‘Criminal Minds: Evolution’ Season 17 Episode 9 Review: “Stars & Stripes”

Most of Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9 feels a little bit like an information dump. We meet, then lose, another “Gold Star.” In the process, we also follow the money trail far enough to find the person the BAU really needs to take down — Frank Church. That leads us to one of his training facilities, where we meet Mila, who Church is trying to shape into the next Jade. And all of that ends with most of the BAU onsite when Jade takes matters into her own hands. Insert huge cliffhanger that has us like “don’t you dare” here.

For the BAU itself, “Stars & Stripes” doesn’t quite have the same personal, emotional impact as most of the other episodes did this season — at least not until that high-stakes, and high-stress, ending. That’s not to say we don’t get anything along those lines, but we’re not exactly in “because Jemily got high” or “meet Jill” territory here. For Jade, though? Well, that’s a totally different story. She’s at the heart of this case and the heart of this episode…right up until the very last beat.

“You were always my favorite, Jade.”

After losing Damien, we expected Jade to escalate…but…not necessarily in this way. What we see in Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9 is a Jade Waters who calls allowing a victim to live and using him to deliver her message to the BAU “mercy.” But somehow, knowing about Jade’s own trauma — and seeing a little bit too much evidence of it later on in the episode — makes the thought of Trooper Sands being left alive to suffer with his own nightmares feel more like cruelty. Not mercy. Still, there’s something unbearably human, normal even, about what she has to say to the BAU.

“I never meant to hurt anyone. I had no choice. Now, I just want to go home. And find peace.”

But, as we know even before Jade goes back “home,” there’s no peace to be found for her — or anyone else, for that matter — there. And, as it turns out, her “family” reunion with Dana is merely all about luring her back into Church’s orbit. In the process, Dana reminds Jade that they can’t trust anyone but each other, not even Damien’s “friend” (Voit). That’s something we learn, through the BAU’s profiling, is all part of Church’s control over them. Dana also promises Jade they’ll find the fifth and final Gold Star, Peter, together. But, uh. Considering what happens to Dana whens he says she still has questions, and given Church’s obviously-empty promise to Jade about finding Peter with Dana after he kills her, let’s go ahead and assume that the last point of the star is either in on it with this monster…or long-since dead.

Regardless, Church’s manufactured reality starts down because Jade winds up realizing her own nightmares — her own memories — aren’t lies. Nope. Those horrifying dreams, instead of showing her something put there by “them” in an attempt to turn her against the others, are just…what happened. In fact, the actual “things that aren’t true” are those that make Frank Church out to be some kind of savior, someone who cares about Jade and wants to take care of her. The biggest lies of all? He’s doing all of this to save the children; and he “liberated” Jade and the others for that great purpose.

Clearly, the only person Jade needs to “save the children” from is him. And Jade learns this because another young trainee, who idolizes her, confides in her about her nightmares.

“…and when he’s done with me, the goggles slip off just enough that I can see his face. It’s Mr. Church. Do you have a nightmare like that?”

To be honest, it’s awful all the way down. Just chilling. The images of Mila and Jade in constraints like that, the cattle prod…are a lot to handle. Big nope here, really. Throughout the entire season, the BAU has told us, repeatedly, how bad the abuse would need to be in order to reshape these kids’ minds. But seeing it in action? Well. That’s a totally different animal. And what Jade does after both getting a rude awakening and having to suffer at Church’s hands one more time…is kinda all she can do at this point. She can’t call the FBI for help. Not only would that mean going back in a cage herself, but she also still doesn’t trust them. That is, of course, thanks to Voit adding to the number of conspiracy theories in Jade’s brain and pointing her to the BAU as the start of it all.

So, how can she put an end to all of this? Free Mila and the others before it’s too late…and blow the place to smithereens with herself and Church in it. It’s a sort of damning conclusion, inevitable in the way Damien’s death was. And, of course, the only part that both works more for Jade and less for us is…well. Our heroes are all on site at just the wrong moment. The absolute worst one, really. Or, if you’re Jade, the perfect one.

