Part of healing is knowing where you are, changing, and growing. We all are healing in our own ways, and we all want it to go at a pace that may be a little faster than we are ready for. We don’t take into account the steps that got us to a place, but we want to rush through time.
And Sam does want just that in some respects, but in a lot of respects, all she wants is people to be proud. She wants to feel accomplished. She wants to feel a change.
And that means that she is looking at things differently. She’s noticing that the bar may not be the best place for her. She’s noticing that things don’t taste the same, smell the same – they aren’t the same kind of fun. But things are equally as expensive.
Sam shouldn’t be there. But it takes being at a meeting and Olivia telling her that she needs to stay away from people and places that she finds triggering. But she also needs to realize that the steps are in an order for a reason and it’s too early to make amends.
Part of you can’t help but feel for Sam, because she really does want nothing more than to heal and to make her life better, but she’s lost. Completely lost on how to do that. She’s not seeing that this is going to take a lot of time and that life is really on a “one day at a time” timeline. Making amends is not something that Sam is ready for.
Because the truth is, Sam has a lot more changing to do.
But Sam isn’t getting the support that she needs. Truly, I think that Carol believes that she’s giving her daughter everything that she needs, but she’s quicker to sound embarrassed of Sam versus being supportive of Sam. Carol is getting her house ready for book club and is short with Sam. She reminds Sam that it is her first time hosting since your return and the members are judgy. Mom snaps and is admits to Sam that she didn’t share situation with group. Carol tells her that if it comes up, we say you got moved to digital and can work from anywhere. Sam reminds her that she could tell them the truth, and that Sam is gonna get her 30 day chip. It’s a big deal.
It’s a chance for Sam to escape the house when she sees that Joel and Brit will be at Rollerland. She is determined to make amends with Brit, even if it’s not the right time and even if it’s at the expense of her friendship with Felicia.
When Sam finally does talk to Brit, it’s apparent what Olivia meant by her not being ready for amends. It’s important that you follow the steps. People have followed the steps for a long time and they work.
Sam wants to take sobriety seriously, but she’s not. She’s lied to get to Rollerland, she’s used the premise of wanting to spend time with her best friend and her son.
Felicia isn’t perfect, but we quickly see that she believes that Sam is her best friend, but she tells Sam that she should have listened to people when they said that Sam only thought of her as her drinking buddy. Felicia is a grown woman with grown responsibilities, and she would love nothing more than to have a normal friendship with Sam, doing things like hanging out at home, sans bra and watching television.
I actually was glad that Sam and Felicia had this fight, because it woke Sam up. It made her think about how she acted. It made her think about how she treated about Felicia. It made her think about the type of friend that she needed to be. The type of friend she wanted to be.
In the first two episodes, I believed that Felicia wasn’t supportive, but what I know is that I made a snap decision. Their friendship was built on the “familiar” but Felicia has really been rooting for Sam. She hasn’t know how to show it properly, because these two didn’t talk about what was happening. They just fell back into the same groove.
But when Sam got her 30 day chip, Olivia offered her the best advice, “show up for the people that matter and they’ll show up for you.”
And so when Sam shows up for Felicia and apologizes, it’s how amends should be. She finds Felicia at karaoke night, and really does feel bad. But Sam has learned somehow to start walking her truth – the good and the bad. She admits what she saw Felicia as – her drinking buddy – which was Sam’s fault. Felicia and Sam are both learning each other again, and I have to admit I am excited to watch. Felicia is a good friend.
And she proves it, not that she had to, when she accepts Sam’s apology and asks her about her chip. She realizes that she can talk about bigger things with Sam and she also sees that Sam needs to see that there are people are proud of her. Yet, she genuinely is proud.
The two share a karaoke song – The Climb by Miley Cyrus. It’s fitting for Sam’s life and their friendship.
These two have a special friendship and I can’t wait for this friendship to grow. When these two are singing and Felicia tells everyone that Sam is 30 days sober. I admit, I teared up.
THE BOOK CLUB
Carol, oh how I don’t like her.
I don’t know what book they were discussing, but it’s something about trauma and some people don’t even know that they are causing it. Carol is definitely a cause of Sam’s trauma, but part of me thinks that Carol has a lot of thinks that Carol has a lot of her own.
At book club. Carol wants to keep Sam’s “situation” away from them, but Gayle shows up and that’s a real wrinkle in Carols plans. Gayle needs to do a residence verification. Leave it to Bob though to invite her in to meet the group.
Carol has been looking for the gas bill, and finds Gayle with the group. When she returns to the room, she pulls Bob in room and tells you him basically, that she needed a space that was all her own. She wanted a place that she got to talk to people and didn’t have to worry about Sam all the time.
Gayle is having a great time, it’s definitely awkward. But she’s got what she came for and is leaving.
When the book club is trying to get information on Gayle, Carol finally admits Sam’s issues and that she is feeling angry. She even goes as far as throwing a plate.
I am happy that Carol is finally honest about something. What she needs to do is find a way to help her daughter.
But hey, Carol’s got book club and you know, honesty. So there’s that. Oh, and there is Bob, yes, there is Bob.
It is what it is there.