Batwoman’s “A Secret Kept from All the Rest” kept me on the edge of my seat like no episode has done so before. At least what I remember so far. Point being, this episode was everywhere in the best possible way and I love what it means for the future of Batwoman. Or the possible future. Let’s break it down.
*puts on gay tin foil hat*
Look, I know it doesn’t make sense timeline wise. Buuuuuut, my little queer heart is automatically going to Kara when they talk about kryptonite. That is her weakness and they’ve seen Batwoman and Supergirl fighting side by side. Fanfiction brain is like, “What if Alice wants kryptonite because Kara is Kate’s weakness? What if they’ve been communicating this whole time and someone knew? Gay rights!”
But then the rational part of me, the one that thinks Supergirl is too much of a coward to actually make Kara/Lena happen, and I remember that everything isn’t unicorns, gays, and gumdrop buttons. Because for as much as I wish that Kara was Kate’s weakness and gay things would happen all over my screen as a result of that, that’s not in the books for our heroes. And that’s all I have to say on that front because this is my review and I’ll write what I want.
*takes off gay tin foil hat*
So, kryptonite. The only thing that my gay brain can think of right now is that kryptonite can be turned into bullets and can slice through anything like a hot knife through butter. Which, I don’t think Alice will go through with it when the time comes around. Like daddy dearest said, the Joker needed the Bat and Alice needs Batwoman. They complete each other and when it comes down to it, I don’t think Alice will take her own sister down.
That’s where Mouse comes in. He was happy. That’s why he was so distraught about what happened to their new home and the identity he had taken on. Someone like that, someone so attached to Alice and who only wants the best for his sister from another mister, well…he’ll be the one to really put the hurt on Kate. Batwoman and Kate is the only thing standing between him and his sister having the happily ever after they’ve been looking for.
So, that’s who Kate should be looking out for. That and Hush. He’s super creepy, looks like he’s got tons of cash hidden away, and probably why he’s pissed that Alice took his face and didn’t give him another as promised. But with his new reputation as a powerful bad guy, maybe he’ll be like, “Fuck it. I have the power I’ve always wanted. What’s a face anyway?” He’ll still be pissed, cause a lot of trouble, and make everyone’s day a mess, but he’s in a new position in life and I bet that he secretly loves it.
Back to kryptonite, if Mouse doesn’t use the kryptonite against Kate, then her father will. Listen to this for a second. Mouse is a master trickster who would work some sort of magic with Hush to switch the Crows bullets to kryptonite bullets. Oh, but that’s too much out of the range of possibility, you cry out. Are we watching the same show? Anything and everything happens on this show and its chock-ful of cliches from here to the moon and back. And I’m here for it.
So, bring it on Alice. Bring it on Mouse. Bring it on The Crows.
Because if there’s anyone I have faith in, it’s Batwoman. That and her loyal companions.
Which, on a final note, I’ve got a bone to pick about some random teen girl (yes, I know who she is but I’m still having her under the category random af because she is) get to know the Batwoman secret and be brought into the Bat Cave? I’d be like Mary for sure. What the fuck with a side of, “Are you serious?” After how hard Mary fought to be part of this team, random teen girl gets a walk right through the front door into Bat Cave central? I don’t like it. And I will continue not liking it.
I lied. This is my final note. The gay love triangle we’ve got going on here…what the fuck happened there? Sophie hasn’t really cared for Kate or what she’s up to for episodes and all of a sudden she’s like, “If you don’t want me to be “friends” with your ex I’ll totes ma goats be platonic with her.” Where did that come from? And no, Kate shouldn’t tell her that she’s got feelings for Sophie. If anything, Sophie asking that made it seem unfair to Kate herself.
Since when has Sophie picked Kate first? How is she supposed to trust Sophie when she asks this question? And how is she supposed to take it when she sees Sophie kissing someone else two seconds later? That’s not someone I’d want to get back together with or chase down because “love.” So, go ahead Sophie and Julia. Get your queer on and sold/fight crime together. Kate’s got bigger fish to fry aka figuring out who the hell is after her and why.
Now that’s the real question everyone should be worried about.
Batwoman airs Sundays at 8/7c on The CW.
