The Dancing with the Stars Season 33 cast has been announced, and we’re…side-eyeing the you-know-what out of it. Now, that’s not because nobody good is on the list. We would, somehow, be a bit more optimistic about a 100% hate-watch opportunity, actually. But no. They had to go and give us some names we’re really excited about, some that seem like they were an afterthought to smooth over some bad vibes, and some that…just…ruin it. So, let’s take a look.
The best part of the Dancing with the Stars cast: Pommel Horse Guy
This piece of news has been out for a minute. Honestly, we actually wish we’d reacted to it sooner because now it’s kinda tainted by some of the other announcements. But. As huge gymnastics fans, we can not wait to see what Stephen Nedoroscik does as part of DWTS Season 33. Like, at all. Stephen, an NCAA gymnastics alum — seriously, y’all, please start watching college gymnastics. Especially men’s so we quit losing program support — and pommel horse specialist becoming one of the biggest stars of the 2024 Olympics was not at all on our BINGO cards. But he deserves.
The core strength, balance, rhythm, and — yes — grace needed to create the type of routines Stephen wowed us with in Paris should all be great assets on the dance floor. Plus, any style that requires some smooth hip action ought to make him feel right at home. (Let’s just hope there are plenty of Rubik’s cubes available to help him ignore all the nonsense around him…)
Also very exciting…but probably kinda unfair
This series always seems to always include at least one contestant with a ton of dance experience. Or, eh. In more recent years, that’s been the case, at least. Feels like a thousand seasons ago, it was really, truly about pitting a bunch of celebrities with zero idea what they were doing against each other. Anyway. In Dancing with the Stars Season 33, the cast member who will likely be held to the highest standard is most certainly Chandler Kinney.
Spoiler alert: Even ABC isn’t trying to pretend Chandler Kinney isn’t a trained dancer. They mention both the Debbie Allen Dance Academy and the Los Angeles Ballet Academy in her bio. Then, there’s her acting experience in the Zombies franchise…which is a series of way-too-cute musicals that we are, kinda, unapologetically into. So, yeah. We’re expecting big things…and scores that will probably, on occasion, seem unfairly low when we compare them with what the amateurs get for much messier work.
…The Bachelorette joins DWTS Season 33 as a consolation prize?
JESSE PALMER, JENN TRAN, DEVIN
Look: Dancing with the Stars pretty much always has folks from ABC’s other long-running reality TV franchise(s) on the show. Frequently, they even do fairly well! As recently as last season, Charity Lawson even earned herself fourth place in a season where the finale was absolutely stacked. But is it a little bit odd to anyone else that we’ve got The Bachelor AND The Bachelorette in this cast? Considering the Season 33 cast announcement doesn’t even include a photo for Jenn, and considering what happened to her…this just feels like some sort of afterthought. Because, of course, tossing someone into another reality series two seconds after whatever that was totally smooths things over.
(If you can’t read the sarcasm dripping off of every part of that last sentence, hi. Sarcasm.)
Actors!
So, a couple of things. We have Tori Spelling, who we all know as Donna Martin from the OG 90210. Which, look: Huge fans back in the day…kinda meh on her now, probably because we know way too much about celebrities these days. TV dad Carl Winslow (Reginald VelJohnson) of Family Matters fame is also here. But can he best his former costar’s sixth place finish? Now, that would be an interesting story.
But really, this entire sub-section is just an excuse to be like “LOL that evil dude Charles Forstman from Suits!” Weirdly, that’s not how the DWTS cast announcement describes him. Apparently, his real name is Eric Roberts…and he’s not a crooked guy known for making bad deals who belongs in jail.
…whatever you say, ABC.
Speaking of “belongs in jail”
She literally has to wear an ankle monitor. What are we doing here? Really. Honestly. What are we doing??? A lot of people have already said all there is to say about this particular cast member. But we’re going to add one more thing to the discussion: This unfairly takes the spotlight away from the Olympians — especially our boy Clark Kent Stephen Nedoroscik — and other athletes, the actors…everyone. We kinda want to write something that rhymes with “duck this” over and over again. Because really. This is bad. Very bad.
According to ABC…
“Some view her as a cunning scam artist, while others see her as a charismatic and ambitious entrepreneur who took advantage of New York City’s social elite in an effort to open a prestigious art studio.”
Like, what? “Some view her as…” Um. Part of that “some” includes the court system, besties. But let’s just keep rewarding awful, awful behavior! It’ll generate buzz!!!!
…and, of course, horribly enough…it did generate some buzz. Even here. And it will continue to do so at the expense of whatever “journey” anyone else may be on. Congrats to whatever genius came up with this choice. It’s probably the same one that came up with Sean Spicer that one time. Ugh.
Who are you looking forward to seeing and/or dreading seeing in Dancing with the Stars Season 33? Leave us a comment!
