Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12 “All’s Hair” takes wig-making to a dark place—or as dark as this series will let it—when Felix Weaver (guest star Jeff Hiller) murders a rival wig maker. Apparently, this is what happens when you get caught poaching a client who wants some fancy faux hair but is tired of her flyaways or whatever showing up in HD. Someone’s gotta pay…and here, it’s the guy doing the blackmail, not the guy moving in on his territory. It’s an absolutely absurd, totally hairy, situation that also includes Felix cutting off a random stranger’s hair to get some pure blonde locks.
That stranger turns out to be the daughter of a major donor to Wagner’s foundation, which means Wagner has to investigate the alleged bullying. And not only does that make him about as grumpy as ever, but it turns out that, the teen (Rebecca) was lying about being bullied all along. Which, sure. Why not? As long as we’re going nuts, we might as well really go nuts. And that’s fine, actually, especially when all of the crimes could’ve been avoided if only interruptions to the “Molten-Gold” supply chain hadn’t made everyone desperate just in time for “Wigaggeddon” to begin with.
It’s an entertaining hour, and that’s technically all we’re here for anyway—a good time. But is that good time without any flaws? No. Parts of the opening voiceover are a bit unnecessary, especially since it distracts from the hilarious facial expressions Hiller makes as Felix thinks through taking Lina Vylanti as a client. I’m also deeply uncomfortable with some of the Italian stereotypes. And then, there’s this whole Alec Bloom story hovering in the background, dragging everything down. Elsbeth Tascioni comes from the world of The Good Wife and The Good Fight, and I love many characters from those series. Dearly. But suddenly trying to bring more of the political cynicism of those first two shows into this one after it was initially so very separate and different works less and less the longer it goes on.
Additionally, a teen complaining about how riding has “just all gotten so…political” is an ironic choice after Elsbeth has put so much focus on a story with a political campaign (and a candidate who’s way too good to be true) this season. And, of course, we continue to miss the friendship that used to anchor this series in a way that Officer Chandler giving Elsbeth advice about Teddy simply…can’t.
MORE: Elsbeth Season 3 got off to a strong start but has had some low points along the way.
Winnie Crawford returns
Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12 brings back Henny Russell as Winnie Crawford, and this time, the audience know she’s up to no good before she visits Elsbeth. For their last encounter, it was the other way around. The two characters shared what seemed like a genuine, heartfelt conversation…and then, Winnie went home and burned evidence. Poor Elsbeth is so desperate to have a friend, she doesn’t even question why Winnie’s suddenly showing up at her job unannounced, months after the fact. That might make sense in terms of a widow needing time to process devastating news, but then, there’s the way Winnie won’t even take a raincheck on the lunch she suddenly must have. It’s fishy. And yet, Elsbeth just goes along with it.
At this point, it’s as if, despite her being such a good judge of character during these murder investigations, Elsbeth’s being taken advantage of and played for a fool by both Alec Bloom and Winnie Crawford now. There are obvious holes in Alec’s story about the sandwich guy, and every time it seems like Elsbeth might sense something’s off there, she pushes it aside and seems to dive in even deeper. That’s bad enough, but sometimes, we want so badly to believe in people—especially the people we connect with so easily and/or just…politicians who give us hope for a better future—we completely refuse to see their flaws. But for the widow of an actual series villain to dupe Elsbeth into revealing her unconscious doubts, without really seeing or validating them in herself yet, that stings. A lot.
I’m just not sure where this story is going, other than “hurt Elsbeth” and “make her both feel and look like an idiot, thus calling the instincts that help her solve all these ridiculous crimes—and, therefore, the whole premise of the series—into question.” And that’s kind of unfortunate. Maybe a lot unfortunate. Only time will tell, and I’d very much like to be wrong.
MORE: Instead of playing Elsbeth, let’s go back to the toy store from earlier this season and let her play some more…without getting held hostage this time.
More Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12 reactions
- “…but it’s noble work…at least that’s what I tell myself.” I like the timing and the delivery here. Just absolutely run down and aggrieved and…nowhere near convinced that it’s ok to just settle for the “noble work.”
