Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1 Review: ‘Swimmer’s Calculus’

Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1 focuses primarily on a case that could almost fit, quite easily, into just about any season of this series. Bodies are popping up at random beaches, with a very particular signature from the UnSub. (In case you somehow forgot, that means the “Unknown Subject,” which our faves at the BAU explain to the local sheriff in a opening sequence that is, somehow, both a little too much and just perfect because we do love a semi-corny “welcome back” moment.) Viewers spend some time with the killer before the team even enters the picture, the episode-opening victim meets an unfortunate fate, and we anxiously wait to see if the BAU can solve the case in time to save the next family of victims — an escalation!

Of course, everything turns out about as OK as these things possibly can in the end because the BAU is that good. As usual, they even manage to bust in, guns (and Tyler’s knife) a-blazin’ just in time. Annnd…that’s the hour! Case of the week wrapped up, neat bow. Some fun moments along the way, favorite characters doing their thing and being fabulous, great stuff. New season, off to a sufficiently strong start. We’re so back, etc., etc…

…but not so fast. Notice the word “almost” there in that first sentence. Voit still exists, and there are a lot of questions around that little detail. (Both for this reviewer and for the BAU — specifically Rossi, Prentiss, and even Garcia, who has a very interesting theory.) Not only that, but near the end of ‘Swimmer’s Calculus,’ after the BAU saves the day, this case starts to have a potential connection to the network that started the “Evolution” of Criminal Minds (if you will).

Franklin Fowler has a farewell message for Tara, JJ, Luke, and trainee(!) Tyler. And, ok. Again, that could be just your normal Criminal Minds or whatever. But, really, how many coincidences can we accept as just that — coincidences — before realizing, to borrow Franklin’s own words, “maybe that was the plan all along”? As Prentiss tells Rossi in the closing moments of Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1, quite a lot of Fowler’s technology overlaps with the tools Voit used to build his network of serial killers. The episode leaves us with Emily trying to avoid jumping to conclusions, Dave asking her if she buys what she’s selling (“…no”), and a jump scare courtesy of Sicarius himself.

He’s baaaaa-aaack! Sure, before watching this Criminal Minds Season 18 premiere, we knew that was happening at some point. Even so, it’s still kinda the perfect ending to the hour — and the perfect beginning of…whatever comes next.

MORE: We really thought the Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 finale was the end of Voit…but, as predicted, we’re not exactly mad to see more Zach Gilford.

“I went deep in there, and I saw…stuff”

In Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1, Garcia confesses something to Alvez that, on any other series — possibly even with many other characters on this series — could have the potential to get very problematic very quickly. Last time she was out in the field, the epic glare she aimed at Voit was also a deep look inside of him. And, somehow, she actually managed to find a soul inside that dark abyss.

When Penelope tells Luke what she found, she is as adorably thrilled about, and inspired by, that revelation as one would expect Penelope Garcia to be about…just about anything, actually. Notably, even though Emily knows she’s been visiting Voit’s bedside over the six months he’s been in a coma, and even though she both tells Emily about the puppy noises he allegedly makes — and imitates them! — it’s Luke she takes into her private space to share her secret of seeing that “ember of something” with.

What does this mean for Garvez? Heartburn, apparently. Freakish empathy that gives one the heebies — but not jeebies, because Garcia is still the best of the best at her job and helps with a key lead in the case.

More to the point, though, the fact that Garcia knows she can trust Alvez with this news is a huge step in the right direction. (Or, at least, let’s all hope???) Then, there’s Luke’s reaction. Sure, his facial expression and body language initially scream, “oh, come on.” But when Penelope validates his reaction, then tells him, “all I can tell you is what I saw,” he says he believes her. There’s a mutual trust here, a mutual “I’ll hear you out if you hear me out.” He also never makes her feel irrational, or “less than,” or any other negative thing you could come up with.

Just saying, all of this feels like kind of a big deal. Would any other member of Garcia’s extended family at the BAU support her? Sure. But Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1 gives us Luke, specifically, in that position. If nothing else, that’s an interesting little “kink in the hose,” to borrow a phrase from Kirsten Vangsness herself. Additionally, the halting, vulnerable way Garcia answers Alvez’s question about what she gets out of sitting by Voit’s bedside — in a brilliant moment, among way too many, from Vangsness — is…not exactly not indicative of a very, very solid foundation for…stuff. That Luke sees Penelope in that place, and knows it’s time to let her off the hook and joking about her giving him heartburn, is just icing on the cake.

We could talk about how much fun Vangness and Adam Rodriguez — and, by extension, Garvez — are together forever, but the fandom probably has that covered. Suffice it to say, basically, look at them. (No, seriously, look at how easily and how well these two play off each other. Fantastic, the both of them.) We do, however, need to get to the tricky part.

