It’s been a minute since we last checked in with Law & Order: Organized Crime star Christopher Meloni. But his latest appearance on Late Night with Seth Meyers has us thinking. As a surprise to no one, the thinking we’re doing isn’t exactly, how you say…pure. We’d be embarrassed, but something tells us we’re not alone. Sure, we should probably be a little bit disappointed that the interview only included footage from Organized Crime 3×12, as opposed to something to get us ready for the next episode. But after that moment from SVU suffered more from promoting a version of the scene that didn’t even air than from its actual content, we’re good. Just this once, we’ll take “Meloni talks partying with Meloni and relives commercials with the rules for dating Meloni” instead.
Just kidding.
We’re always here to talk about the man instead of his show, too. How could we not be when he looks like that? And yeah, we can relate to the person at the club who basically did a “we’re not worthy” in his direction when he showed up. (Or so Meloni said in this interview. Who knows? Maybe it’s the “oversized ego” again…)
So, here’s where we should blush and hide our faces — but just won’t. Aside from the usual thirst that comes as the result of any exposure to this man — even indirectly, through the TV. He’s a walking dehydration hazard, ok? — we’re suddenly craving…fast food. You see, during the interview, Seth showed two little nuggets from Meloni’s past: A Burger King commercial, which prompted the actor to tell a story about getting a manicure with polish, and a McDonald’s commercial. In the former, before he was Zaddy, Chris took a big ol’ bite of burger in a way that…eh, probably shouldn’t work for us but…guilty.
(Remember when we said we should be embarrassed but aren’t? It gets better worse.)
Then, in the latter, a young Christopher Meloni told his scene partner, “if you want to go out with me, we will not be going to any restaurant which refers to itself as bistro, casa…we will be going to McDonald’s. Afterwards, we’ll catch a movie. Not a play, not the opera, not the symphony, not the ballet. It’ll be me, McDonald’s, movie…” Then, he tells the potential date she can think it over while he’s out in his car, and all we’ve got to say here is we don’t need to think. We’re totally sold on this cheap date. You had us at “me,” Mr. Meloni. You. Had. Us. At. Me.
He also joked, while making fun of the McDonald’s commercial with Meyers, that “women like strong men” or whatever. Which, eh…if those strong men are like him? Absolutely. Otherwise, maybe not. But we really don’t care because we’ll be over here, thinking about how grabbing McDonald’s and/or Burger King will bring us one degree closer to one half of the world’s most exhausting slow burn that guy from the Peloton ad.
Oh, and for what it’s worth, we’re surprised we even made it to the fast food part without passing out from seeing Meloni stick out that tongue of his while tossing the “I love you” sign (or was it supposed to be the horns? Sir, the horns don’t typically show the thumbs, but we’ll respect our elders here…) What we’re saying here is we’re pretty sure EO fanfiction already makes great use of Elliot Stabler’s tongue, but something tells us it’s going to be starring in even more stories after that.
Anyone else got a craving for burgers after Christopher Meloni’s appearance on Late Night with Seth Meyers? Make sure to drink plenty of water!
Late Night with Seth Meyers airs weeknights at 12:35/11:35c on NBC. And, of course, you can always catch Meloni on Law & Order: Organized Crime Thursdays at 10/9c (also on NBC).
