We all do it. When we want to, when we don’t want to, when we need to…
It all just happens.
It’s Jane’s last day in Life House, and she’s in her last group. She’s listening to people’s issues, being supportive, and imagining telling them all that she’s going to kill herself on the plane.
I think, for Jane, that’s a sign that she wants to talk about life more. She doesn’t want to exit it – she wants the pain to stop.
Sure, she’s doing a good job at disguising the pain – because that’s what people do. Sometimes its easier, because talking about pain feels like the worst and best feeling at the same time.
For Jane, it’s an escape. Pain is an escape because it gives her reasoning. It gives her justification for wanting to take her own life. It gives her justification for wanting to just sleep.
And when she leaves, Jane feels a little scared and free. She’s spoken to hr Mom for what she thinks will be the last time. She’s made everyone believe that that she is okay.
But she’s not.
For Jane, leaving Life House is something that she wants to do. It’s not because she wants to stay either. It’s because Jane doesn’t know it yet, but the hardest thing about leaving is those you leave behind.
And why do I believe that she’s realizing that? Because – well…
When she gets to the airport Life House is calling her.
Her roommate at Life House has gone to the doctor there are told him that she thinks Jane is going to kill herself. She’s convinced him that Jane is going to do something to harm herself, and the doctor is trying to get to wait so he can come and talk to her.
Jane has run into the restroom to take the call. She’s having a panic attack. She knows that she’s on the verge of getting caught, but I also think that she doesn’t want anyone to give her second thoughts.
It’s a weird thing to know you’re in pain and someone wants to help you. But it’s the best feeling through the pain to know that someone really wants to help you. Life is full of change – the kinds that you can fight, but also the kinds that you can embrace.
But the change of someone making you feel as though they care – it’s scary. And Jane seems all sorts of scared. I am not sure if she’s scared that someone will ruin her plan, or if she wants them to.
She turns it around on the former roommate, that she’s making shit up cause she can’t sleep without her there. But my thing is – how did she get out of the place without them inspecting her stuff?
She cries and tries to hide it, and tells the doctor that she has to go.
That her flight is boarding.
I think the thing for Jane, is she’s conflicted. She thinks that she has be something. She thinks she understands why he father committed suicide, why he needed to free himself from the pain.
But I don’t think that she gets that there is the way to get through.
She hangs up on the doctor and there is a knock on the bathroom stall. She reaches out to unlock it. She sees a man standing there and asks what he’s doing in there, but quickly realizes she’s the one who is in the wrong bathroom.
Survive ends abruptly, and I know, I know – it’s told in bits. But what I am not liking about it is that it doesn’t end in a place that makes me want more. It’s just like, ya, okay, I’ll do the next one.
Survive airs on Quibi.