Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 Review: The Worst High School Slow Dance

In Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 “Fast Crimes at Ridgemont High,” the mean girl drops dead at Ellis’ high school reunion. Ellis—Cole the Mole, Cole Cuts, Detective Dope—is rightly benched because of his ties to the crime, which leaves Max and Chief Li to have all the fun investigating the case. And Max does, in fact, have a blast. Because she’s Max. It’s what she does. When she’s not cracking up at photos of a younger Ellis in his awkward big-headed years, she’s relishing pretending to interview her usual partner as a suspect or bonding with the Chief over the fact that they both had some, uh, rather unconventional formative years.

Unfortunately, despite the easy/obvious setup, there’s nothing special for ElliMax at the reunion. In fact, the series tries to establish Jessica as the one, between her much more supportive reaction to Detective Dork’s old photo and their big prom do-over to close out the hour. Somehow, it’s simultaneously way too late in the season and way too early in that alleged relationship for this. The chemistry remains lacking, and the entire relationship is way too rushed and under-developed. Meanwhile, given that this is nearly the end of the season and the one big moment that should’ve started to swing things back in the right direction very much didn’t, I don’t see a shot at a satisfying end here. And that’s a shame.

For a penultimate episode of a season that’s consistently suffered from the Jessica storyline, Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 is pretty on brand. Parts of the hour are excellent—Yates and Simmons’ burrito and kebab “stakeout” and tearful goodbye (which quickly turns right back into silliness with the undercover aliases), Max and Vivienne’s big moment, Max and Li’s partnership—but others…not so much. At this point, after the ups and downs (mostly downs) the series’ core relationship has faced in these nine episodes, the season finale ought to be about Detective Yates trying to save her girl. She is, after all, apparently going to be out of a partner here soon herself and, much like Max, deserves the world. At least that kind of twist would make all the angst leading up to it make sense.

MORE: Ellis thinks he doesn’t have to choose between Jessica and Max…but that’s not how any of this is supposed to work.

More Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 reactions

• “Reunion equals intimacy.” Yes, which is why all of the potential this hour has gets sucked right out of it by the end.
• Regardless of what happens from here, Tamara Taylor has been such a wonderful addition to this cast. No surprise there, considering she’s good in everything she does. But the way she’s had me constantly wondering about Vivienne possibly double-crossing her family one second, then absolutely sure she’d never before I can even finish forming the thought, has been quite the ride. Not to mention, she and Vanessa Morgan really put on a show as a mother and daughter with so much anger, and loss, and regret between them.
• “I’m not so good with endings. Or change. Which is odd, considering the kind of life that I lead…I mean, led.” Love that play on words there.
• Well, at least the soundtrack for this reunion is good.
• One, WTF is an “acne glow.” Two, why is a medical condition still a thing people mock grown AF adults over?
• I simply don’t believe this Ray dude would walk up to someone built like that and talk about guts.
• Great shot of Giacomo Gianniotti after that, though. Cole the Mole is miserable.
• “Oh, my god, look at the size of your head! It needs its own area code!”
• …no but seriously, what’s the point of having Max take so much glee in this dude’s past suffering, to the point where he takes off his reunion badge that the girlfriend convinced him to put on? Normally, the exact same reaction could play as her (and, later, Li) laughing with him and/or Max getting Ellis to see the humor in something he otherwise feels bad about. But here…it doesn’t work out well at all, thanks to Jessica’s previous support.
• Unless someone wants what would normally be good-natured ribbing to look cruel, and what would normally be Ellis’ “storm cloud” to Max’s “ray of sunshine” look like he’s insecure and undoing a brief moment of self acceptance…
• …kind of embarrassing if so.
• Of course she sent that pic to Yates. Besties!
• “Leave the past in the past, you know what I mean?” And Amy Goodmurphy does a lot to prepare us for what’s coming by the end of this little stakeout here. Just…Yates looks so reflective, and self-conscious, and sad.
• Michael Xavier’s line reading on “stakeout chic” and “tactical pressure test,” as Simmons responds to Yates’ insanity: In a word, genius.
• “You bit me.” “And you bit me back. That’s when I knew we were met for each other.” SHE IS SO FOND OF HIM.
• “You ordered food. To a stakeout.” DEADPAN.
• Which, like, of course she did? The best partner.
• Ellis should be hot for Teacher!Max, especially with that lovely shade of hot pink on her and her excellent whiteboard marker pointing skills. But nooo.
• “I think you should hand over your badge. And your gun. And your really nice office chair. You know, the one with the…only working lumbar thingy?” Amazing. GET HIM..
• Chen plays that moment of Li fighting not to laugh so well. It’s like it’s going to actually, physically hurt him to keep holding that in.
• “I think it’s time we let the real cops do our job.” “Enjoy the lumbar support while it lasts.” Super delivery from both Morgan and Gianniotti here, but Chen’s just eating up the scene with Li, once again, trying very hard not to laugh (and failing).
• “Lexi made him a walking punchline.” Is the Jessica storyline named Lexi now?
• I’ve seen enough. All the witnesses say Ellis is guilty. Throw him in jail. (But not the cool jail with George’s support group.)
• “If she wasn’t already dead, I’d kill her myself.” I support Max’s rights and her wrongs.
• This scene where Max lays it on thick as she questions Ellis so good. I particularly enjoy how Morgan just slams those hands down and leans in, all intense-like, as Max plays bad cop. Especially since it’s right after her showing unconditional support for him when she heard his prom nightmare story.
• Also: “Old habits die hard…even with a murderer.”
• “Shocking, isn’t it? You rely on Todd. The consistency of his kebabs, friendship, camaraderie. And then, out of nowhere, just leaves. Like your relationship meant nothing to him. Because he found something better.”
• “Change sucks.”
• “Are you—are you about to cry? There’s no crying in stakeouts.” Ok, Tom Hanks.
• This hurts, actually. How is my comic relief making me want to cry? (Because Xavier and Goodmurphy are great here, obviously. …but still.)
• “I was more punk than popular.” Sure, Jan. More like poser.
• George is making moves. As always, he’s a zillion steps ahead of me.
• I’m glad we’re revisiting, rather than totally forgetting about, Li’s past. For Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 to bring this up when he and Max are having such a touching, reflective sort of moment (that Ellis would never understand) makes it extra special. They both accept what they’ve been through and actually wouldn’t have their bizarre lives any other way.
• Ellis may forget how he felt back when Max was trapped at the station with Li, but nobody else has.
• “So, no prom for you either?” “Nope.” Imagine if she’d gotten her dance here, though.
• Literally nobody cares about them wanting to make out in the principal’s office.
• Smellis.
• “So, Cole, even though he was smaller than all of them, he walked right up to the biggest jock. And right in the middle of the cafeteria, he broke his nose.” So, to be clear, when he was scrawny, he could break these dudes’ noses. But…people waned to still try to bully him at the reunion looking like…that? Not buying it.
• “You know, I have a feeling the best is yet to come. For both of us.” Ok but I need George and Artie to get moving on that “best” part.
• “…what we like to call, in our business…the murder window.” Fantastic timing from Morgan.
• …and also from Chen. “That’s not actually what we call it.”
• “How could you do this to me? I mean, was it Max? Was it Ellis? Because I…if I need to beat someone up, you know I got it in me.” Masterclass in pulling at heartstrings while being delightfully silly AF. Really great when she struggles around getting into the “if I need to beat someone up” but then absolutely goes off.
• “I didn’t know how to tell you face to face. I’ve always been bad at goodbyes. Especially with you. I was hoping you’d be happy for me.” “I AM HAPPY FOR YOU! …you stupid idiot.” The emotion here from both actors…ouch.
• “Yates, you were the most dedicated, and tenacious, and…strange. I mean, you are a very strange detective. And you’re my best friend. And you’re the best partner I’ve ever had.” “Even better than Ellis?” “Yes, but don’t you dare tell him that.”
• See? Yates is a better partner than Ellis. Confirmed.
• Their hug!
• The BOBBLEHEADS.
• “I love you so much, Simmons.”
• “I’m a journalist. It’s my job to uncover people’s embarrassing secrets.” …no. That’s a tabloid journalist or even some of these influencer types. Real journalists are just looking for the truth, and if it happens to be embarrassing, it is what it is.
• “That settles it. High school? Sucks.” “Absolutely.”
• That heartbroken look when Max goes back to get her jacket. Cole the Mole Smellis, you will pay.
• Some interesting parallels with Bones‘ “The Death of the Queen Bee” here. A high school reunion, former classmates think our nerdy former student is a murderer (in that episode, Brennan mentions people thought she killed Sarah 15 years ago…), a horror movie tie in (Robert Englund aka Freddy Krueger was Bones’ janitor pal Mr. Buxley, whereas Ellis’ librarian Mr. Loomis could be a nod to Halloween and/or Scream), a slow dance for someone who never had the perfect prom, and our romantic heroes on the outs. (If you haven’t seen Bones, trust me when I say you don’t want to know what happened in the episode immediately before that reunion.) The difference is, Bones still gave Booth and Brennan—and, by extension, viewers—the little fantasy away from the harsh reality. ElliMax doesn’t get that here. Instead, we get…a grand gesture from Jessica.
• You can pay tribute without being a carbon copy—while still not taking this big of a swerve in the wrong direction, is what I’m trying to say here.
• “What about Ellis? And my friends? If we leave, then we put them all in danger.” Once again, Max is trying to protect this man right after he’s broken her. Wild Cards Season 3 has repeatedly put Max in a position to sacrifice for someone who, suddenly, can’t even see her anymore. Not a great thing for a series to do with its female lead, especially when it relies so much on that core partnership and viewers’ desire to see them together-together.
• That “I HATE YOU!” and the reaction from Vivienne are both so incredibly well done. Really strong work from Morgan and Taylor throughout this entire conversation, but that is the moment.
• “That is the last thing I said to you. ‘I hate you.’ And then, I stormed off…and I never saw you again. For 15 years, I carried that guilt like a stone in my heart. And you let me live with that.” Awful to even consider, much less to have to live through. We never know what our last words are going to be to the people we love, and to think we might live with those kinds of regrets…just gutting.
• “Can you ever forgive me?” And she just leaves. Ouch.
• …just in time for Max to be kidnapped while her partner’s doing WTFever this is.
• I was afraid this would happen after that line in the previous episode…
• Anyway. Castle did the prom redux best. Go watch that as a palate cleanser.

Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Wild Cards Season 3 Episode 9 “Fast Crimes at Ridgemont High”? Leave us a comment!

New episodes of Wild Cards air Monday at 8/7c on The CW.