Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4 Review: ‘Constricted’

Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4 is another one of those hours that makes us wonder what kind bizarre universe we’re living in. Because, well, we’re pretty sure no human children were observed before its creation. Basically, the case of the week…is one, giant “this just doesn’t make sense” moment after another. And, as a bonus, we get to sit through yet another overly-long, wasteful cold open that takes an already-questionable premise and makes us have about zero desire to give it a fair shake before the episode even really gets started. Are there a few moments, here and there, that might have made us care? Sure. But those are either barely-noticeable blips or super dragged out.

…and don’t even get us started on the technical problems. But, hey! Shoutout to Juliana Aidén Martinez for being back in this episode. We really would like to get to know more about Detective Silva, but unfortunately, even when she’s actually doing her job and even speaking…we can’t see her. More than once. What in the terrible shadowy lighting at the Blake household, followed by the big tree blocking her, followed by some interesting camera angles and edits in the bullpen? Or. Let’s talk about Curry and Benson’s walk-and-talk as they left the hospital, only to appear there in the next scene, same wardrobe, no indication they’d been gone for long enough to let Hannah rest. Then again, they don’t talk to her again; they talk to a doctor. So, why leave and come back at all?

How about another fun one? See also: Liv asking Carisi how Rollins’ new job is going when she just literally saw how it was going in Episode 3.

…we’re tired. Look at the talent that’s going to waste here. Consider the stories this series used to deliver — stories that meant something. And then…there’s…this.

Carisi gets a bit UNstabler

If anything from the opening decades off our lives moments of Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4 is worth really discussing in depth, it’s Carisi’s trip to the generic electronics store with Jesse and his reaction to what happens out on the sidewalk. There are shades of Elliot Stabler in the old days here, up to and including the way the whole incident affects him long after it’s over. As in, Carisi’s fuse remains incredibly short throughout the case. Obviously, there are some major differences here…but the vibe is similar. And that’s not ok. It wasn’t ok then, and it really isn’t now. On the other hand, we do understand where that rage is coming from and kind of get some guilty pleasure out of seeing the character totally go off on some (alleged) perv — just like we did then.

But here’s something that really doesn’t make sense: Carisi’s so triggered by someone staring, he leaves her to get in the random dude’s face. Y’all are telling us that, even with the type of work he used to do (and still frequently pretends to do), he turns his back on his kid and walks several feet away in the presence of a potential threat??? Sure. So much for being consistent enough to worry about things like kidnapping.

Anyway.

Carisi, on the other hand, should probably have…not acted like that in public. Dude’s an ADA and a former cop, so he knows just forcing some guy to show him his ID by leading him to believe he’s currently a cop crosses a ton of lines. (Also pretty sure that’s illegal?) And what even with the crop tops and yoga pants commentary back at the precinct? First off, it’s perfectly appropriate and normal athletic wear. Second, we should be able to wear anything without dudes just being weird about it. Carisi knows this.

While we’re at it — and this is a problem that also comes up with the Benson/Curry walk and talk later on, as well — if we’re going to have personal moments (good!) where these people discuss parenting, can Liv give any insight into what’s going on with her and her kid??? No? Got it. Then, uh. Why does Carisi even ask her for advice, when Noah…just…disappeared?

Make it make sense. Oh. Right. You can’t.

“…or whatever it is kids call it these days.”

So, about the case itself…

At least early on, Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4 frames things in a way that almost makes Hannah’s mom out to be a bad parent. It just feels like we’re being set up to judge her. Benson and Curry clearly do. And I mean, we do judge her — but not for the reasons this episode seems to want us to. A mom actually telling her daughter not to do anything she doesn’t want to, yet supporting her choices and giving her a safe, private place to have sex isn’t inherently wrong, actually. What we will judge is the lack of a real conversation, as well as the mom having all those awkward pauses when so much as mentioning sex — both with her kid and with the cops.

Obviously, this completely pales in comparison to Ryan’s father. Even before we know the whole story about him showing Ryan his secret stash — thus breaking the prudish (for the consenting adults) household rules — and making him think choking was, like, a thing to try before even knowing what he was doing, he’s having that gross “what are you gonna do to close the deal” conversation with his son. Then, there’s trying to bribe Velasco to shut down the investigation, the initial lack of remorse…the list goes on.

