The events in Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 “Conspiracy vs. Theory” range from tense to downright panic-inducing. The hour marks the first time Voit has worked directly with the BAU and is, frustratingly, out of his cell. As we saw at the end of the previous episode, Voit’s here to help make contact with Damien — the UnSub previously believed to be Gold Star, though we now know that’s more of a program than a person. On top of all of that we also have to worry about Prentiss (again) because of…whatever Brian Garrity is up to that is also, somehow, connected to the whole mess.
So, yeah. As we said at the top: Tense…to panic-inducing. It’s easy to see why those would be adjectives to describe this episode…which also manages to be far, far more fun than it has any business being. But, “Conspiracy vs. Theory” is a very fun episode. Because, as it so happens, having the world’s biggest troll of a serial killer tag along with your faves is entertaining as hell.
The world’s most awkward trip on the jet
The thing about Elias Voit coming to the BAU is, we’re supposed to be like, “this is very bad.” Which, ok. It is very bad, and we do spend most of Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 wondering when the other shoe will drop. But as we mentioned in the intro, it’s also just…a blast having him here. Even some of the parts we love — like the way Voit taunts Rossi when he first shows because Elias notices Dave’s the only person not waiting for him with looks that should very much have ended him — are really things we should be a lot more upset about than we actually are. But still. Zach Gilford plays this guy as so annoying, such an ass, yes. But he’s also…someone who is enjoying himself so very much, we can’t help but join Elias in being utterly thrilled that he’s here.
One of our absolute favorite parts of “Conspiracy vs. Theory” involves Voit being an overgrown toddler, right along with Penelope being, well, Penelope. Bonus: Luke joins in on the jokes. Obviously, we’re referring to the whole “you smell” gag that Elias then uses to his advantage to annoy Penelope later on. But really, the entire…mutual bullying session, we’ll call it, in Garcia’s tech wonderland (or office, or whatever) is comedy gold. Every single face Kirsten Vangsness makes is basically a whole mood. The whole thing, even before she starts the kind of child-like — yet, somehow, far more mature than Voit behaves during most of the episode — “ew, stinky” of it all, is simply a lesson in “how to show you can not stand your current situation in as many ways as possible.” And a laugh-out-loud one at that.
But at the same time…we kinda love Voit. Because he knows exactly which buttons to push and how. (Ok. That feels gross. Love to hate him, is probably the better way to put it. But, uh. Yeah.) At times, it’s almost possible to even forget he’s a grown man responsible, both directly and indirectly, for a ton of murders. Because he really just acts like a kid who has never been disciplined in his life and wants friends very badly, yet has no clue how to even people. At one point in Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05, dude even fanboys over the jet and gets to drop a “wheels up.”
So, uncomfortable question time: Is Elias Voit….us? Because he’s totally losing his mind (what little of it there is) over seeing that thing in “real” life, and we can’t exactly fault him for that. He also…totally hears how loud Garvez are. So, that’s also a plus. The problem is, the way he tries to make them into cheap gossip during the flight to Iowa is just a hard NO from us. Hurting Penelope Garcia is, in fact, always a hard NO. There’s probably even a law somewhere that says so; if there isn’t, there should be. She is just so…the helpless way she turns toward Tara…WHY WOULD YOU. Evil, even for him.
“So, why don’t you do us all a favor and shut the f*ck up.”
‘Nuff said from JJ and wonderfully just…simultaneously emotionless and “I-have-had-it” delivery from A.J. Cook. Would not have put it past JJ (or really anyone on that plane) to find a way to murder that man mid-flight. And as much as his antics are mostly hilarious to watch and all, we might’ve cheered if it happened.
Careful what you wish for, Voit
Well. Voit wanted Dave, and he got Dave — punching him in the face, as he deserved. And everything in Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 that leads us to that point — from Dave and Emily’s profiling scenes mixing with basically everything they discuss actually happening, to Rossi’s entrance and pointing that finger at Voit to tell him he’ll be “going on the goddamn jet,” to that tense scene in the park — makes what would have already been a satisfying moment even better. Out of everything, though, Agent Rossi choosing to slowly get up out of his seat and go sit across from the man who almost killed him, right in front of everybody and with nowhere for either of them to go, might just be the best part. (Or, eh. The best non-punching part. Whatever.)
