Essence Adkins and Yvette Nicole Brown are fiercely talented. The two were part of the final movie of the Love of a Lifetime – He Wasn’t Man Enough – starring alongside Toni Braxton. The movie was a story of love, friendship, and forgiveness. It was a lesson in learning to love oneself.
The movie’s log line, “When a successful writer learns her boyfriend is engaged to her former college friend, the two women reconnect and team up with her best friend, turning a painful betrayal into an unexpected journey of friendship and healing.”
For this writer, the theme that resonated the most in the movie was the theme of friendship. I knew that part of the overall story was relationships of the romantic kind, but those played secondary to me, because the friendship between these three characters was so strong.
And the forgiveness that these three characters needed to give each other in order to move forward.
The way that instantly found myself calling an old friend and making up with them because I realized that sometimes friendship ends because you don’t know the entire truth, and sometimes you don’t even get the lies. We all focus on something but don’t see the bigger picture.
However, I wanted to know why it was that these two wanted to be involved in the movie. Brown, in all her smiles and wonderment, said, “It was our first Lifetime film that Essence and I had ever done. It was our first film. That was exciting. Then, to get to work with Toni Braxton. Come on. We’ve been fans of hers for our whole lives, our whole careers. That was super exciting. Then I had the blessing of getting to work with my husband on this. My husband plays my husband in the film. That was another plus for me.”
I loved the way that she lit up when she talked about her friendship with Essence, as well as acting with her husband. I couldn’t help but smile. I didn’t know that her husband was in the film, but she beamed with pride when she started talking more about him.
She said, “My husband, Anthony, plays Byron. I got to kiss my own man in the movie, which is awesome. All of those are my reasons.”
She then turned to Essence and asked her about what her reasons were, “Not that I was expecting it, but what you just shared is so encouraging and affirming. The reason that we make art, period, is to have an effect on people and to help us see ourselves better and to make ourselves better in the process. That admission that you called someone is just like, I’m literally all goose pimply. I’m like, that’s what you hope for as an artist, is that you have some sort of exchange beyond the screen.”
Yvette and I both smiled, listening to Essence. Both of them have such a strong presence, but one that is filled with comfort and understanding. These two have such an amazing presence, with a friendship that you can tell is genuine. One that anyone would want in their lives.
There are many, many moments in speaking to them, but also in the movie, that I found myself cheering for their friendship. There was a moment in the movie where Brown’s character, Candy, shows up with a bat when she’s called on for help. She enters the house with a baseball bat, ready to go to town in support of her bestie. I jumped up and was screaming at the TV, ready for her to kick behinds.
“I think we all have a girlfriend we’ll show up with a bat for. We do the joke where we say, “If you need me to hide a body with you, I’m going to hide the body.” Now, I’ve never hidden a body, but I have shown up with a bat. Sometimes you’ve got to show up and make sure your friend knows you have her back, literally and figuratively,” Brown says. “The funny thing about that scene is that there’s a sock on that bat. My husband Tony’s from the Bronx. He was like, “You can’t do a bat scene without putting a sock on the bat.” Because the sock, when they grab the bat, you pull it out, and you still got your bat, and they just got the sock.”
I laughed, because it is a New York thing – making sure that there is a sock on the bat. We all agree that there needs to be a sock.
Somehow, it feels as though I am talking to my besties. The two are making me laugh, but also smile. I am always scared of interviews, but with these two, I feel at peace. Just watching them, I saw the meaning of true friendship through actions. I saw the meaning of true friendship – one that would weather time.
So I asked them both what makes a good friend.
Essence smiled and said, “I’ll speak personally, my female friendships have sustained me. They have resuscitated me at times. Literally, where I felt like life was just eking out of me, figuratively, my female friends have shown up with bats, with flowers, with meals, with hot soup, with hugs, with popcorn, with scripture, to be able to sit in silence and say– those friendships are everything. They’ve really helped sustain me and grow me. That’s the other thing, too, is that a real friend, to the second half of your question, a real friend can tell you the truth, but they also have a way of dispensing it so that you can hear it because they know you.”
She continued, “There are some friends that I have that they need it straight and matter-of-fact, like a whiskey with no chaser. They need it like that. Then there are some friends that I have that need it — They need a little bit of cushion because otherwise their history doesn’t allow them not to go into self-condemnation. You’ve got to do it softly so that they feel affirmed, but then they can also hear the correction, and really take the accountability. That’s also part of being a good friend is knowing that you can’t just dispense everything every way.”
Yvette added in, “I think it’s important to model these friendships in films because it’s representation, right? It affirms. If you have a good group of friends, good girlfriends, it’s nice to see that we’re doing it right because that’s how they do it. See, they forgave each other, and they’re there for each other, and they celebrate each other. It helps those who are already in it know that they’re doing it right, and those who have not figured out how to love their friends that way. It models this behavior is good. Maybe don’t just stay mad. Build a bridge, olive branch, the whole thing. I think that’s why it’s important to show it.”
They both agreed with each other, and before I knew it, time was up. I had to say my goodbyes, and the two told me to take a screenshot so we have a pic of us all together. I already had – because my conversation with them left an impression on me.
“That’s my girl,” they both say when I tell them I already had. I smile and sign out, feeling like I’d made two friends and we were just hanging out.
“Thank you,” I said out loud to no one hearing me, but saying it to them, “You two left an impression on my heart.”