Garcia is “hoping [she] can see something salvageable” in Voit. As a general rule, “let’s humanize the Big Bad and see if we can save him” is a giant red flag. So, without the perfect set of circumstances, this review would very much focus on “are y’all kidding me right now, WTF” in a bad way. (As opposed to, you know, screaming that at the TV when Garvez is on…in a shipper way.) But Criminal Minds has been taking us into UnSubs’ minds forever. If any series can pull off whatever this season premiere is setting up, it’s got to be this one. After all, this particular antagonist has been developed far beyond your typical case of the week.

Not to mention, if anyone can find the good in even the absolute worst person, it’s the eternal ray of light that is Penelope Garcia. That she even claims to have seen Voit’s light while glaring at him like that, as she tried to stop him and Tyler from killing each other in the middle of a super intense scenario that Voit orchestrated to begin with…well. That just adds another intriguing layer to all of this. But the question is: How much more can we learn, and once we know about an UnSub’s triggering event — not to mention, everything he’s done since — is it possible to ever go back?

So, Criminal Minds: Evolution, you have our attention. Kinda scared for how all of this is going to affect Garcia? Yes. But at least she’s got Alvez and the rest of the team to look out for her…right? Right?!

MORE: We’re with Vangsness and Rodriguez on Garvez — “tastes great together, so stick with it.”

Rossi and Prentiss play “a real-life game of Clue“

No matter what Penelope may have seen, or what her hopes may be, Voit is still…Voit. Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1 makes that very clear in multiple ways. The most obvious would be his very first act upon regaining consciousness. (RIP to that healthcare worker, probably.) Before that, though, the fact that he’s even in a coma — and how he got there — hangs over Rossi’s career. It’s been six months since the assault, and for all six of those months, the FBI’s Office of Professional Responsibility has tried to place the blame on Rossi. The latest development in their investigation involves a recording of Dave telling Elias exactly what happens to serial killers in gen. pop.

But, as we know, that “evidence” reveals nothing. Like Rossi tells the OPR Agent, his literal job is “to predict antisocial behavior.” The recording even includes Dave citing plenty of examples of serial killers dying at the hands of other prisoners. But, well. That’s not good enough. (Anyone else having flashbacks to the Hotch/Strauss war? Ahhhh, the comfort of familiarity.)

From the moment Rossi slams the door of his office and interrupts JJ and Luke’s hilarious “training” (hazing) moment with Tyler, straight through to the end of that OPR interview, Joe Mantegna gives us a Rossi who is equal parts unwavering in his statement of the facts, confident in his innocence, and…just completely over it. That “…peachy” when Beatriz Carr asks how Rossi’s doing is so much fun. Same goes for that very pointed way Rossi closes things, mentioning Voit would be dead if he wanted him dead.

Later, when Prentiss tries to get Rossi to join her in figuring out what the Board of Prisons might have missed, Mantegna gives us a Dave who’s still very done with the whole situation. Now, though, there’s a softness underneath — because he’s dealing with Emily, not somebody on a witch hunt. Predictably, Emily wears him down. Also predictable in the best way: Mantegna and Paget Brewster continue to be great scene partners, and they don’t even have to have the big, emotional scenes to show that. Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1 showcases…just…them, playing two old friends and colleagues who work through this thing together. Both the actors and their characters pick up on each other’s cues so incredibly well, and that little exchange after Rossi finds out Voit had his own hidden shank really highlights that.

By the end of the season premiere, Rossi and Prentiss know a lot more about Voit’s attack. They also have that theory about a bigger, more troubling, picture involving the ‘Swimmer’s Calculus’ case, Voit’s network, and whatever else may come our way throughout the season. It’s very fitting that these two leaders are the ones, well, taking the lead on figuring out he might have yet one more challenge for them. Especially when, in the previous two seasons, they each hit such low points because of him.

MORE: Last season, Prentiss temporarily turned the BAU over to Rossi, and it hurt. But at least Emily’s time off gave us some highs for Jemily.

