Heading into Doc Season 1, Episode 4 ‘One Small Step’ I wasn’t sure what to think. I knew that I didn’t feel like I could handle more of the same and whereas some felt like that, mostly it felt like growth. ‘One Small Step’ felt like moving forward all while having to face the past. Clearer heads will prevail, right?
I guess I saw this road where it didn’t have to be that hard. It didn’t have to be that drawn out, but where all of these characters stand is a lack of communication about what they are really feeling and understanding what actually happened.
I knew that at some point we were going to learn what happened to Danny. Michael wasn’t going to be able to outrun that one forever. Amy wants her answers and she’s trying her best to be patient, but she does deserve to know what happened to Danny.
Yet the people who can give her the answers also deserve to not have to revisit what they’ve been through.
It is something that is really complicated, but no part of life isn’t complicated. At least that’s what I think.
It’s just a matter of how you, as a person handle complications.
THROUGH THE EMAIL
At the end of the last episode, Amy got into her email and I think that we all are waiting to see what she finds. I am halfway scared of what she’ll find too.
I am one of those types that saves everything. Some would call it receipts, but it’s not about keeping receipts (for me), it is so that I am an expert on. Amy going through her email may be the only chance that she has to find out certain things.
What Amy is going through is complicated. It is one of those things that I do not believe that anyone would want to go through. The people around her may know what is happening, but she doesn’t. She has no clue and words don’t tell the entire story.
Words tell part of it because the inflection of tone is almost always missing. The other part of it is that sometimes the words have been edited for feelings and the feelings are the one thing that you may never be able to find again.
They were words for a time.
SOMEONE PROFICIENT
In any part of life, there are people who are miserable and people who aren’t. There are people who are mean and distant because that’s how they cope. Their coping mechanism is being guarded and angry. It’s almost as if their time matters more than another person’s time… at least to them.
There is a patient that is absolutely miserable and the only person that she likes is Amy. She wants to see her and for her to look at her case. Dr. Miller is willing to put up with her misery.
Where I get that Amy is in a position that Dr. Miller isn’t – the way that he treats her is quite frustrating. Yes, she doesn’t remember the past eight years, but that doesn’t mean that just anyone telling her about them is going to give her the right information.
Amy suggests certain tests and she’s shot down. Miller tells her that after Danny’s death, she started ordering a lot of tests that didn’t need to be done and he’s trying to help her. This in my view makes him even more disgusting. Miller is so scared that she’s going to remember his lies that he’s willing to sacrifice her.
When Amy talks to the medical examiner for instance – about Danny – he thinks she’s checking up on him. Therefore he sends an email saying that any time she wants anything people need to get permission from him.
It’s those tests though that lead Amy to find that this woman doesn’t have Alzheimer’s – as was thought. It turns out she’s got blood clots in the brain. I did cry over this because both of them found hope out of this.
The worst of things keep happening to Amy, but the best of things do too. Why? Well, because she has the chance to be a new person. She’s got an opportunity to show the best of who she is.
And who she can be.
SECRETS, LIES, AND ASTRONAUTS
When the episode opens we meet a Marine who is happy because she’s finally got her father’s ashes. She’s a devoted daughter and while she’s just taking in the moment when someone attempts to rob her.
I know we may only be on the fourth episode, but this episode – it’s the one where I found myself really starting to love the show. For a moment, we got to see another side to all of these characters and this Marine’s story made me actually like Dr. Maitra.
Dr. Maitra hasn’t always seemed to know how to relate to anyone. Well, she didn’t know how to at all, but this patient, she was able to relate to and find a common ground. She has shown that she is a good doctor and one who wants to be able to save her patients. She wants to be a good doctor.
She just happens to be somewhat of a sucky human being.
As the story of the marine and the military police unfolds, Dr. Maitra and Dr. Coleman are doing everything they can to have their patients back. She’s done things that she shouldn’t have done. She’s taken steroids that she should have never taken. She’s afraid of losing her position, as she’s in training to be an astronaut.
The hospital is willing to go back and forth to protect her, as the military believes they can get her to their hospital and she will be fine. The thing is though – she’s awaiting a court martial for failure to appear.
Wanting to serve your country is one of the most honorable things that anyone can do. Wanting to serve is something that we all can learn from. But when you are sacrificing who you are to please someone else, it’s when you have to wonder what you are doing. This marine is sacrificing everything to go to space because that’s what her Dad would have wanted.
But what she’s done in the meantime is she’s put herself in a position that her body may never recover from.
The way that the team comes together to protect her, it’s heartwarming. But even more so than that – the lessons of those involved and the things that they take away from the experience are important.
The marine is saved, and she’s sent back to the base. But what she has learned is that she was pushing herself too hard and that there are other ways to honor her father.
MUSEUMS AND HEARTBREAK
I’ve said from the beginning that Michael is my favorite character on this show and he’s now also the person that I feel the most for. Yes, there were moments in this episode where I really disliked him, but he’s the one character that I have found has so much growth and redemption.
He’s a character who has put everyone else before him and has never gotten the closure that he needs. The closure that he deserves. Michael has sheltered blame for everything that has happened in his and Amy’s relationship, but he’s not the person who needs to shelter that blame.
Carrying the blame for someone else’s death – especially your child’s – sounds like a nightmare that no one can really ever recover from.
He doesn’t want to talk about Danny, because he was there when Danny died. He was blamed by Amy for his death. Danny threw up and Michael had thought it was car sickness. Turns out it was more, and Amy blamed him. They both are doctors and she wanted to know why he didn’t see the signs.
Why didn’t he save their son?
Michael breaking down in the museum broke me. I found myself in tears and wanting to hug him. I wanted Amy to be able to put him at ease and for her to realize that no one is to blame. She owed him more and made him carry that burden and blame, it was not right.
I am hoping that having this moment will allow Michael to move forward. Do I know that I should be wishing for more for both of them? Well, that is an opinion and one that I may get to. It’s just right now, he’s carried it all and I want him to feel a little less pain.
Everyone deserves to feel less pain. You will never not feel the pain of losing someone you love, it’s just that you somehow grow around it. Opening that wound over and over again can and does destroy you.
OTHER THOUGHTS
- Michael breaking down on Amy – about died
- Katie and Amy bonding – I cried
- Michael wants to protect everyone and I get that, but he’s legit going to drive himself insane
- Katie getting her Mom seeing her was beautiful
- Dr. Miller is the worst
- Look, I really want Dr. Heller and Amy to find their way back to each other
- TJ having his drop the mic moment was everything!
Doc airs Tuesday nights on Fox.
