Season reviews are just so boring. I mean by the time you get to them, you’ve read every single individual episode review. You know what the reviewer likes, hates, and so on and so forth.
And so instead of you reading 5000 words on why Rudy Pankow and Jonathan Daviss are gifts and Charles Easton has range, we’re doing a report card.
Sure, we all hated them as kids, but I am a grown ass adult I am used to them. So lets break down this season with the good, the bad, and the doesn’t really matter, but I am going to comment on it anyways.
John B
John B should have the name trouble, because it seems to follow him where ever he goes. It’s like a magnet to him. But the thing is that John B has a lot of shit happen to him that is beyond his control. He doesn’t want drama, it just seems to follow him because of who he loves.
Sarah Cameron.
John is loyal, giving, and caring. He loves hard and he loves deep. But that scares him and he doesn’t know how to open up. He feels like everyone leaves him and that means he con’t allow anyone in. He returns from the dead with the grandeur and badassness that he went out with.
But that also means that he doesn’t put others first in some instances (the instances where revenge happens for his father) and that’s gonna cause him some headaches. But like all mean, his head can go on straight when the one they love saunters in front of them.
All in all, John B has grown from season one. We wouldn’t kick him out of bed and we’d definitely go on adventures with him. He just needs to open up a little bit more.
Side Note: John B gets extra credit on story line due to wrestling an alligator.
Emotional Vulnerability | C+ |
Storyline | B |
Hair and Clothing Style | C |
Communication | C |
Kick Ass Ability | B |
Wouldn’t Kick Him Outta Bed | B |
Abs Of A God | A |
Friendship Worthiness | A+ |
Ship Factor | A+ |
Surviving Jail | A+ |
Facing Alligators | A- |
Kissability Factor | A+++ |
Sarah Cameron
Sarah, dear Sarah… let’s work on getting ourselves out of situations where we don’t look like we pulled our clothing out from the bottom of the lake.
Sarah loves John B, and we don’t blame her. He’s a good guy. He’s got a good heart. She’s also got a crazy family that she should distance herself from.
For being part of a psycho family and having a brother and father who wanna kill her… well, she’s a survivor. Like Destiny’s Child level survivor. And for that Sarah gets extra credit points.
We ship Sarah and John B so hard that we’re willing to overlook the stupid moves that these two make.
Girl is a survivor, an innovator, can take a bullet, and can survive wearing clothes that smell like ass (we’re guessing).
She is there for her friends no matter what. I mean, let’s all be honest, if we saw our boyfriend being eaten by an alligator, would we dive in the water? Probably not. But we’d do what we had to.
Sarah has overcome a lot but she remains loyal and for that we’ll always love her. Just do us a favor – make no decisions that allow Topper into the narrative Sarah. You can do better.
Emotional Vulnerability | A |
Storyline | B- |
Hair and Clothing Style | D |
Communication | B+ |
Bitchiness | C |
Friendship Worthiness | A+ |
Ship Factor | A+ |
Kicking An Alligators Ass | A |
Shade Ability | A+ |
Making Boys Drool Factor | A- |
Kiara
If anything and everything can go wrong for anyone – it is Kiara. Girl does not get a break. Bit if you’ve ever met anyone who is a kick ass friend, accepts the moments, and lives – it’s her. Now, we don’t like the way she treated Pope and wanted to be “just friends” when we didn’t think that is what she wanted.
Kiara is like this spitfire – filled with energy and light. She risks herself and her security in order to make sure that her friends are okay.
Stubborn and strong – we’re giving her the best style this season. She always looked put together and for that we’re like yes! Also we kinda wanna steal her style.
But we also want her with Pope.
Emotional Vulnerability | C |
Storyline | B |
Hair and Clothing Style | A |
Communication | D |
Bad Assness | A |
Friendship Worthiness | A+ |
Should Be With Pope | A |
Not Listening to Parents Factor | A+ |
Taking One For The Team | B+ |
Pope
Pope had amazing growth this season. He’s not just a friend, he’s this strong individual with fearlessness. He’s devoted to his family and friends. He’s badass and to be honest, I don’t think that any of them could survive without Pope.
We’re so glad that Pope was giving a storyline this season that allowed us to see the character growth as well as JD’s acting ability.
This man was vulnerable, fearless, and ready to kick ass at every and any moment. What killed me is that when he was open and the more open that he became with people, the more he is let down.
Pope deserves to have his family history told. He deserves to have the pieces of his history. He deserves for his friends to be safe. He deserves for his Dad to be safe.
Pope is a good dude and the extent that he will go to for his friends and his family is beautiful.
Pope is a good friend. Pope is a good man. Pope deserves the best.
The highlight of this season has been seeing his story line. And also his reaction after getting the shot of epinephrine.
