Justin Bieber’s “Yummy” Straight Up Is Cringeworthy

We need to talk about Justin Bieber’s new song. I mean, if you can even call it a song. Personally I am going with some bullshit that a third grader wrote the chorus to when he was hungry, and the rest of it written by a dude who seems to have gotten some vag for the first time.

We get it – you’re horny.

Let me be clear – I missed Justin Bieber’s music. I am not hating on the guy’s music overall. I really like him. I don’t care how old I am, I will sing that shit at the top of my lungs and memorize every single word. Like, Justin Bieber is aware that his single release is very important to his career.

And then we were hit with this bullshit:

Ya, ya I get that the video is some mediocre shit that is filled with food, but if you think that “Yummy” refers to food, well, let’s have that conversation about sexual innuendos at a later date.

“Yeah, you got that yummy-yum / That yummy-yum, that yummy-yummy” could be about anything, sure. I say yummy when I see someone holding a donut and my mouth waters over the shit I won’t allow myself to eat.

“Bonafide stallion It ain’t no stable, no, you stay on the run Ain’t on the side, you’re number one Yeah, every time I come around, you get it done (You get it done)” definitely isn’t about a donut.

Look, we all have different tastes and hey, I’d want a love song written about me. But I mean, the way I rock your world in between the sheets – the whole world doesn’t need to know that shit.

Fifty-fifty, love the way you split it
Hundred racks, help me spend it, babe
Light a match, get litty, babe
That jet set, watch the sunset kinda, yeah, yeah
Rollin’ eyes back in my head, make my toes curl, yeah, yeah

Lord, help us all. If Taylor Swift wrote this shit, we’d be all over her for this mediocre bullshit. This would not pass.

But does Bieber deserve a free pass because he’s been gone for four years? No. If anything that tells me that he should have written some better shit.

If you are one of the mysterious people that asked for this song and wanted to know how horny Justin is – well, then I beg you to get some assistance with that issue.

Sex sells. I get it. But this song straight up makes me recoil. My eyes ain’t rollin’ back because of some good music, but because I don’t know all the ways that I can say that this song is the worst.

Lets hope the rest of the album isn’t as big of a let down.

Yummy is available now.

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