How does one figure out their place in the world when everything is complicated and overwhelming? You don’t.
I will admit that the best thing about Never Have I Ever is that I really don’t know what’s happening next. The way that everyones life unfolds is sometimes scary, but sometimes this rude awakening that makes you rethink decisions that you have made.
Figuring out where you belong and the things that you should do when you are a teenager isn’t an easy thing.
But for Devi, her feelings and insecurities and hope to find where she fits in it is showing at every turn. But I don’t find that to be a bad thing. Because if there is one thing that we know about Devi is that she needs to have something break in order to finally deal with her feelings.
We start this episode with Devi choosing to help Paxton instead of being there for Eleanor. But what was Paxton’s big emergency? Well that would be that his sister needs a model for her photo shoot. She’s applying to medical school and needs to photograph her line.
Devi has thought that she can be there for everyone, but she quickly notices that she can’t. She knows that she should be there for Eleanor, she knows that her “Americas Next Top Model” moment isn’t necessary.
Yet, Devi can’t help it. She finds herself there, trying to be there. She’s ignoring Fabiola’s messages.
And this is where you need to learn – don’t share your locations with friends – cause it gets you caught. Fabiola was able to locate her at Paxton’s and call her out on it.
Now, I agree that Devi could just be a better friend – cause that’s more important. BUT I think Devi keeps thinking that she can rely on them forgiving her. Yet, there are only so many times that you can be forgiven when you keep repeating the same actions.
Eleanor was falling apart. Eleanor has lost her will to keep acting. Her Mom leaving has really hurt her.
Which one can’t blame her for. I would be destroyed too.
This causes Eleanor to quit the school play and trade out her usual clothing for looking like a park ranger at all times. But not only has she lost her Mom, she’s also lost Devi. Because of Devi not being there for them and all the shit that keeps happening – Eleanor and Fabiola decide to take a friendship break from Devi.
I don’t really think that there is a such a thing as a friendship break – we’re not Ross and Rachel. You work through your issues. You figure shit out.
But for Devi, this is something that is changing her, but she does what she does best. She compartmentalizes her feelings. She’s so good at shoving shit down to the depths of her soul. Even her therapist can’t get her to admit that she’s scared of loosing her friends. She’s scared of loosing anyone.
Devi is always determined to prove that she is fine and that she is above what people think. She yells at her therapist and tells her that she doesn’t want to see her anymore.
Devi is an expert at pushing people away, because she doesn’t like to deal with feelings. She can’t run from them forever though. She’s going to have to face the reality of what is happening in her life and if she doesn’t she’s going to drive everyone away.
When she can’t trick her Mom into letting her go to Ben’s birthday party, she manages to blackmail Kamala into letting her go. See, Kamala sneaks Steve into the house and Devi catches them making out in Kamala’s room and this is the perfect opportunity to get what she wants.
Kamala takes her to the party and tells her that she needs to be home by 11. They need to beat Devi’s Mom home. It’s super important, because they both need to stay out of trouble.
And guys – my OTP – Ben and Devi – lord, I love them. Ben looks so happy when Devi comes in. He may be drunk, but the way he looks at her is just so comforting and I just want them to be together.
And when Ben takes her to the theater to show it to her, I can’t stop smiling. Young love is just so cute. And you know when you are drunk real feelings come out. Ben tries to kiss her – not once, but twice.
And it becomes a little awkward. But I want them together so I am rooting for them to get past the awkward.
But lets get back to the friend thing. Devi’s been a shitty friend, so when she tries to stop Fabiola from drinking the punch that Trent stuck his balls in, was she being a good friend? Yes. But not to Fabiola, because Fabiola just wanted a day without Devi drama. She just wanted to have fun.
She didn’t want to accidentally out herself to the entire school (which she did). She didn’t want to be covered in red crap. She didn’t mean for Devi to fall in the pool. Fabiola unleashing her wrath on Devi honestly was long overdue.
I appreciated it. I also appreciated that this made Eva talk to Fabiola and Fabiola seemed happy.
Devi is having issues with her friends and it’s a lonely thing. But her friends remind her of the worst day of her life. She isn’t dealing with her Dads death, so she isn’t sure how to deal with them.
And then there is Paxton. The guy that didn’t know who she was when her Dad was alive. The guy who doesn’t remind her of loosing the person that she loved the most in the world – her Dad.
Paxton is there to get her dry clothes and give her a ride home. He’s the person she lets her guard down with for a hot second and then she can put it back up with. Paxton doesn’t know her – so she can be anyone that she wants to be.
Anyone but herself.
So for her, Paxton is a safe place. Until he kisses her. Because when he does, her entire thought process changes and awakens something in her.
This whole night has made a suppressed memory return and Devi remembers telling her father that she hated him when she returns home to the ghost of her father.
Devi is processing things in her unique way – but it’s not healthy. She’s obviously not been able to face certain things in her life – including anything that has to do with the last time she saw her father. Up until this moment – everything has been sweet and loving – as if her father was perfect.
Who knows if she’s processing correctly, but she is processing. And for Devi – it’s a start. The flood gates are starting to open and everything that Devi has suppressed is coming to the surface.