When Voit “confesses” to Rossi, Gilford lays on the faux sincerity so thickly. But he also makes it abundantly clear with the particular way his voice lifts on “so scared” that Voit just can’t help himself from being kinda a d*ck. And all of it is just a setup for him to say (and not mean) he’s sorry. Everyone — us included — knows better than to get their hopes up for a true confession, but we all still prepare for it anyway. And, when he says nothing of use, the way the team just deflates is wonderful work from everyone.
But it’s the particular way Joe Mantegna and Zach Gilford work together that elevates all of the above. They are just, to steal from my notes here, “SO SO SO SOS SOSOSOSOOSOS good them together.” (Look: Sometimes, we’re in too much of a hurry and too excited to hit the space bar, ok? Ok.) When Voit brings up the shipping container, the way Mantegna’s eyes reveal just a bit of Rossi’s lingering trauma, only for him to then just immediately lock back in to The Agent Rossi we know and love, is such a great touch. And after a season of him sitting there and having to flat out ignore everything his scene partner says, finally getting to see Mantegna react while keeping the character so incredibly in control of things is kinda perfect.
Then, there’s this, complete with the way Mantegna slowly leans in before delivering it:
“I’ll let ya know. On the way home.” [Insert the wink and finger guns here.]
Inject it in our veins, actually. So, so, so, so, so, so, so so good indeed. Later, when Voit’s chance to run comes, he ultimately chooses not to. Why? Because he remembers Rossi’s response to his supposed apology — and Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 is kind enough to remind us. (Very grateful that they brought the finger guns back so we could enjoy them all over again here, actually.) Everything is shot and edited as if Rossi and Voit are actually staring each other down before the thorn in the BAU’s side makes his decision, which adds a whole extra layer to the ultimate build up.
“Apology accepted.”
Add in the condescending pat on Voit’s cheek and everyone else’s reactions…and yeah. The moment just…hits. (Pun both intended and not.)
Just saying this was rude
The parts of Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 that directly relate to our two main Gold Star UnSubs are exactly what they need to be. Because we’re only at the halfway point of the season, there was no way the Elias/Damien park meetup was ever going to create anything other than more trouble. So, no, we’re not surprised the BAU failed to really get Damien and Jade. In fact, a lot of what we see in the park scenes is, essentially…”classic procedural,” we’ll call it. But the stakes are higher here, and the case has taught us to expect the unexpected. Which means, especially with the kind of paranoia we’re dealing with here, that Damien not showing up at the prescribed place and time shouldn’t be a twist.
…and yet.
The van barreling through the park is a shocker. But when the man steps out with a bomb strapped to his chest, that initial shock is, like…nothing compared to that. Then, to have Rebecca and Penelope watching as Tara and Luke are in that situation…just…the stress and drama that creates is almost too much to bear. And while we could predict that nothing would be solved at the season’s midpoint, losing someone is never off the table with this type of case. So, even as it’s yet another chance to sit back and be like “these characters are such BAMFs,” it’s also legitimately terrifying to think something could go wrong and take away either one of them. Especially knowing what it will do the others — JJ, who’s hanging back with Penelope and Rebecca but having to make so many life-or-death decisions while still not totally herself, included.
To be honest, we’re not even sure who delivers the best performance during that horrible, horrible situation. Is it Adam Rodriguez, as he plays a Luke who is very much having to trust his gut when the random wearing the explosive vest needs help, then must remain calm and methodical — while acting with urgency to relay information about the wiring to Penelope? What about Aisha Tyler? How can we not love how she gives us a Tara who is so very determined — and gives Voit that scathing and wary side-eye when she makes the decision to stay “on the line” (as JJ puts it)? Both Rodriguez give us so much, especially since both actors also make sure we see the little signs of fear underneath. And we get way too close to losing them, so perhaps anything we say about the park scenes should be all about them.
But the second that bomb shows up, Rebecca makes it very clear that she’s, uh…compromised. Because, as written, the character isn’t acting completely the way someone with her job should. And Nicole Pacent‘s performance is not about someone doing a job either — it’s about knowing she may very well be watching the woman she loves in her last moments. Everything is about the emotion, not the action; and the way she closes her eyes and sags after Tyler’s “I’m staying” line is a punch to the gut. Just saying: It’s a lot.
For all Penelope’s obvious fear for Luke during all of this, Vangsness wows us most with how the character responds to a job well done. Specifically, we’re pretty enamored with that smile as Garcia finishes her magic and says, “there.” If Penelope Garcia is the BAU’s ray of sunshine, then the obvious way to explain the way that expression takes over her face is to say it’s like we’re watching the sun itself slowly come out from behind some very dark clouds.
