Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 Review: ‘And Then There Were Nuns’

Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 takes on the creepy nun trope, and thanks to a guest appearance from Dianne Wiest as a murderous nun who just…materializes for jump scares in all the right places, the hour gets the job done. Of course, because this isn’t your usual procedural, the murder of the week has its quirks. This time around, the murderer keeps her hands — if not her habit, her hiding place, or her soul — clean. Instead of pushing her victim out of the convent’s “death trap” of a bell tower, Wiest’s Mother Constance doesn’t quite exactly commit murder directly so much as, how you say, work in mysterious ways. She tries, almost successfully, to set up the right series of (unfortunate) events to make a pop star’s untimely demise look like a tragic accident.

Unfortunately for Mother Constance, the motive is a little bit too obvious. (She wants to save the sisters’ home from being purchased out from under them and turned into a sinful spectacle for the pop star’s filthy work.) Similarly, the circumstances of Alaïa Jade’s death are just a bit too convenient. So, obviously, Elsbeth knows not to have faith in the most obvious explanation and sets out to prove that somebody murdered Alaïa.

Along the way, we spend some time getting to know the sisters and exploring that “gold light, divine and pure” that helped Mother Constance find her purpose. The murder investigation highlights a difficult truth: Sometimes, the people who are the most outspoken about their piety, and the quickest to judge others, might actually be the most corrupt and sinful themselves. Mother Constance, while the clearest example of this, isn’t alone in her corruption. The monsignor would love to be the next bishop, so he’s fine with seeing those nuns with nowhere to go. Later, when he learns the truth, he chooses to get in the way of justice.

But Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 still makes sure not to only provide doom and gloom. We get plenty of fun moments, as is usually the case on this series. In one scene, the remaining nuns — the actually good ones — get a visit from Father Garvey, whose Father Crime show they love to watch the way we all love our favorite series. Elsbeth also brings Alec Bloom, and truckloads of donations, to their food drive. And the publicity they generate actually saves the convent itself. If we look close enough at that final triumph over evil, corporate interests, though, the outlook isn’t necessarily as sunny as we’d normally expect from Elsbeth.

Although Elsbeth does care and does want to help, she also conveniently uses the food drive as a way to get back in after she’s banned from visiting the convent without a warrant. And Bloom, the “good” politician who wants everyone to know he both knows the struggle and cares? Well. He’s a whole ‘nother potential scandal.

MORE: Elsbeth Season 3 started off strong, with a two-part premiere week featuring a murdered late night host and a hostage situation inside a toy store.

Alec Bloom…taken down by (a lack of) sandwiches?

When Marissa Gold first introduced Elsbeth Tascioni to Alec Bloom and immediately orchestrated a “mysterious redhead” story about them in the press, I said she was “more her father’s daughter than ever.” In Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7, we start to see that Teddy might be about to prove he’s very, very much his mother’s son — someone who can sense when something’s off and cares about truth and justice, even if it means ruffling a lot of feathers. And, in the process, this will almost surely shake up both any remaining friendly feelings between Marissa and Elsbeth and any adorably-obvious feelings Elsbeth may be developing for Alec.

Alec likes to tell a story about Pete, the MTA conductor who’d buy him sandwiches when he’d sleep on the F Train, on all those cold nights he had nowhere else to go as an unhoused kid. Teddy’s first byline is going to be about that touching origin story, and when he tells his mom about combing through records to track down Pete, her proud “that’s my boy” is so bright, it could very much light up the whole room. When Teddy believes, after his long search, that he’s finally found the right Peter — the one who’d feed a 12-year-old around the East Broadway station around 1990 — he is beyond thrilled. But the reunion Teddy orchestrates outside the convent Alec and Elsbeth have just saved together…turns out to be kinda weird.

Pete says he doesn’t recognize Alec “at all” and seems confused, asks Teddy where “Koch” is. And while we can practically see the doubts starting to form in Teddy’s mind, Marissa calls Alec away. Elsbeth gazes at him adoringly, the candidate poses for the perfect photo op, and Peter gives a very concerned-looking Teddy that sideways glance. That’s how Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 ends, and if Teddy can read the room as well as his mom usually can, that means Alec’s heartwarming, little origin story is a lie. A lie that Teddy, if he’s not going to commit journalistic malpractice, will need to expose…which just can’t be good for his mom, her crush, or Marissa.

If the mayoral candidate seems too good to be true, perhaps it’s because he is. That seems to be the message here, and I’m wondering whether or not that’s a little bit too cynical for this particular series. Because, well, yeah. Politicians lie. In fact, they’re horrible. We are all painfully aware of this. A lot of candidates that people get super excited about, ultimately, don’t deliver on anything they promised. And, yes, there are a lot of “outsider” types that turn out to, I don’t know…have nazi tattoos, as a not-so-totally-random example.

But this is Elsbeth, where even the murders are kind of fun. (For lack of a better word.) That means that, hopefully, there will be some last-minute way to turn this story back around. To tie this back to the case of our dead pop star and wayward nun, maybe we only have a fake Pete because Mr. Hannigan wants to be connected to this larger-than-life, exciting candidate — just like the “Gem” who confessed to Alaïa’s murder because he “just wanted to be a part of her story.” And maybe there’s a real Pete out there, somewhere!

Or, perhaps, Pete was made up all along. That’s the part that I worry about because the real world is bleak enough, and Elsbeth’s best friend is already in jeopardy, and everything — even our little slice of escapism — seems to be headed down a too-dark path.

MORE: Elsbeth might think she’s started to make a new friend in Judge Crawford’s widow, but just like Bloom’s tragic backstory, that might also be fake.

More Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 reactions

• “Neglecting your duties while indulging in a little filth. What do you have to say for yourselves?” Me when I beat myself up about procrastinating.
• “What am I supposed to tell the sisters? The convent pays for Sister Ruth’s insulin, and Sister Margaret Mary, she’s 92, and she’s blind. And they’re gonna be kicked out of the only home they’ve ever known? It’s like a death sentence.” When you put it like this, I almost understand what Mother Constance does here. But only almost. There had to be other ways to save these nuns…right?
• “Shhh. No talking during the theme song.” The fangirl nuns are so much fun, and I’d like to see them again, actually. This series is so good at randomly bringing people back (see also: Father Crime!), so, let’s do it.
• Ohhh, that evil AF grin from Wiest in the background…
• (…yes, the above comment could apply to a lot of this episode. It’s specifically about the scene where Sister Darby’s washing dishes at the beginning.)
• Just saying Sister Andrea from Evil would NEVER.
• “In your pants, in your pants…”
• Can we talk about the pitch and the tone and the length of Carrie Preston’s two example “screams” and how they were much more melodic than Elsbeth singing Alaïa Jade’s song?
• I mean, if you’re a nun who’s basically committed murder, a little bit of lying is nothing in comparison, huh.
• I think with a less capable actor than Wiest playing Mother Constance, this episode wouldn’t have landed. But she makes it work.
• Example of one of Wiest’s many great, silent moments: That dark look she gives when Elsbeth points out that the sign was moved.
• Wagner’s “entrance” coming as he jerks down that “SLAYED BY THE BELL” paper is such a classic moment.
• Chair rolls over. Prayer position. “I have doubts.”
• Whenever Wendell Pierce and Carrie Preston share a scene, otherwise “normal” moments get elevated. Case in point: Wagner’s little “oh, come on” look in response to Elsbeth saying she “saw a sign,” which she quickly rushes to assure him wasn’t that kind of sign.
• Reynolds struggling through reading this girl’s poorly-written texts.
• “Well, we can’t interrogate God.” Indeed.
• “And yes, it was sexual and garish but in a self-referential and ironic sort of way. It was commentary on the commodification of girlhood.” Teddy is a true and smart fanboy.
• “See, I own Alaïa Jade, so to speak. Her masters, her image, the whole shebang…” Sills is sufficiently soulless, to the point where even Smullen is sharing those looks with Elsbeth like “WTF awful ew.”
• “Hologram concert in time for Easter…she has risen.”
• Way Late paper!
• “During prayers, I asked God to do something — anything — to stop the sale of the convent. And He must’ve heard me. Because when the clock fell six, my prayers were answered. And I feel so guilty!” “Ohh, Sister. You can’t blame yourself for having hope. right?” My heart. Both of them. My heart.
• …and the immediate lightening of the mood with the way Elsbeth sliiiides out that door.
• “Do your research, people! For God’s sakes, the woman was a genius!” This man is such a dedicated fanboy, he was willing to admit to murder and just go along with it, but getting all the facts of his fave’s life story wrong and misinterpreting her art was too much.
•  “You were willing to go to prison just to feel closer to her?” “I still would.” Ahhhh, fandom. (Kids, don’t try this at home unless it’s to be hyperbolic on the internet.)
• I love the role reversal with Mother Constance getting the jump scare when Elsbeth is the one who just…materializes after she scares off Sills.
• What if I said dude would’ve deserved it if Mother Constance had had him plummet to his death?
• “Do you believe in God, Ms. Tascioni?” “Uh…I guess I don’t know. I realllllly want to.” Check out that sharp scrutinizing look Wiest, as Constance, gives Elsbeth when she truly considers that question. And Preston plays poor Elsbeth like she’s fully disappointed in herself for not being able to just say yes.
• The mumbled “whoever-this-woman-is.”
• “The sisters choose to live their lives in quiet contemplation and prayer. Not on Sesame Street.” And poor Elsbeth looking down at her clothes and pouting…
• THE FANGIRLING OVER THIS MAN.
• “…it is amazing what a celebrity guest will do for turnout!”
• “Marissa, I told you, this isn’t a campaign photo op.” “Of course it isn’t because churches are a 501(c)(3) and can’t endorse candidates” I so, so badly want to believe Alec is the good guy here, and Marissa’s just being a Gold…
• “But I think I upset Mother Constance by being here. I feel a little guilty.” “You’ve just described my whole life.” Love that deada** delivery.
• The gossip!
• “What are you searching for?” “Uh, well, I guess I’ve been searching for a sense of purpose. To know that I’m making a positive difference in the world.” Poor Elsbeth is really just…answering this seriously and sincerely. The quick cut in from Wiest here is great: “In my belfry. What have you been searching for in my belfry.”
• That glare as Elsbeth works her way out of that corner Constance backed her into…wow.
• “A friend who takes time off the campaign trail to help you lift boxes at a church? Sure.” So, we all ship it. Which means we’re probably all doomed. Got it.
• Elsbeth with her little tablet with the 10 commandments. Genius way to use the whole religion aspect of this episode to bring everything to a close.
• Wiest’s micro-expressions during this whole reveal are about as good as it gets.
• “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
• “It was all you. I made the calls because you asked. This was all you.” Again, I say, I want to believe in him and already ship it so hard.
• Annnnd Marissa is ruining it.
• Oh…oh no.
• So much for having faith in anyone or anything.
• TL;DR Don’t stan politicians.

Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 7 ‘And Then There Were Nuns’? Leave us a comment!

Elsbeth airs Thursdays at 10/9c on CBS. The series will return on Thursday, December 4.