So much temptation. So much drama. So many rumors. Apparently living in paradise has a price and well that’s your dignity and your soul. Also apparently, it’s looking certifiable on television. At least that’s the vibe I am getting from Grand Cayman: Secrets in Paradise.
And yes, I am looking at Elizabeth Chambers. I get her allure. I get the mystery surrounding her life, what happened with Armie, and all that. But after seeing her on this episode, all I can think is – woman is a narcissist. Whoever she thinks that she is, whatever light she wants to portray herself in, all this episode showed me is – she is ick.
Like she is definitely ick.
Elizabeth Chambers opens the show and we see her looking modelish, all on a horse and acting like her life is just this grand fairytale. Maybe it is, but as she says that she’s put the divorce and the past behind her, seemingly to put up a wall of don’t ask me about Armie, you can’t help but be grossed out by her attitude and delusions of grandeur. The reality is that Armie seems to be the only interesting thing about her.
And reality check – her hubby ain’t that interesting.
She may have put the trauma of the divorce, the public scrutiny behind her, and she may be in the midst of opening a bakery – but she’s ick. Watching the episode within the first five minutes, I didn’t like her. She seemed disingenuous, fake, and extremely into herself. She doesn’t care about the people around her or trying to be known beyond the whole Armie Hammers ex.
It felt as though Chambers was doing this show to try and advertise Bird Bakery. Does all of her aloofness, her delusions of grandeur, and her b**chy attitude make for good TV? Absolutely.
Quite frankly though, the most interesting people on this show are the people that we don’t know anything about. This show seems like it would be fine without Elizabeth Chambers. I said what I said.
This whole episode sets up getting to know most of the cast of the show. While Chambers is well known, so is former Victoria’s Secret Angel, Selita Ebanks. The episode revolves around introducing Ebanks to people and making her friends. She’s returned to the island to live full time and doesn’t really know a lot of people. This is how we’re able to get to know some of the cast members.
The only likable one? Well that would be Julian. He seems to be the only one that wants to bring people together and create a friend group.
The episode is said to be about, “Courtney’s conflict with Elizabeth boils over. Post-chaos, the group plans Trevor’s Miami bachelor party and Victoria’s BDSM-themed bachelorette. Later, Chelsea and Tyson discuss the changes needed to save their relationship.”
It is much more than that. It’s so much more than Elizabeth Chambers. (Thank God).
But this friend group is really complicated and filled to the brim with drama. So if they’re gonna talk s***, so are we. Lets break it down.
ELIZABETH CHAMBERS
In the episode she talks a lot about her business venture, opening a bakery on the island, and refuses to talk about her ex. At the end when Armie’s tell all interview is released, she refuses to talk about it, basically being like I was there, I know what happened.
Woman, you are on a reality show. If you’re not going to talk about the only thing that people care about knowing about you – well, sorry, we’re all gonna be annoyed with you.
I’m just wondering if she gets that no one cares about her bakery right now, but we appreciate the commercial for it. That’s all that Chambers time on this episode was – a commercial for her business and a testament to why she’s chaos personified.
Xosia Mcgregor
We don’t get to meet her this episode. She’s a radio personality and I wish that they would have given her air time and less of the commercial for Bird Bakery.
Julian Foster
Julian seems to be the only nice guy on the island. He’s a local and he wants to make everyone happy. He loves everyone (it seems) and he even can handle Elizabeth. He throws a party for everyone to get to know Selita and it’s a pretty good one. It seems fun AF. We like him and by “we” I mean all of us and if you don’t agree, I don’t know what to say.
Trevor Coleman
Trevor is hot and we don’t see enough of Trevor. The man is hot. He’s married to Victoria, though, and I can respect the vows.
Chelsea Flynn
If you think that you have man issues, well, Chelsea is the queen of man issues. She’s dick whipped by her baby daddy. Like the man must have a platinum member (yes, you know what i mean). She’s basically was married, got divorced, and then fell for the bad boy with the bad reputation. She had his baby, and he told her – while pregnant – that he cheated on her with five other women. And she’s trying to work things out.