All of the above, as we’re just like “HER EYES” and “HELP JJ” every time we see Cook on screen. Because, really, they say it all. She has to deal with this awful anxiety. Because the operation could go very, very wrong — and they have very, very little time to make sure it doesn’t. Rather, she doesn’t have much time because she is making the calls.
And don’t get us started on everyone’s relief when this thing turns out ok.
TL;DR Big fans.
Now, the other twist: Elias Voit and Damien Booth in the van. It’s another one of those “oh, we should’ve seen it coming. Didn’t” plot points for Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05. Like, obviously, they were going to find a way. And, all along, Voit kept telling us that the “North Star” conspiracy theory would be enough to hook Damien. But was he telling us just enough truth, combined with the “it’s nothing” lie? Not even putting our theory out into the universe for fear it’ll make it happen…but that sadistic grin when Voit gets locked back up…uh…Nothing good can come of this.
Speaking of not good
Another twist: After wasting all that time being worried we’d lose a BAU member in Iowa, Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 took Emily away from us. Just…why. WTF. Nope. We are not doing this. Absolutely not.
Are Paget Brewster and Paul F. Tompkins’ interrogation scenes superb? Sure. The decision to have Emily go in there as, well, Agent Prentiss and have Brian Garrity completely throw her off her game is fascinating. So is the content of their conversation and how it raises the questions of whether or not Prentiss is starting to go down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole of her own Garrity also has a difficult to hear point when he asks how she can call herself “one of the good guys” if she’s willing to get her way through sketchy means. And we are forever here for Emily Prentiss calling someone a useful idiot in Russian. (Or saying anything in any language, really.)
But no. We’re not doing this.
That final scene between Brewster and Mantegna, where Emily turns the BAU over to Dave, is just too much. As in, it just hurts way too much. Prentiss is forced into this position because of her bogus arrest record being leaked to the press, which is bad enough. But after the disagreement she and Rossi had at the beginning of “Conspiracy vs. Theory,” we also know this is very much a last resort. Because Dave isn’t Dave right now either, not completely — and we know she knows that. But…neither is the rest of the team. On top of that, Emily does feel guilty about some of the things she’s done, or threatened to do, after her arrest.
And my God, the way she breaks down.
We are not doing this.
No.
Prentiss fighting back tears as she tells Rossi he has to take over, then turning away after the (gutting) “every value I hold dear” line to compose herself is heartbreaking enough. But then, Rossi reaches out so tentatively to give her some comfort…and she completely shatters. The whimpering — not just ours! Dave’s hushed “it’s ok, it’s ok.” The hug, her hands…It’s all so gorgeously done, including the way the camera pulls back to show them still having that long, painful goodbye.
But also: No. Absolutely not. We are not doing this.
More on Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05
- Voit being, like, right up in our faces as he comes off that elevator: Neat.
- “Dave, come onnnnnn!!!” My dude is whining.
- If Voit were a real person, I’d be sending him a meme of Regina George being all, “why are you so obsessed with me” with Rossi’s head on it right now.
- Ahh, the hand on the steamed-up car windows. A classic.
- “When have we ever been able to trust anyone, Damien?” Kid has a point.
- Can not believe how quickly we went from Emily having to bench Dave, even hating having to point out he’s been talking to himself to get it done…to the end. Rude.
- “Does anyone else…” And her non-answer is everything.
- Why is this MF sitting at Dr. Spencer Reid’s desk, swiveling back and forth in that chair like that? Kill.
- Luke’s facepalm speaks for all of us.
- “Awww, come on Elias. You can’t bluff for a minute? You’ve been bluffing you’re not Sicarius for a month.” Tara is done. And Aisha Tyler’s delivery here is *chef’s kiss*.
- “I’ll do it. It’s not the first time I’ve crossed ethical and legal boundaries for this case.” Ok but why would you say that in front of him.
- Quick: Someone get me a clip of the whole room saying “NO” in unison. I need to use it as, basically, my entire commentary on the end scene.
- “What? The online bulletin board where people post their not-so-secretly racist opinions.”
- “Hey. Hands off, a*shole. Put it down.” “No. That’s ok. I was gonna burn that mug.” I love Luke as Penelope’s protector/enforcer and her as a total queen of snark.