- “And I can’t tell two Drag Race champions they’re gonna be bald Friday night.” Now, let’s be real: Queens can get crafty and make it work if they need to.
- “Oprah and Gayle will fight over me!”
- “You know what? You are really living up to an Italian stereotype.” Yeah…not the best look?
- That fight and, ultimately, the murder was hilarious, though.
- “My ex-husband Michael used to call it ‘gravy.’ And my ex-mother-in-law used to call me ‘una stramba.’” “An odd woman. I’ve heard worse.” “My ex said she meant it as a term of endearment. And thennnnnn, we got divorced.” It’s the way Carrie Preston pops the T in endearment for me.
- A+ reenactment.
- “Maybe Domenico’s not the only one who…got burned.” Oh, she’s so proud to get to say that with the double meaning, huh.
- There’s a wig on the title card. Amazing.
- Drug kingpins, wig makers. Same, same.
- The way she whines on “but I’m not great at boundaries!!!”
- “It’s Wigaggeddon.”
- Purim mention! (But who for real, for real pays good money for a wig for that when they can just put on a cheap clown wig, get drunk AF so they forget the name of Haman, and be done with it? Come on now.)
- “Yeah, but…I’m not bald” and “I got no…problem with my age.” Sure, Smullen.
- “Maybe if I,uh, become a blonde, then the press won’t recognize me as the mysterious redhead fraternizing with a certain mayoral candidate.”
- “Well, you know these showbusiness people. They’re always recycling old material.” With everything a reboot, a revival, a sequel or a spinoff these days, Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12 hit that one right on the head, huh. (Whatever you do, don’t think about how this series is itself a spinoff, though.)
- “I was too sad to eat.” Can’t relate.
- “I had no idea that wig making was so political.” (Spoiler: Everything is political. Because “just politics” affects everything. Affordability, supply chains for bizarre “virgin” hair, healthcare, your rights…)
- “Real politics is worse.” No kidding.
- “A new friend, who is close to Mr. Bloom.” Heartbreaking: Very wealthy woman doesn’t know what the word “friend” means.
- Wendell Pierce really does “disgruntled” very well. Very, very well.
- “Yeah, they’re all bullies. It was like Lord of the Flies. But meaner.” Did he watch Yellowjackets or.
- Poor Wagner, though. Sincerely.
- “It’s a hairrrry situation.” “Save the puns. I’m not in the mood.” But also, poor Elsbeth. She looks so sad.
- “Everyone was wigging out that day.”
- But why does Elsbeth seem disappointed when the brunette wig gives Meghan Markle???? My gut reaction is to get really mad about that, but given that Wendell Pierce is here and has defended his former TV daughter plenty of times, I’m sure it’s fine.
- “You are a woman who needs something that is truly. Fabulous!” Correct.
- “I always say, if it doesn’t feel right…it probably isn’t.” Right after that loaded conversation about Alec. I see you.
- Best part of Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12: The drag brunch. Period. Hire more drag artists!
- “Sequins, sweat, and way too much ‘Proud Mary.’ It’s heaven.”
- “Did she just jump into a split from the ceiling?!” She should check out what Drag Sethlas does on the Drag Race España main stage…
- “That’s her ‘Defying Gravity’ number. Gravity was not defied.” Someone get RuPaul to hire “Persimmon” as a guest judge.
- A tongue pop!
- I hate this dad, judging kids with separated parents and—oh noes!—public school kids.
- “The rest is gravy.” “Some people call it sauce…which I haven’t even tasted yet.” And now, I’m hungry.
- “I’m a ginger. Everything else feels like a lie. And you can’t cover up a lie with good hair.”
- “I got the feeling Alec Bloom is lying about something.” And Teddy’s byline, right when Elsbeth’s finally so adorably delighted to hear from him. Fan-effing-tastic.
- “We find the lie, and…that’s the end of his campaign.” And then, she sips her drink like a true supervillain.
Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 12 “All’s Hair”? Leave us a comment!
New episodes of Elsbeth air Thursdays at 10/9c on CBS.
