I Will Go Down With This Ship: Malex Edition

With the season finale of Roswell, New Mexico last week, I have been lost in a sea of Malex feels. I know, I know – they aren’t together right now. I don’t know if they will be. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other or that their love shouldn’t be celebrated. But love doesn’t mean that something is meant to last forever.

That being said, I don’t know about you but when Alex sang Would You Come Home, tears fell down my eyes and I felt the love between these two.

I love Malex. I do, with all my heart. But that moment changed everything for me. It wasn’t about if they were together or apart. It wasn’t about allegiance to a ship that I felt – it was knowing that even if the two of them weren’t endgame – it was okay, because this was Alex’s, I never look away moment. All cards, all feelings are out on the table.

And no matter what happens next, I would be okay. Because this ship – which whether it sets sail again or it doesn’t – it taught me something. And for that I will go down with this ship.

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Now, I know you’re asking yourself if I am high. I am not. Let me explain the moments. Let me explain exactly what Malex showed me.

FROM THE BEGINNING THEY WERE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR EACH OTHER

Alex didn’t have the best home life, but then again, neither did Michael. Maybe that is something that they can relate to each other about, and maybe it’s the reason that they are willing to go to such lengths for each other. But that scene – when they get caught together, and Alex’s Dad comes for him – my heart broke.

Because how do you watch the love of your life be hurt? How do you watch someone break them down when they are barely holding the pieces of themselves together as it is?

When you’re Michael Guerin – you don’t. You put yourself out there and you protect them. And for Michael – even though he’s legit the most guarded person I have ever seen – he’s going to always protect those around him.

I sometimes think it’s the people that experience the most pain in life that are the most guarded, but they are also the people that are willing to save anyone else from that pain. It’s a poetic circle sometimes and sometimes it’s the most fucked up thing in the world.

But for Michael and Alex – saving each other – in the biggest and smallest of ways – is a part of who they are. But I think that’s part of why I’ve enjoyed their journey, because it’s gone from that to discovering the friendship that they first built their love on.

Does it mean that they’ll be together? No. But it means that together or apart they can focus on the memories that remind them of happiness – not the memories that scarred them.

THE WAY THEY RECONNECT

You know how when you’re growing up and you see all these things – the idea of what love is and the way that someone’s supposed to look at your as if you are the only thing that matters. You want that person that can’t hide that longing in their eyes. You want that.

You can see that with the way these two look at eachother.

I think that Michael loves Alex, but he doesn’t feel safe with Alex. All of the bad things seem to happen with Alex and to Alex and he wants something that isn’t so hard.

He wants something where he doesn’t have to fight all of the time, because he’s got that in every aspect of his life.

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But then there are these moments where Michael and Alex reconnect. The most notorious one of those is in the first episode, when Alex comes back and you see this, and you know that Alex brings out the softer side of Michael.

He brings out the first times in his life that he did feel safe. All before those moments when Alex’s Dad made their relationship feel unsafe. The moments when love was innocent and pure and not a scary place where they would be judged.

I think that Michael and Alex will get past the bad, the scary, and the anger. Even if they aren’t together, even if they just remain friends – they will always be the part of each others heart that first brought what love is to life.

And that’s a memory that no one can ever take away.

TELLING THE TRUTH ISN’T ALWAYS EASY

I’ve never seen anyone that protects himself the way that Michael does. He’s rough around the edges, but with everything he does – he does it because he wants to be understood. He wants to be loved.

And there is no one that he wants to feel love from more than Alex.

For him, the most vulnerable he can get – that’s not sex. For him the most vulnerable he can get is telling his secrets, his hopes, the things that he wants to do.

And so showing Alex what he’s been working on, letting him see that he doesn’t want to be on Earth, that he wants to belong somewhere – for me that was the moment that Michael let down his guard.

And let in the one person that he truly wanted there, inside the walls that surround him.

I NEVER LOOK AWAY

I am not one that will ever admit feelings – because it’s just too hard. But when these two do – I wanted to call up every ex-boyfriend I have had in my life and apologize for all the shit I never said.

Alex left Michael, but that didn’t mean that feelings died. We’ve seen through season one and two that together or apart that love will always be there.

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When Alex wants to keep pushing Michael, not gonna lie – I don’t think it’s fair. I think that he left and he decided to live up to his last name and I wonder, would he have come back if he hadn’t been injured.

I know that it’s unfair. But I get so frustrated with the trope – the leave and return one. Because I want to know that I can believe that love stays. Yet, the way that Roswell, New Mexico has portrayed this one, I know that we are all lucky that they took time apart – that they have to regrow their relationship.

Because you want them to never look away from each other. You want them to die for each other. And you want them to live for each other.

PROTECTING EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT

Relationships aren’t perfect. They are complicated. They are sometimes things that we can’t see about ourselves, but other people can see. They are sometimes knowing that our hearts are safe and at home with someone, but also knowing that we would give that all up to save them.

Michael does just that for Alex. He knows that Alex wants to save the world, but he also knows that there is stuff that he can do that Alex can’t. And he’d give his life for Alex, even though he knows Alex would fight that at every turn.

And I think that the way season 2 ended up – we know that these two are going to be okay. They’d set the world on fire for each other, even if it meant fighting through the process.

They make me believe that love is something that never dies.

THERE’S HOPE IN MEMORIES AND LETTING GO

“He’s tangled up in all these terrible memories in my life and I love him. I probably always will. But lately, that love just hurts. Coming back to him, it always feels like a crash landing.”

We’re all lucky that Carina MacKenzie is the show runner on Roswell, New Mexico, because she is like the Taylor Swift of CW shows – writing the words that we can’t say, but we need expressed.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Sure, there are times when all it is – is pain. It becomes overwhelming, and you grow apart from the person you love or you know that you need to take the hurt, the pain, and just let it go. You can live with the memories. But when someone is wrapped up in all these terrible memories – it’s okay to let yourself have the space to find that you are worthy of happy memories.

These two have both needed a clean slate. They’ve needed the moments to be able to be free – to find who they are without all the pain that has taken up the moments in their lives, and told them who they need to be.

One of them is always running away, and hey – that’s okay. You can never outrun your heart, but you can take the time to heal it.

Michael is guarded and so is Alex. The only time that they let that guard down, is when they are wrapped in each others bodies. They’ll learn, they’ll grow, and whatever will be – well, it will be.

For now, we’ll just drink a beer and see what happens. This is one ship that I personally feel that we will never be able to predict, we’ll just know that together or apart – Malex taught us about drama, complications, friendship, and best of all – love.

Roswell, New Mexico airs on The CW.

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