Major, major props to Liana Liberato for how she’s played Jade all along — but especially what she does with the character in Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9. The way her face crumples when Church tells Jade what an inspiration she is to the new generation is so very telling. And, of course, she makes the character as terrifyingly lethal as ever, both in the opening attack and when she wakes up after…that…and starts snapping necks on her way to gather everything she needs to destroy the place. But the emotional final moments of this episode, as Jade begs Mila to trust her and just keep going, then relives so many memories with Damien…ouch.

Yeah, we’re out here feeling bad for a troubled little girl who turned into a serial killer. What about it? It’s fiction, ok.

“From Sicarius to Gold Star with love.”

Criminal Minds: Evolution 17×09 sees time running out for the BAU — and we’re not just talking about that ending. No, Elias Voit Lee Duval is on his way to a minimum security prison, somehow getting everything he demanded in his deal despite not really helping to solve this case. In fact, he’s done the evil genius thing and made it all more complicated in order to benefit himself…and himself alone. Everything he has done so far has simply been to take enough of the truth and twist it, warp it, into a new reality in which the BAU is basically the root of all evil. As we’re somewhat surprised to learn, wider knowledge of Rossi and (Jason) Gideon’s white paper is what the Director was trying to avoid all along…So, of course, that meant making a deal with the devil and playing right into his all-too-capable hands.

But this is where some things Voit might not have accounted for come into play. To our knowledge, exactly two Gold Star subjects have seen his very detailed fanboy collage study of the BAU. And, well. One’s definitely dead, while the other most likely will be soon. And Rossi knows now. (Then again, Rossi could be cooked — but had better not be.) The latest confrontation between Rossi and Voit is yet another great scene for Joe Mantegna and Zach Gilford, and our main note on that entire showdown is “if looks could kill.” Forget about whatever version of Rossi we saw at the beginning of this season, or even the guy who hesitated just slightly over Voit’s name when mentioning him to Jill in the previous episode. The David Rossi of Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9 is in charge, tough…and a giant ball of rage.

“You think you can get away with threatening my team, you motherf***er?!” 

Uh, hi. Never, ever mess with Rossi’s family. Period.

Another thing Voit probably didn’t count on: Garcia’s “Penny” algorithm finding Frank Church so quickly. First up: Penelope Garcia, never change. Now that that very important business is out of the way, let’s just say that an Emily Prentiss interrogation is always a fun scene, and we’re 100% here for her “if looks could kill” moment after Church says what he does about her being “championed.” But the best Prentiss is the snarky one, leading her team while also really fed up with how “people got no respect for the law these days.”

It’s interesting (in an “absolutely do not go there” sort of way) that it’s Prentiss and Rossi who have some of the bigger highlights in Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9…and it’s them who we see moving in first, looking so powerful. And wow, are those shots gorgeous…Is this just to terrify the crap out of us and make us desperate for the final episode? Because if so, job well done. And uh, rude. Or is it a warning? Because if so, how dare.

