Movie Review: “Murder on the Orient Express”

Full disclosure, I saw Murder on the Orient Express prior to it’s release and was supposed to have this review up prior to the release. But, honestly, I had trouble with it. A lot of trouble with it. Words couldn’t come to me and I wondered if I was writing mean things because my hatred for Johnny Depp knows no bounds. Regardless if he’s a phenomenal actor, we all know his sorted past and the allegations.

And I’m sorry, I don’t forget that shit.

But I had to sit and think. I love, love this cast. It’s part of the reason that I wanted to see this movie. I wanted to bask in the greatness of so many phenomenal actors and really enjoy the movie. One can’t overlook the fact that it was a Kenneth Branagh movie and those are always beautiful.

The truth is after sitting with the film for a bit and really thinking about all the things that I felt about it, I had the same conclusion. I didn’t enjoy Murder on the Orient Express. Not because of the acting – because that was great. It wasn’t because of the way it was shot, because that was beautiful. Every setting, every costume, everything in this movie was meticulously put together. Visually it was beautiful to look at.

I can appreciate that.

But I was bored out of my mind. It’s not a bad time to look at pretty things, but the truth is – I felt like I was at a museum or a dinner party where they tried to make you solve a mystery.

Only, there was no food.

I will tell you that the acting was amazing. I mean but with a cast that include Michelle Pfeiffer, Johnny Depp, Daisy Ridley, Josh Gad, Derek Jacobi, Judi Dench, Penelope Cruz, and many more, can we really doubt that.

The pacing was off. I was waiting for someone to tell me that I had been punked and was actually watching a sequel to The Pink Panther. I would have rather watched that.

Murder on the Orient Express is a train you should be happy to skip. Or get really damn drunk to be able to sit through it.

The movie is in theaters now.


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