More on Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 18 Episode 1

“You almost died tonight, pal. Get home safe.” Who wants to tell this useless AF local that “almost” did way too much work here?
Was the whole exchange between the random partiers a little longer than necessary? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely not. I want to keep that girl and her “do me a favor? F— off” forever. Also pretty sure Garcia would appreciate “you smell like a concentrated Hello Kitty” as much as I did. (If, you know, she was real.)
When you hear Rossi’s voice being all, “actually, Sheriff. This might not be your case at all,” you know the episode has officially begun.
“We do now!”
“Can you stop him?” And then, there they are, just giving him these “well, obviously. Are you new here” looks. Love it.
(But guys, life isn’t a photoshoot.)
Ok but can we take a moment to appreciate how much fun JJ and Luke have while they’re training Tyler? The looks they keep sharing — kinda proud, kinda enjoying ribbing him, definitely amused by both that fake gun and his knife… — love it. JJ’s little laugh after Luke points out the fake gun is the best.
Also the best: JJ’s face when a grumpy Dave appears.
“Oh. And he’s not dead. Is he? OH. MY. GOD. GET HER ROSSI.
“It’s so weird. He’s so…non-psychopathic.” And Emily’s just like “…”
If Penelope Garcia’s puppy noises have no fans, I am dead.
“Man, you are in a coma, and you’re still all up in Rossi’s business.” I LOVE HER.
Would like to just shove that Tara/JJ walk-and-talk in certain folks’ faces and be like “see? You can do a strong procedural and these tiny personal moments! It’s not rocket science!” Is it the deepest interaction on Earth? No. But it’s something, and given all the darkness these people face, it’s valuable.
“Dave, come on.” “Emily. No.” (Emily, yes.)
There’s gonna be a reaction gif of Dave throwing his hands up, right? RIGHT??????
The “we know Voit” and “are you buying it” coming back toward the end for that setup: niiiice.
And of course they came up with a theory that the others couldn’t because they are THE. BEST.
“I mean, we’ve seen weirder.” Talk about the understatement of the century.
“…right on cue,” when Penelope’s all “yo yo yo! Come! Friendships” Amazing.
Me, setting up my conspiracy board: You see, Emily survived Paris by playing online Scrabble with JJ, whose username was “Cheeto Breath.” JJ has Cheetos during this whole lunch-slash-work thing. Therefore, Jemily.
“No matter how good you think you are bluffing — don’t ask.” “Now, I have to.” “I JUST SAID DON’T ASK.”
“Let’s cut to the chase. Your website’s business model isn’t based on getting people into rentals, it’s based on selling out anyone who taps that ‘accept cookies’ button.” TELL THEM TARA.
“…and we think that their murders are more important than your 401K.” GET THEM.
“Here’s to your liver.” We all called him as getting killed as soon as we saw this, right? Right.
That effect of the attacker getting closer and closer in the photos as they scrolled through the selfies: *chef’s kiss*. Details, folks. Details.
If I speak on the oath to defend the Constitution AGAINST ALL ENEMIES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC right now…
“Well. That’s where I come in.” One thing each and every BAU member is going to do is make. an. en. trance.
That mom is a BAMF, actually. But dear God, this is scary in ways that only Criminal Minds can do.
“Why do I feel like you’ve already won?” “Mayyybe.” Them.
Love Emily’s “what in the world” here, too.
“You. Freeze.” “Wha—?!” Forget the shocked Pikachu meme. I want “shocked surrendering Penelope Garcia” meme. (Is this making sense? Probably not!)
The use of breath to add to Penelope’s sense of wonder while she’s talking about that “stuff” she saw in Voit is just top notch. We don’t talk about things like that anywhere near enough. Again: Details.
Speaking of details: “I believe that you believe it.” “Thank you.” And he’s like…holding her chair? Why is he holding her chair? There’s a lot of touching. So, so much touching. Luke is lovingly laughing through the heebies/jeebies dialogue, too.
“Ooh! Science says asking a dumb question makes you less cute!” But how cute was he before the dumb question????
She is flirting. They are flirting. But not in their old “let’s pretend to hate each other and have fun with it” way. What is this?
Did he…he poked her, didn’t he???
“It’s like my heartburn has just magically gone away.” …and he’s gesturing to his heart. Mmmmhm.
My GOD, not the pool cover. Using that corkscrew is both a genius move and kinda heartbreaking. (If you have a second to feel some pain while you’re like “BAU, PLEASE HURRY,” that is.)
Tyler’s little pleased smile and the way he looks down when Luke’s all like, “you too.”
Everyone in unison with the “no!” I LOVE MY BAU. And right on time to have that moment of relief because the tension with that mother and daughter. Help.
This show can still make me get that worried, even when help is on the way. An accomplishment.
Luke and Tyler should not work this well together. Or at the very least, it shouldn’t …affect me the way it does. And yet.
“Mommy.”
“Sorry, Champ.” “Good knowing you, Rookie.” “Only a decade.” Congrats, Tyler. You’re part of the family.
“Soooooooo.”
Absolutely living for that “alright, here we go.” It’s like he knew it was coming, but he really can’t stand that this MF got ahead of them again.
“Hang on. Don’t start talking to people who aren’t there.” EMILY.
WhAt tHe hElL iS CO. DEC.
Like, you know it’s coming when the camera stays on Voit after Penelope leaves. You know. The quiet normalcy of it all builds that suspense, in a way that adding a bunch of extra sound effects or whatever wouldn’t. And STILL, it’s like “OMG NO WHAT” when it happens.
Game on.
And thank you for both the trigger warning at the beginning and the 988 message at the end.