The weird thing is that as much as I think Chelsea is cray cray for wanting to be with Tyson, it may be the most interesting thing so far about the show. Watching Chelsea try to justify her relationship – girl, you need to let the man go. He ain’t worth your time.
Victoria Jurowski
If Victoria was in the episode, she plays a good back ground character, cause I don’t remember her.
Connor Bunney
Connor seems nice, but he also seems like he’s not comfortable being on television. I have a feeling that the dude can cause a lot of drama, if he let himself. Please let yourself Connor and the editors.
Terri Bilewitch
I hate that all of these people weren’t in the first episode of the show, cause I have not a clue who they are. I hate that we were edited so much around boring crap when I feel like we could have had more.
Dillon Claassens
Again, someone who in the season trailer looks interesting, but right now all I can think is that he looks like a wannabe Shane West post Walk to Remember.
Aaron Bernardo
There is something very intriguing about Aaron and totally not even talking the tattoos. He’s got a great voice. He seems cool. His instagram bio even says he is – kinda. It says “professional partier,” “jet-setter,” and “fashion connoisseur.” I am so here for it.
Courtney Mctaggart
Courtney is a local. She’s also made an enemy of Elizabeth Chambers, but also, if I was her, I wouldn’t care. She’s Chelsea’s best friend and she tries to tell her to watch who she’s with. But the thing is, Chelsea doesn’t listen.
And Trevor doesn’t care that Courtney doesn’t like him. The two think the worst of each other.
But Courtney, she believes that Elizabeth is trying to sabotage her. She thinks that Elizabeth attacked her online and she’s not afraid to keep talking about it.
Courtney is proud of where she’s come from and let me tell you, according to her, there are a lot of rules in the Caymans. I had a hard time keeping up and well, lets just say the way that she talks I legitimately would be terrified to even visit.
BUT that all being said, I do want to watch all of the drama that surrounds this woman and all the drama that she will cause. Popping popcorn right now and pulling up for it.
Craig Jervis
Craig seems like a nice guy, but he also seems like he’s wanting to be the center of attention and really be on top of everything. Craig is a professional flirt. You can tell he loves the attention and the camera. Interested to see where this all goes, his relationship, and see if he can stop flirting with everyone that walks.
Cass Lacelle
I actually like Cass. She’s trying to be profesh and Elizabeth isn’t having that. At a business dinner, Elizabeth brings up that her assistant slept with Cass’ man. Chambers says it was because she has no filter, but it’s insane.
Cass is supposedly a marketing genius and she loves it. She isn’t afraid to not like Elizabeth, but she keeps it on the up and up. She is not going to let anyone stand in the way of her dreams.
I like her and am rooting for her.
Selita Ebanks
Former Victorias Secret Angel, yes. But Selita doesn’t rest on that. She’s instead fighting to figure out who she is.
It’s impossible right now to say anything bad about Selita, because she’s just really kind. She’s working hard and figuring out who she is. She wants to do everything that she can – acting, creating, coaching. But it’s important to her that she sets down her roots in the island.
It’s where her family is. It’s where she’s from.
If we’re being honest, what Grand Cayman: Secrets in Paradise has going for it right now is that none of these people are Cayman kind. They are a hot mess of drama.
When the episode ends, it’s when Armie’s tell all interview comes out and he basically makes Chambers look cray, cray. At least that is what everyone says. I didn’t read it and don’t care to.
But Armie’s interview apparently makes all the shiz that Courtney has been saying about Elizabeth look true. That is definitely something that interests me.
Look, as much as Grand Cayman: Secrets in Paradise tries, it better up the drama, because right now I am kinda bored. Ok, really bored. Definitely going to need more and the trailer definitely makes me believe that there will be more. So yes, I am in for the long haul, but can I ask one thing?
Please don’t make me listen to everything Armie Hammer all season.
All photos: (Disney/Jeff Daly)