Emotional Vulnerability | A |
Storyline | A+ |
Allergic Reaction Factor | A+ |
Communication | C |
Stunts | B- |
Friendship Worthiness | A+ |
Can He Be Mine? | A- |
Clue Decipher Ability | A+ |
Kissability Factor | A+ |
JJ
It’s always hard to see a character you love not get the storyline he deserves. JJ is always willing to do whatever it takes for his friends, because he’s a good man. But the saddest thing is that JJ doesn’t have a family that would be willing to do that for his. His Dad breaking free from prison and then expecting his to get him out of there? And JJ doing it?
NEVER BEEN SO MAD!
JJ has wild ideas, but he literally is the most loyal person ever. He feels like he’s not worthy, but JJ is so worthy.
We hope that JJ gets a better storyline next season, cause he deserves it.
JJ is glue that holds all these people together and we love it.
Emotional Vulnerability | A+ |
Storyline | C |
Hair and Clothing Style | C |
Communication | C |
Stunts | A |
Friendship Worthiness | A+ |
Ship Factor | A |
Willingness To Break The Law | A+ |
Kissability Factor | A+ |
Ward Cameron
Look up psycho and here is Ward. He’s insane. There are not enough words to describe our hatred for this man. He’s straight up insane.
But that being said, he kept you on your toes. He made you wonder if he was good or was bad. But the fact he faked his death, chose his psycho son, and robbed everyone – go fuck yourself Ward.
He’s lucky that John B let him live, especially after he tried to kill Sarah.
He’s such an asshole.
We hate him so much!
Emotional Vulnerability | D |
Storyline | A |
Loosing His Fucking Mind | A |
Communication | F |
Ability to Be Selfish | A |
In Desperate Need of A Bitch Slap | A+ |
Liar Liar Pants on Fire | A+ |
Cruelty | A+ |
Sociopath | A+ |
Rafe
Rafe was in need of prozac, xanax, and dry shampoo, but avoided them like the plague. It kinda worries us about his hygiene practices, but we feel like that’s the least thing that we should worry about.
As much as we hate Rafe, we were loving every second of his story line. Like everyone on this cast, you were emotionally invested in every single moment, move, and action they took. Our emotions for Rafe are hatred, but they are strong.
He’s honestly one of the best acted characters on this show. He’s the kind that makes you love him, but then realize you aren’t drunk enough to love him. But you’re sober enough to hate him.
Emotional Vulnerability | F |
Storyline | B |
Use of Dry Shampoo | F |
Communication | F |
Obsession With Sarah | B |
Friendship Worthiness | F |
Paranoia | A |
Brother of the Year | F |
Likeliness to be ALONE Forever | A |
Deputy Shoupe
To be honest, Shoupe was a confusing character. Part of us wanted to trust him, but part of us was like ya, you suck. But he definitely kept us on our toes and ended up choosing the law and upholding it.
Still don’t like him. He talks down to everyone.
But we feel like Shoupe is going to be the one that brings everyone down eventually. Hopefully he’ll get Kiara out of the wilderness camp and tell her parents she did good.
Emotional Vulnerability | F |
Storyline | C |
Trustworthiness | F |
Communication | F |
Ability to Follow the Law | F |
Ability to Enforce the Law | C |
Rose
Shady bitch. Gold digger. Manipulative c-u-next-tuesday. We hate Rose. She’s the shadiest person here and we’re not sure why yet. But we feel like there will be more that comes out about her, and we’re here for whatever that is.
As long as she goes down with Ward. Cause bitch deserves some cuffs on her arms and we’re not talking the Hermes ones.
Emotional Vulnerability | F |
Storyline | C |
Life as a Stepmom | F |
Communication | F |
Money Hungry Gold Digger | A |
Friendship Worthiness | F |
Ability to forgive CRAZY | A |
Should Allow People to Push Her Overboard | A |
Wheezie
We don’t know much about Wheezie. She’s under developed and under used in this story. She needs to be more than the token kid sister and the nerdy kid sister. Give Wheezie a story line and don’t make her like her Dad or Brother.
Emotional Vulnerability | A |
Storyline | F |
Hair and Clothing Style | C |
Communication | C |
Want For Attention | A |
Like Other Cameron’s | C |
Topper
Just go away. Enough said.
Emotional Vulnerability | F |
Stage 5 Clinger | A |
Ability to Talk Shit | A |
Ability to Take A Hint | F |
Ability to Move On | F |
Friendship Worthiness | F |
Ship Factor | F |
Limbrey
We kinda were hoping she would go away, because we don’t get this chick. Admire the faith in her, but we’re thinking that the higher the hair the closer to God, has gone to her head. She’s a thief. She’s a bitch. She is a crazy woman.
But with this ending, and the way that it could go – Lord help us all. She’s gonna protect John B, we can get with that. But some shroud… nope. If she doesn’t get Pope his cross back – bitch can go wherever Ward goes.
And hopefully that’s to swim with sharks.
Emotional Vulnerability | None |
Storyline | B |
Texas Style Hair | A |
Communication | D |
Clothing Style | C |
Worthiness of People Listening | F |
Crazy Factor | A |
Will Be In Jail | A |
Delusional Factor | A |