More on Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 Episode 9

• “It’s good to have friends.”
• “Young love. Always a tragedy.” Thanks to Zach Gilford, Voit remains such a fun villain. Like, within the context of him being a complete condescending jerk, he also has like these various levels of it? He’s so bored with his game in this scene with his lawyer, because he predicted so much, that even his snark comes across as exhausted.
• See also: “She’s the devil we know. So…no.”
• I’d say I love him, but that’s…odd. So, just. Love to hate him. Forever.
• “And I knew, in a moment of clarity — probably speaking to Emily — you’d figure out why I kissed you.” “And what kind of BS was that?!” Get her, Dave.
• “F*cking Club Fed?!”
• “Howwwwww. Uh. Exactly. Does the Director figure Voit has fulfilled his part of the agreement?” Love, love, love this delivery — especially on the first word — from Paget Brewster. Also cracked up at her look that basically screamed “LULZ WTFEVER” after the “not no security” comment.
• “Stand back! It’s out there! I’m irresistible in being this brilliant.” And Luke’s just…smitten in the back. Uh. “Look at Penny go” indeed.
• Garvez when.
• “Well. As Spencer says, the human brain runs 10 to 100 cycles per second…” Dr. Reid. Back. WHEN.
• RE: Voit’s little fanboy board: 1) Did not need to be reminded of Emily’s fake death. 2) A lot of that looks familiar. Old opening credits, maybe? Or have I just seen a lot of the episodes those images are pulled from way too many times? Both?
• “You choose your family.” She’s right. For a lot of very wrong reasons. But she’s right.
• Another great moment from Mantegna: when Dave jumps right in with that “NO” after Sands says he wishes the girls had just killed him.
• It’s an interesting stylistic move to give us Jade’s message both in her voice and through her chosen messenger, living right inside Sands’ bloodied vision with him as we do.
• “I mean, it doesn’t take a profiler to know Jade isn’t really looking to go home to find peace.” Penelope Garcia, folks.
• “We knew he read all your books, Dave. But this? This is something else.” Uh. Ya think?
• “Ooh. Almost sounds like you’re threatening me.” Again. Kinda love him.
• The way Rossi never breaks eye contact. Oof.
• “Have we met?” “No. I saw your mugshot on Politico.” I hate this man already.
• “Ms. Prentiss, your questions are textbook gumshoe intimidation. Which leaves me with a profound concern for the future of federal law enforcement. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when good men like Deputy Director Douglas Bailey are cut down and women like you are championed.” Anyone else want to help me murder a fictional character????? Asking for a friend.
• Like, Voit is fun. This guy just sucks.
• “The Director is in Church’s pocket, isn’t he.” Thank you, Tyler Green, for saying what we’ve all been thinking. Super glad something that obvious turned out to be a misdirect.
• Love, love, love Tyler’s “bring it on.”
• Penelope, snacking away and talking about “what the kids call rizz.” Tara waving that soda cup around while she talks with her hands. They’re so real for this.
• …did not see that coming with Dana. Thought she was going to be an intriguing new Gold Star to add to the last two episodes…oops.
• Also. WTF?!
• “These kids have nothing to do with that. They weren’t even there.” Good girl, Jade.
• “You are an example. You are a true inspiration to these young people.” Oh, f*ck off.
• Josie Nivar is great as Mila. So scared and vulnerable, so in awe of Jade.
• “They tell stories about you.” I bet they’re lies.
• “Be safe,” the kiss, the hand over Dave’s heart…and so many obvious feelings of regret and concern from Jill.
• No but they’d better not do this to me, though.
• “Lot of guys, with guns, telling us ‘you shall not pass.’” Now is not the time for that reference! Girl, you’ve already died and come back once!
• …then again, if it’s the bad guys saying it this time…they can die and not come back, ok?
• “Please be careful.” “Yes. Emily, I second and I third that emotion. Do not stir the hornets’ nest.” I am Rebecca and Penelope; Rebecca and Penelope are me.
• “Well, this seems…eerily familiar.” “What? A cult leader threatening armageddon?” Anyone else think about the Luke Perry episode here or.
• “GO AHEAD AND SHOOT ME.” Ma’am. No.
• Rebecca and Penelope, looking at each other in horror…they are me again.
• Gorgeous shot of Jade as a dark shadow in that yellow-ish corridor.
• No you had better not.
• TL;DR This episode gets way, way more interesting at the end. But also: Absolutely not.
• Need to know what happens now.

What did you think of Criminal Minds Evolution Season 17 Episode 9 “Stars & Stripes”? Leave us a comment!

The season finale of Criminal Minds: Evolution Season 17 streams Thursday, August 1, on Paramount+.