But um. Let’s take the parents and their nonsense out of it. Because even with the usual lack of understanding of “the youths,” this episode has us asking an, um, interesting question. Do we really believe that kid would need the “don’t try this at home” warning he obviously didn’t get? Like, do the youths not have incredibly awkward, usually brief, experiences these days? How would things have even gotten to that point?

More on Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4

• “Pinch emoji? That’s a bit more than friends, isn’t it?”
• ”The first time might not be what you expect.” !!!!
• “You keep your eyes to yourself. If you wanna keep them in your head.” Can men not?
• “Who decided that yoga pants and crop tops is what girls should be wearing these days?” “That would be girls.” GET HIM, LIV.
• “Barely enough time to say good morning and goodnight.” More than The Bald & The Beautiful ever get.
• “So, he hid it. Like most kids do.” So much information about Curry’s kid…but what about Noah? Like, is he hiding things? Or has he been taken away by the FBI to attend that special school for invisible kids that became literally invisible after being ignored and overlooked for too long. (It’s a thing that happened on Buffy once, ok.)
• “None of this is easy.” I mean, is it hard? Or just something you’re not even doing.
• “It was awkward.” This is both 100% about this episode and 100% the only thing about this case that exists in reality.
• “Ok. If this were Billie or Jesse, I would kill this kid. I admit that. But I’m not gonna let being a parent prevent me from doing my job. Come on, you guys, I’m good.” …and then, those looks from Fin and Liv.
• “Sex is hard to figure out,” But you were like “lol, here you go. Have some alcohol and also watch some VR porn before you go.” Like????
• Kinda adore how Octavio Pisano plays Velasco’s reaction to this dude, actually. At least this cast is gonna act!
• “Yeah. We’re all about supporting cops, not defunding them.” The nausea, it nauseates.
• “You alright, son?” “What do you think? After this, Hannah won’t even text me back.” So, no remorse about her actual injuries. Cool. Kid’s just whining about her not wanting to talk to him. Gee, can’t fathom why!
• “One of our 13-year-old choking rapists is Ryan Blake’s cousin.” What are we doing here.
• “I was just trying to be a good father.” On what planet.
• “He goes to public school.” ???????
• The whole conversation about “angry Carisi.” Hi. We get that. Peter Scanavino is acting the F out of this. We also get the “projecting” part. And no, Fin isn’t so dense as to need it explained to him that the man has daughters. FFS.
• “What can we do about this?” Give them privacy, perhaps??? Like, why is this so drawn out with these two staring, when so much of the rest is just…mess? Also, the “get them justice” line is a waste. We get it. This is a cop show, in its TWENTY-SIXTH SEASON. We know what y’all do here. Thanks.
• “You know the worst part? He was willing to let his own son go to prison to take the fall.” I mean, I’d say the dead girl and the injured girl are the worst parts but ok.
• “Well, I just watched two parents say goodbye to their daughter forever.” Is this scene out of sequence??? Or should we believe Liv went to the funeral while she was in the middle of a case (and also not doing things with her son)?
• “Your son will stand before a judge. But all of this started because you tried — and failed — to teach your son how to be a man.” One thing Mariska Hargitay is going to do is have one moment where she makes me stop caring about all else because she plays Liv so disgusted with, and condescending toward, some low life.
• …but can we not with the “how to be a man” bit referring to him having sex?
• Really can do without all the “real man” talk, to be honest.
• “My whole adult life, I’ve thrown money at problems when all along, I didn’t realize the main problem was me.” Why are we wasting time on this dude’s “confession,” which is nothing but a “bohoo, poor me” thing?? Nobody cares about him, and nobody should care!
• …as if he’d lose his family or his job. Please.
• “To justice.” “Is that what we got?” “It’s a start” Is it??? Is it????
• Somewhere in there, there could’ve been a real message about what happens when you don’t have real conversations with your kids about sex and/or are way, way over-protective and treat sex like some kind of bad thing. Instead, there’s…whatever this episode was.

What did you think of Law & Order: SVU Season 26 Episode 4 “Constricted”? Leave us a comment.

New episodes of Law & Order: SVU air Thursdays at 9/8c on NBC.