- “What’s up with you two? Because there is a vibe.” Heartbreaking: The worst person you know just made a great point. (Now, do Jemily.)
- “…no — nope! I can’t. Stay in here…You smell.” “Not a lot of showers in solitary.” “No. That’s not what I mean. It’s like you pooped yourself.” “Yeah. she’s not lying, man. I mean, you…you reek.” “No showering, I get. But not wiping? Eww.” This show is a comedy. These people get to goof off like this for a living!
- “Is that enough to…improv for 90 seconds?” GET HIM EMILY. “I…will…talk…slowly.” 90% of this hour is just back-and-forth disses between Voit and the BAU, huh?
- “The doctor that created him is the monster.” Heartbreaking: The worst person you know just made a great point.
- The whole “what is the difference between a conspiracy and a conspiracy theory” conversation: Imagine if, instead of being this, Elias Voit had just been, like, a professor. Or a profiler, even.
- “The longer you delay, the sooner he’ll sniff you out.” Emphasis on sniff.
- Everyone holding their breath after Voit takes over and clicks the mouse…y’all really had me there.
- “You gave him the strike team and neglected to tell us that???” “You neglected to ask me that.” Once again going to ask if Elias Voit is just a giant toddler.
- “Should I pack a toothbrush.” Leave Penelope alone.
- “How do you convince a conspiracy theorist to do whatever you want? You take them further down the rabbit hole.” But why, in hindsight, does it feel like he’s somehow telling the BAU about themselves as it relates to this case? Like, look at Emily, and listen to what Brian said to her. IDK.
- “I mean, if he were to run…” Emily Prentiss, evil genius. Confirmed.
- “TELL THE DIRECTOR THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO STOP GOLD STAR. HE’LL DO IT.” “…there you are.” Just say you have a crush on Dave and go already!
- “Same deductive work as the BAU. Just…faster.” Love how Rebecca ROLLS THOSE EYES SO HARD HER HEAD ROLLS ACROSS HER HEADREST. A MOOD.
- “Holy sh*t. I read about that in Dave’s book! That’s real?!” Literally David Rossi’s biggest stan.
- No, seriously. “Well. How did you put it in your book, Dave? …wheels up.” So true.
- “How ya doin, Brian?” Oh, it started out so hilariously…
- “Tynelope is a thing. And that drives Luke crazy.”
- “I haven’t thought about you at all.” Sir.
- “I AM ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS”
- Love the progression from how messed up JJ was in the previous episode to now. She’s still very guarded. Her anxiety level is just a touch bit higher than it might normally be during the bomb situation. And yet…still way more like herself. Well done.
- “Straight for the guy on the bench. Was that you.” “…yeah.” It’s giving “sorry, not sorry.”
- “I wouldn’t exactly call them friends.” Extremely sing-song Voit imitation voice: He wants to.
- “You know, deep down, you. Are your own protector.” I am in this photo and I do not like it.
- Anyone else having flashbacks to end of Season 3/beginning of Season 4 with Morgan or are you normal.
- “Hey. F*ck are you doing? What’s your deal?” And finally, Luke lets off some steam. (Rough him up again, bestie.)
- Nice loaded looks between Tyler and Pacent. Very much gives Tara and Rebecca yelling “thank God we’re ok” at each other. Oh, and that moment with their hearts on their sleeves as they gaze at each other before Tara gets back in the elevator…whew. Love.
- The image in the rearview mirror. Yes. So cool.
- “Brian. I have. Lost everything. Because of you. I’m not asking you as an FBI agent. I’m asking you as a friend. Help me. Please.” Thanks, I hate it.
- “Theresa is in trouble.” …and Tyler Green rushes off. Ok ok. Guess we trusted him for five minutes for nothing?
- “The BAU is yours.” “Uh. I don’t want it.” I hate that I can still laugh at this, even knowing the angst that comes next.
- “Emily, I’m um. I’m not at my best right now.” “Look around. None of us are. Me most of all.” Oh, hey. Same!
- Nope, not doing this.
- Absolutely not.
- No.
- I know she interacts with things on the Twitter (never calling it X), so someone please tell user @ pagetpaget that ending was just. rude.
What did you think of Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×05 “Conspiracy vs. Theory”? Leave us a comment!
New episodes of Criminal Minds: Evolution stream Thursdays on Paramount+.
