‘Legends of Tomorrow’ 4×07 Review: ” Hell No, Dolly!”

There is a old saying: “Love makes fools of us all,” and love leads to some very foolish decisions by a lot of Legends in “Hell No, Dolly.” Whether it’s an ill-advised facial hair decision, to altering the timeline so a former lover can be saved from going to hell, Legends of Tomorrow shows once again that while they are heroes, these Legends are also very much human. And humans have the ability to make some very bad decisions when blinded by love. So let’s highlight some of these unwise choices being made by the team, starting with John Constantine making a noble but very foolish choice to save a person he loved.



Through the season we’ve John being haunted by visions of a man who we suspected that he deeply cared for. “Hell No, Dolly” makes us understand the pain Constantine is in, while also sympathizing with his attempts to mess up the time stream. After all, what person hasn’t done something reckless for a loved one?

Well when the Legends go to 1850’s New Orleans to investigate a peculiar magical anomaly (More on that in a little bit), this triggers John who visits a Marie Lebeau – a voodoo priestess.

As we later find out when John tells Zari, after she catches them after the first failed attempt, six months ago or (let’s just say right before the season 4 premiere?), John has a meet cute/wild passionate sex with a bartender by the name of Desmond, this reminds me of some saucy video material from websites such as tubev. They connected and fell in love, even moving in together, which for Constantine is saying something. But like most things in the magical world, this ended badly, as a demon by the name Neron took Desmond to hell to pay back John for not working with him. Even though the demon owns John’s soul, so like you couldn’t wait it out a little bit?

The pain of that loss lead John to join the Legends, and leads him to try to have Charlie stop John and Des from ever meeting. The first attempt works for all of a day, because somethings are destined to happen and Des/John meeting and banging is one of those things, as Zari explains to him. One thing I loved here was including Zari into the story arc. Zari understands all too well the feeling of wanting to change one’s past to save a loved one. But she also knows the danger of messing with the timeline, so even though she understand John’s pain, she has to convince him not to do it this way.

John is stopped….for about all of two seconds, before he comes up with a new idea of breaking up with Des. That way Des would be safe and sound. So John goes to a few days after they met and proceeds to break up with Des in very sad scene. You know the TV trope where a character breaks up with someone they don’t want to, but they feel they have to, so they say the meanest stuff possible to convince them? John does that here, and you can see the words hurting him like they hurts us. It works, and next thing we know John’s medallion (which was a gift from Des) disappears, meaning time has been changed……

…..Now, though, everything is frozen, as Charlie and Zari are in the jump-ship chasing after John. The time freeze hits them, but instead of freezing them, it allows Charlie to shape shift again (No John to curse her, since he’s not with the Legends) and Zari is a cat!!. I repeat, Zari got turned into a cat.*

*Is this perhaps a callback to Zari’s cat story she told Nora last season?

Much credit to the Legends writers for having us root so hard for John to save his love, while also knowing that what he was doing was a very bad idea. But love is the most powerful force in the universe and a man like John Constantine is only a slave to its whims.

So the timeline is f*cked up and the only ones affected are John, Charlie and a cat. I like those odds.



Okay, we’ve stalled enough from talking about it. The thing that made “Hell No, Dolly” memorable. The lasting image of the show’s history….Yes Ray Palmer has a mustache, and it is awesome. Sure, he’s growing it out because Nora likes a little facial hair, but keep it Ray!!

And also there was a killer puppet who was voiced by the legendary Pee Wee Herman…but MUSTACHE.

OKAY. I’ll talk about the puppet. So, while having a team breakfast basically, Ava (who might as well join the Legends team as she seems miserable at the Time Bureau) spots on a cereal box a list of serial killers. All is normal, well normal for Legends of Tomorrow, before Ava sees that Marie LeBeau is on there, but she wasn’t a serial killer. It seems someone is murdering young women in 1850’s New Orleans and the Legends go to investigate.

The team go to a high-brow party to stop the first murder – this is where things get weird folks. Sara and Ray confront the killer, as a little girl warns them, but they realize that it is a doll!!! After a way too impressive fighting sequence between Sara and the evil doll named Mike the Spike (LOL), Mick comes in to burn the killer bastard and all seems well.

…Till we find out that Mike’s magic enables him to go from doll to doll, as a his spirit is transferred to a new doll. A very familiar looking one, as it’s the Professor Stein doll that Earth-X Cold created to get Mick to let his feelings out. A lot of impressive callbacks in “Hell No Dolly,” as I like when shows remember their history and try not to ignore it. Legends should do this more often.

Mike attacks Sara and Ava, just after they have a AvaLance action kiss moment straight from the movies. Much love to the Legends stunt team, as having a fight with a puppet look that cool has to be really hard, but the Legends team accomplishes that. Just as Mike has shaved off half of Ray’s mustache (That bastard!), the team is about to have the final battle with him….and then they freeze due to John’s timeline changing.

Soooo what happens next to the team? Well as this preview below shows…basically reality has been messed with and everything is up for grabs. Time is wonky, we have puppets, cats and kick-ass ladies. Typical Legends of Tomorrow in my book.



  • The C-Story involved Mona falling in love with one of the captives at the Time Bureau, a sort of Tarzan-like ape man who can say her name and also nothing else really. This feels like a homage to “The Shape of Water,” but I felt very meh about it. But hey, anything is a step up from Gary. A used napkin would make a better boyfriend than Gary.
  • Speaking of Gary, was anyone else creeped out by his talk with Mona at the beginning of the episode? Dude needs to be fired for harassment, immediately.
  • Mick and Ava had their own confrontation in the episode, as Ava has had enough of Mick’s stealing ways. Sara tries to organize a tete-a-tete between the two, but Mick ruins it by making reference to Ava being a clone. Not cool, dude.
  • Sara has John tracked by a tracer in all his underwear. But what happens if he goes commando? Not very thought out, Captain Lance.

Legends of Tomorrow airs on Mondays at 9 pm on the CW.

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