Correct.
- …and, Kelly, she was legit dancing. Sometimes, dance is stillness. It’s movement (or lack thereof) with intention.
- “When you want a friend, I’m out here.” Ok but, potentially staged or not, that was a good moment from JoJo.
- I’m proud of your girl, too, Kira.
- But…the way this show handled her experience was not it.
- “I’ve cried more today than I have on most episodes of Dance Moms.” “See, I can’t. Say the same.” LOL, Kendall.
- “You guys all turned out great, and you could’ve gone off the rails.” These moms would know.
- Cute ending with the “Boss Ladies” choreo…but I’m still stuck on so, so many other things.
Thoughts on the Dance Moms reunion? Did we leave out something “big”? Leave us a comment!
